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RyanMJenkins Aug 2016
Symptoms from this mechanism grind time, low on drive
One wonders if the operator remembers how to feel alive
Dissect my mighty molecules or drop me from the sky
Ill be forced to attempt to reconnect otherwise have to learn how to fly

I almost want to cry
Feeling so alone with a trying mind
Wondering why my dad had to die
The lack of never having that almost breaks through my shell to the inside.
But Maybe...I need to fall apart
Break the rib cage away to expose an already pained and vulnerable heart
There comes a time when we all must depart
Some shattered den with frayed wire ends beg to see a new start
Smile sank below the surface and slowly fades into the dark
Barely breathing treading water waiting for a shark.
Will these teeth be my friend or help me to meet a salty sea end? 

Now conjuring up questions like, If we indeed are eternal, what is there then to defend?
It's almost crushing knowing there is an inner guidance.
I want what I never had, signed up for life before reading the fine print.
Emotional glimpse, seeing your face behind my closed-eye timelessness.
I bare witness, but can anyone else see you beyond the physical finish?
I'm trying so hard to listen.  
Self-defeating prophecies take away all that has been given.
Cynical shoulder demon got me too scared to make decisions
Downwind tailspins find me coming after the fool in the mirror with a head on collision.  
I guess stress showed up to the test
I have to reassess my vision, and take pride in my mission.
It's my purpose to serve words to the unheard before we bleed with further division.
Just then a tear started to glisten, fishing incessantly for my soul.
A drop full of reflection makes me wanna lay on the floor and relinquish all control.  
I tend not to let my emotions of what my ego perceives as weakness take hold..  But if it never rains how the funk will I ever grow?  This changing stranger had high vibes in the sunshine but now I feel so deeply low.  

Buried below the cold snow meat coat is a shine that's been trying to show.  

Will the world ever see it's light? 

Another beautiful, heartbreaking mystery, I speak to mirror man again stating simply, "who knows."
When just then in my head,
"It'll be alright."
RyanMJenkins Jun 2016
Don't be scared, many thrive on your fear.  Rather than oppose their agenda they'd prefer you disappear.   Hard to reach a clear point when they keep us foggy with beer and glamorous dramatic sporting events to cheer.  Bloodlines are tied to America's smeared reflection.   Attention on major media is a forced perspective injection.  Ill intentions under false pretenses.  Double standards give minorities the maximum sentence, while the privileged sit smiling at the chance of repentance.   They'll work you for life to justify your existence.   Years fly by and the flame of soul gets diminished.  Simply questioning why is a revolutionary act, yet too many minds paper chasing in attempt to flaunt stacks.  It's the American dream, you have to be asleep to believe.  The kingmakers have never witnissed the conditions we've seen.  The financially burdened are flown overseas, dropping bombs on the innocent, hearing pained children scream.  War is the ultimate greed, a disastrous dance.  Still we stand in Afghanistan protecting poppy plants.  ****** epidemic is rising, friends of ours have died from trying.  The pills being pushed are multiplying and it's big pharma that has been supplying.   Another commercial,  overdose from overstimulation. Glued to electronics the TV America is nothing more than simulation.  High expectations with low wages drowning in debt, the idea of slavery has just taken a new concept.  We take orders from those that rationalize death.  School never taught you how to deal with your head.  Or that peace can be achieved with focus on breath.  Work harder, and maybe there's an increase in pay.  But I don't expect much from a nation built on the backs of slaves.  So I come to you now, with a heart full of faith.  I claim no religion but there's still time to be saved.  My purpose is to show you, your own beacon of light.  America was never great but together we can make it right.  Show sone love to your neighbors, beyond all borders.  You are a self-governing entity capable of declining orders.  So how you gonna exist, within fear or love?  I'll do my best exemplfying the latter so we can adopt a pattern of rising above.
RyanMJenkins Jun 2016
My partner and I had tickets to the show last night in Chicago.  After 7days in the hospital my girlfriend's 89 year old grandma was to come home with hospice care to follow.  Instead of a splendid concert experience I  knew I had to be there for her fam to ease the tough pill to swallow.  Grandma Monica shed the shell, saw it bagged up and hollow.  I was able to provide hugs and love, along with the opportunity to speak about the flow of energy.   I like to remind myself and others to speak to the "deceased" for in my own scope it's been therapeutic for me. Haven't been this heavy in a long time.  The rain and gray are beautiful,  relaxed in the lack of sunshine.  I've visualized our meeting many times, I look up to you being a fellow sayer of rhymes.  I appreciate the way you've spent your mind.  It wasn't until a couple days ago I realized one of the impossible inserts may have been signed.  Thank you for your shine, highlighting the design of divine. The life you've made manifest helps others feel breaths inside their chests.  Two legends yesterday were laid to rest, so now I look at myself and decide to clean my mess.
Gotta reconnect with my descendant sandwich before the organic ingredients are digested and appear to vanish.  To those I want to know, you are one of my favorite artists.   I laugh but could totally see some sort of apprentice partnership.  Doesn't look like I'll make it this tour...and one of my cats just puked, gonna go skip aesop rocks in my ripped up Lugz boots.
Much love,
Ryan
RyanMJenkins Jun 2016
Another day, another existential crisis
Stress releases cortisol which leaves the body lifeless
Working on my posture, getting twisted in fine print
Spending moments for money doesn't feed the idea of timeless
Baking in the sun, not having fun, I quit.
Not sure exactly when it was that my mind split
I refuse to die without expressing my gift
Or curse, to disperse words even when they hurt in bursts.  A surging splurge that can take away my energy.
Not sure if I'm my best friend or worst enemy
Coincidentally the mental fees are a mix between too heavy and really aint ****.
But it's been a long time since I believed in coincidence.  Time to change the skit - redirect focus from the cobweb tombs to flowers in full bloom.  I am one with the sun but currently resonate with the moon.  This distance is true, but I'll come back and love loudly again sometime soon.  Better make it now, why wear a head full of dread when a smile is more profound?  Better make it now.
*breathes
RyanMJenkins May 2016
New details have arisen, so much to process.
Right turn at Words, haven't been this lost yet
With anger comes regret, a downhill ***** tailspin
Feelings have changed, eyes have been opened.
Madre, I just want you to know your worth.  
Your kids cherish you, and we thank you for raising us since birth.  Let go of those that engulf you in hurt.  It's the worst at first, but the sun stays persistent.   You have a light inside you that I'll fight to not see diminshed.
You will rise to heights we've only seen in dreams.  I am there with a big hug the next time you close your eyes and breathe.
Despite being separated by a slew of states;
Our bond is beyond worldly,  depths reminding me to appreciate.
Pain is temporary, love is eternal
I'll be coming to Virginia through the next wormhole.  I'm still learning about taking risks and how to be, but just remember your smiling face is one I love to see.
RyanMJenkins Apr 2016
Hey world, I think I'm losing my mind.  Ill thoughts take me for violent rides.  It's cool, I know it doesn't make sense.  Depressed?  I thought so, but I have known to be wrong.  Same song different chords.  Found out this morning mikey died a day after an intervention.  Pretty sure Bobby's funeral was a year ago.  I'm a mason jar, not sure what I'm holding.  Drop me on the floor.  At work trying to keep myself together, feel stupid for sharing.  Pressed d.
My words/poetry that typically seem oh so uplifting are for me for you, so I don't pretend to be some sort of guru - I'm so far from perfect it sometimes disgusts me.
God, I'm blessed to be so ******* ugly
#firstworldCarbonproblems
RyanMJenkins Apr 2016
Low in the depths of tar-pit lungs
Teeter tottering on words stilll unsung
Dreading bother thinking I can't add up to the sum
Treading water with the head above to breathe by the beat of the drum
Reflecting all of life even when the thought of existence stung
Already rebirthed a few times at 25 years young
And I'm not done
I know it's just my heart by all the switching of the rhythms
Haven't yet lost sight of land, therefore I must keep swimming
Slipping through ripples of time, knowing we're only just beginning.
Blessed to have seen the sun set but now darkness reigns king.
Serve the mind for entrapment, where are you taking me?  No, wait hold up where are you taking me?
A cold cell mold confine hell-bent on destruction
As soul sits with patience until we're ready for instruction


