Hurt
Effect it has
Makes me strong
A better human

Anxiety.  

Anxiety is not a friend you want at your door giving you a high five and is excited to spend the night.
Anxiety is that skin scratching, pencil tapping, binge eating friend that appears like snow on a summer day.  
It comes out of nowhere. And sometimes you know you're about to start breathing heavily and wanting to lie down.
It's the feeling you get
when the love of your life says "Can we talk?"
when you lay in bed and you hear sounds
when you're in the hospital room and someone comes out with tears in their eyes towards you.
Anxiety is not that Christmas present you've been wanting all year...

I have to thank you
Each day from the start
For giving me the chance
To show you my heart

My name means true image
A name I understand
The words I live by
Each day at hand

Thank you for reading
Thank you for hello
I hope you never leave
I hope you never go

Sometimes, I wonder,
Am I trapped inside my own head?

Refusing to believe the written on the page,
I just make up my own.

Is this what constitutes insanity?
Or is it my own lack of ability,

My refusal to see the light,
Even in the brightest of days?

My own thoughts like flies,
Drawn to the stench of my rotting mind?

Is this my own choice, my own fate?
Because it sure as hell doesn't feel like it.

I fell into sleep
Unto a dreams spell

I found myself
On the bottom
Of a deep well

On the coins
Of wishers
I rolled on the wishes
And I heard one shout

I wish I could be
Someone else

And another one said
I wish I was rich somehow

I heard all the wishes
Some for death and some for clout

Each one upon a coin sang out loud

They all wanted something in their life
That wasn't allowed

The last wish was for world peace
I heard the voice say proud

But It just fell to the bottom
Of this waterless well

With no one to ever grant them
They just sat in piles

Wishing to be granted
What our God could have

The pen seeks
         A new ink
As we jot
A new thought
         And think
What needs to be said
Caught in the web
Of our heads
   Spider spun sync

        The fly gets caught
And we prey a new plot
Devouring this meal
         And the reader
Gets wrapped up in our knot

The pen hungers
A new thought
A new ink
A new jot
So we feed it
To please it
Like a pet peeved
For another meal
And the readers get fat

As the audience gets big
Words fill the pig
And they joyously
Roll in the words slopped

The pen seeks
And it finds
What the readers won't let stop

Hunger

In the fires eyes
You stare
Into the flickering

Burning your thoughts
Of memories
On each flame of energy

Wishing you knew the future

As you turn to the shadowed
Walls and watch the silhouettes
Maul the rest of you

The flames burn out

And you're left with the doubt
Of what comes after the heat turns cold

You keep staring in the distance
Contemplating existence
And how you're so misfit

While life gets old

The only thing left are the coals
Burning into ash
Leaving nothing but the past
Charcoal

Fading to the black
Staring through a mask
You show to the world
What you were staring at

….Your soul

And its one year since our break up,

I hope that every morning when you wake up you don't think about me

I hope that every morning when you're in your bed you don't wait for my good morning wishes

I hope that every morning when you get confused you don't miss me for choosing the color of your dress

I hope that every morning when you eat your breakfast you don't care about whether or not i had mine.

I hope that every afternoon when you get bored you don't miss talking to me

I hope that every afternoon when you
need a little motivation you don't need my stupid motivational speech anymore to get motivated

I hope that every evening when you go for walk you don't miss holding my hand

I hope that every evening when you watch the sunset you don't need me to make you feel that you are more beautiful

I hope that every night when you need someone to share your feelings your heart doesn't call out my name

I hope that every night when you go to sleep you don't twist and turn in your bed and reread our old conversation

I hope that every night you have a reason to wake up for next day, A reason which isn't me.

I'll bury all my secrets in my skin,
come away with innocence
but bleed my truthful sins.
the world around me feels like
a tight cage
and "I love you", is just a camouflage
for your next episode of rage.

If you do love me, let me go
I'll probably run away before I truly know
my heart is too black to care,
is it destroyed if it was never really there?

I'll find my penance, delivered to my true state
if I'm alone I have no one to hate,
but myself.

My love was banished long ago,
if you still care don't ever let me know.

Angels will lie to keep control
making over heaven like some paradise we all want to go
dead trees are painted white
and she calls them beauty, art.

My selfish thoughts colour my life
and I call that my heart.

If I had to fix myself I don't know where I'd start
But I suppose,
I'd cut each limb to the bone
and tear my entire self apart.