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No one Sep 21
I don't exist.

I shouldn't have done that.

Things didn't go to plan.

And I keep thinking of you.
Falling, Fallen, Dead.
No one Sep 10
First, the tears.

They build up and up and up,
Never falling, not just yet.

You stop breathing.

You start gasping for air,
The poison in your lungs, your head,
Making your head spin in all directions.

And, if you try to stop,
You end up making it worse.

Calm down.
Breathe.

But in order to calm down you must write,
And to write you must calm down,
The entire paradox
Sending your head swirling.

Vision blurry,
You stop thinking clearly,
Less clear than before.

The world a huge kaleidoscope
Of sadness.

Every attempt to find what you lost
More desperate,
More unrealistic
Than the last.

Each rejection,
Each nonexistence
A greater blow
Than the last.

And suddenly,
You
Can't
Breathe
At All.

And you're crying yourself to sleep,
Trying to make up for what was lost,
To make amends.

But you know,
Deep down
You'll never be okay with it.

That loss defines you.
Just a rough draft, needed to think clearer.
No one Aug 11
It's all a vicious cycle with you,
This family never seems to be enough.

All the grief you left unsaid,
All the love for the stillborn child.

No amount of sorrow,
Of anger, hate, or resentment

Will bring your beloved rose back.

I blame myself,
Knowing I may have taken some part of it,

But never for this.

You need no help in tearing us apart,
She has already done this to you.

And you are blind to what's in front of you.
On that day, I lost a father, a sister, and a friend.
No one Jul 20
I.
I want to be real.

I want my words to feel real to someone.

I want to grasp at a little permanence,
In this small, unforgiving,
Impermanent little life.

I want my future self to be able to look back,
Intelligent and successful.

I want to be happy now, even.

If I can.
What about you? What do you want?
No one Jul 20
Sometimes I wish I could just disappear.

It seems I've been thinking that a lot more, nowadays.

It's feels like the darkness, whatever it is, has taken over,
And I can't even be bothered to breathe.

To fight through the pain anymore.

I don't know if I do have depression,
I've self-diagnosed far too many times.

I could be normal.

I hope so.

I want this to just be a phase,
Never anything more than a blip.

Who knows?
No one Jun 3
Bound over a long distance,
The conversation dwindles down,
Until the idle chatter of the text
No longer makes much sense,
Neither one wanting to leave,
Neither saying goodbye.

Only, in this moment,
Could each person know the other,
Their deepest secrets and denied emotion.
Is it just me, or am I happier talking to you?
No one Apr 14
In my hands,
I hold a long chain of silver,
Folded over itself a million times.

It shines in the light,
Like the millions of stars
Shining in a clear night sky.

The chain is long and hardy,
Not once bending or breaking
As the other pieces move.

Only us three remain,
Each trying to guide one to the other,
Until, finally, it snaps.

So, I take another piece,
This time in gold,
And try again.
The others look on, wondering how much time we have left.
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