I have loved, I have lost
All these romances, at what cost?
Is this heart not fragmented?
Is it a 'sin' meant to be repeated?
Yes, sometimes I feel tormented,
Yet a deep Truth in my soul
Whispers that I Am whole.

A steady voice, felt but not seen,
A constant presence on my team.
Even at the lowest of lows,
Ask for help
She always shows us the way,
It is the Tao
All that there is: the here and now.

a steady calm, a deep knowing
unhurried, unworried

Soul growth is primary,
a journey, never stationary
independant, yet woven together
always honouring one another
Love does not boast or confine
if one must go, give them time

birds in the sky, snakes in the sand
they never worry about being fed
or by which Hand

God is all-knowing
though we are gifted with free will,
there is a plan for each life
woven together by His intricate skill

It's 3am
And I want you to know
that I am thinking about your lips on mine
and the way that you show me how to trust again,
All in good time.
Thinking of how you leave a trail of fire on my skin
When you trace a line with a finger, or even breathe
On my neck; lights dimmed
Hearts shine.

From the outside looking in
This love is scandalous
It has been since the beginning.
Remember the time your girlfriend got me high?
I was expecting a girls night in
Maybe some dancing, maybe some wine
But no, she picks me up,
pill in hand, gives me a luscious kiss and says
"wait until you meet him"
(See she had been chasing me for quite some time
And I was of an age, thinking maybe I'll give this a try)

Now, I was no longer cognizant of tick-tock time
Perhaps an hour or more had gone by
She had me dressed as a fairy princess
She was dressed to the nines
Then you walked in.
I gave an audible sigh,
I couldn't believe my luck!
So handsome, piercing blue eyes..
How did I end up here?
To sleep with this girl, and this guy?
But this is not the moment to be asking 'why?'

Pretty soon we were all high... As a kite
She is a ******* and she likes to bite
(I had a mark on my *** a month after that night)
We all got naked to Howl at the full moon,
I didn't know what to expect
But I knew it would happen soon.
Making love in a euphoric glow
Feeling connected, in tune.
It was my first time so we went slow,
But in the end we just wanted to spoon.

We all lay there in a bubble of ecstasy
Counting my lucky stars to have these two next to me
And we knew it was fast, but the morning after
The spell was still cast; kitchen filled with laughter!
And perhaps I'm just daft or..
Naive, or too young..
But I accepted the invitation to move in.
And I sung praises in celebration
Of living among such loving openness
It was not an imitation
We were happy... For a while
Until she set this rule:
No *** without her.
Well, she had a different style
And we played her for a fool
Because we couldn't share
This deep, soulful jewel with her.

I still miss our nights spent naked in front of the fire,
But I had to set my sights on a new object of desire.
Should I leave now or later
To avoid any fights,
To avoid being a liar?

Alas, this threeway was not meant to last,
But I lost a third and I gained a half.
Because no matter where or who
We happened to be with from then on,
Our hearts are now glued together,
Like some myth from ancient times long gone.

More than two years has gone by since those days,
I've faced so many fears to find my way out of the maze
Of confusion, of woes that was my short marriage,
And you know how it goes "then came a baby in a baby carriage".
Yet still you were there while my belly grew,
I am so grateful to have spent some of that time with you.

My soul has been laid bare,
I've been made anew,
Acquired a new layer,
Like now I'm a new mom and I talk about poo!
I haven't a moment to spare
Between diapers, dishes, chores, bathing, cooking, studying.. laundry too:
Single mom style, a beauty so fair!
And yet you still look at me and tell me true,
That you love me even with sweat-plastered hair,
Dishevelled, and missing a shoe.

Well, that's how I feel most days
So just call me a hot mess,
But the heat from your gaze
Still makes me want to undress.

The nearness of your energy
Electrifying silently
Caresses, kisses, placed perfectly
As if it has been this way for eternity

Trying not to jump ahead, to leap,
The nearness of you has me diving deep
Past surface feelings into the coffers that keep
Ancient wisdom, strength, power:
The reservoir where warriors speak from

The nearness of you, the depth
Of the midnight blue skies
Peppered with stars and city lights
It would seem that dust from the angels
Above is entwined with branches,
Enhancing our sight.
Absolutely no awareness to passers-by
Enraptured in the simple touch,
Smell, smile... the nearness of you.

Flowing footsteps from skytrain to street
Trying to stay calm, but I'm so excited to meet
You, here, under the changing glow
Of signs, of places, hoping we slow our
Pace and enter. But we are in search
Of another establishment, on the whim
Of a word, a nudge in the right direction.
The winds blow us into the red glow
Of ambiance, of elegance, the right selection
Portobello perfection, Mezcal gin,
Beautiful soul sitting close with a grin,
We can't help but laugh "this is how you win!"

Foggy to recall the way that we went
Home on the bus, or the money we spent.
None of that matters much when you are lost
In the depth of another being, intriguing
To find kin where you are not used to seeing them.
Laughing up the stairs in the corridor,
Knowing in this moment, this is your life,
It is beautiful, you are not needing more.
Both of us feeling this as we reach the door,
"Welcome to Buzzer 2" let's see what's in store.

Waking up cuddling, always a delight.
So much accomplished already, but you might
Have to run out quickly and buy some beans
For the bullet coffee that will be our means
Of mobilization, into the street,
Rubber soles on our feet, ready to meet
The pavement outside which will guide
Our path from delicious morning smoothie
Over bridges, through the downtown core,
Both realizing we would make a great movie
If film could ever capture the way that we soar.

Hats tilted slightly sideways, we even get work done.
Painting quickly so we may continue our run,
Over the Granville bridge, lilac in the air.
And there is no hiding the way that you stare
At my ***, and the mountains, a beauty so fair.

Rangoli's is next, fine dining, the best chai!
Decadently treated to Portobello twice.
Sweaty in our running gear, we are here
Trying to avoid timestamped bills and clock chimes
But you give me your best guess, lately spot on!
I glance at the sun to figure how much day is gone.
Even though there are so many moments left
To unravel, I embody the feelings - being
Ever present to crystallize the memory of our travels.

We turn towards the sinking sun, and I run
My fingers through windblown lion-locks.
Basking in the energy we emanate, we stun
Onlookers with our badassery and good looks.

Granville island is next on the docket
Searching for elusive sumac, in the spice shop
It is tucked away on a shelf, among rarities.
You light up at the till, and guarantee
The next place we head to is going to be
The crown of the afternoon - The Distillery

In shorts and tanks we stroll in with class,
Walk up to the bar and order a glass
Of the finest and most signature gin,
But just a taste, not enough to make the head spin.
A nectar so pure, so incredibly smooth
We continue our stroll, we continue to lose
Sight of places you were expected to be,
Apparently easy to do when you hang out with me.

Crossing under the bridge, sunset rays shine
Through the city canopy, it is nearly time
For the moon to transition us into the night,
But I pull you aside for a moment, while its still light
And kiss you with passion, with fever, with might.
That gin in the afternoon has increased our delight.

And it's not over yet, we play for a while.
Horsing around at the bus stop, we smile
And pose on the blue wall, gangster-style.
Moments in snapshots, spirit of the child
Creating our reality, embracing our WILD.