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Two years ago
I wrote I didn’t get

gender.


Two years ago
I said
not everyone
is interested in

boys.


Two years ago
I wished people tried to

understand.


Two years ago
I didn’t understand
why people

cut.


Two years ago
I thought others
deserved better

than I do.


Two years ago
I thought

death
was better sometimes.


Two years ago
I said
it would be

okay.


Two years ago
I claimed
I was doing

better.
I wrote this poem after reading my diary from that time and yeah I guess a lot has changed, but some things stay the same.
I’m not special.

Just another  
blonde  
white  
privileged  
child  
who thinks  
they can  
change  
this place.  

But that teacher  
wasn’t special  
either.  

I try to listen.  
They don’t.  
She didn’t.  

She didn’t care.  
Not for kids.  
Not for my words.  
Not for me.  

She made me  
hate school.  
Hate that place.  
Hate her cage.
Long story short I wrote a speech and this teacher stole some parts, but didn't allow us to read the whole things. HER speech was racist, sexist and just extremely bad , so that ****** me off. Luckily I am starting at a new school in September, so I don't have to deal with her ever again.
Don’t want to be
Anyone but me
Right now
I hate this
Never have I before
And I hope I never will again

Habits I hate
And hopes I can’t give up on
Never-ending cycles
Again and again
For anyone out there who doesn't know who they are
I sent you a few too many messages.

Knowing **** well you were offline,
Just hoping you're doing fine.

You didn't even send me a ******* postcard.

Or I don't know,
Maybe the post is just really slow?
You promised to text when you had a moment.
That was before you
wanted
to do anything with us.

That was before I
trusted
you.

That was before I
trusted
anyone.

That was before I
trusted
myself.

That was when I
only trusted
the glow of my laptop in an empty room.
I guess I’m doing better know? But then why doesn’t anyone that I trust talk to me? Reach out first?
I made up two things,
People — or lovers’ rings.
One writes the lines,
The other paints the signs.

So let me share how they feel,
Let me present them as if they were real.

Dorothea or Niki — the dreamer in me.
Doesn’t know which she is anymore.
She’s the version I write in my poetry.
Me as someone to adore.

She speaks in stanzas, dreams in rhyme,
Wishes for a love to last past time.

And then there is Poppy Piume,
She’s a lot like my real world friend.
But in this poetic arc that isn’t her doom.
Here — we are the a story with no end.

She answers in dreams, if not in the day,
A voice I imagine when I drift away.

In my imagination there is no goodbye,
But in sad reality she doesn’t even reply.
So I write, as she paints, and I try not to cry,
And I pretend our silence is just a lullaby.
Inspired by reality, but not there anymore.
I saw a bull race.
No guilt on anyone’s face.
They were enjoying it.
A man got hit —
For a moment they felt like ****.

But red scarfs
Still hang all around town.
The fiesta isn’t over.

The man was loaded
Into an ambulance.
The bulls were, violently,
Forced back
Into their cages.

A little boy cried.
His older brother,
Gave him a hug.

And I just —
Stood there.
I didn’t feel bad for the man.
But the mishandled animals —
How could I have?

Watched them?
Eaten them?
That makes me just as bad.

Doesn’t it?
I don’t really feel like this is a particularly good poem, but I feel like the storytelling is good. Or I hope it is. So I just thought I’d share it with you guys <33. Feel free to comment.
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