Is this life a cavernous abyss, or buoyant brilliance stuffed with unfolding bliss?
Loosening our grips throwing caution to the wind
For at our rest date we can smile about all we actually did


Vining my way through a period of construction.
Acquisition with reduction
ThisCurrent position holds no grin
When ya gotta weak spine slumped so thin caught in the midst of a mental tailspin intertwining the connections as another whirlwind - lesson
Holes were punched in for memory's retention.
Acknowledging the unknown came with clairvoyant introspection
And conscious intention management
Be aware of body language and how you translate it
Moments sink like the rock that skipped over lake waves.  
Dare to act now and not be afraid
Be an aid to humanity and ultimately yourself for we are the space within everything once the oneness has been felt
The weather has helped.
...And so in it I delve
for ive already slipped through hell
and honestly im quite glad I fell
Flames fueled us enough to embrace our hold
While Rain soaks the soul for us to flower and grow
Rise up from below to experience the mighty breeze blow
Your trials through the dirt allow the light to show

Apollo wants to see your glow
Let go and tap into the flow, present tense beauty forward into the unknown

But if you don't break out of your shell how are you to ever know?

Is this life a cavernous abyss, or buoyant brilliance stuffed with unfolding bliss?
Loosening our grips throwing caution to the wind
For at our rest date we can smile about all we actually did


(€€Fool you will never be good enough,
Should have stayed in school
Remain obedient to your masters
Your ocean is really a pool
Your attempts to peer past the hollowgram Have been deemed uncool
Get back in line and enjoy life as a tool€€

Sir you got me a all wrong,
Let'***** the brakes for a second
Pull off onto the shoulder for a moment to be reflective.
Your energy is scattered, the gears are wearing thin.  When's the last time you sat alone and sought answers from within?
No matter, there is time now to begin.
Conscious living is by no means an accident
I appreciate the time you've already spent
But I must ask
What is the tale of your means to an end?
The answer is rhetorical, but I am here for you as a friend.
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