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Armand-DeamoJC Sep 2020
On the floor again
Unconscious again
I'm screaming for help again
Dad's working again
You have no memory again
The neighbors took us to the hospital again
Everyone knows your bipolar now
Everyone thinks my mom's crazy
She's not. Why do I have to fight to convince myself she's not.
Mom why do you give up?
Mom what's wrong!?
Mom is it us?
Mom is it dad?
Mom what happened?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO LIVE?
The beeping monitor disturbed my thoughts
And there you were again
Yourself, with eyes wide open
And a weak body once more
Being told what you did to *yourself
My mother was diagnosed with bipolar disorder 9 years ago. I found this in one of my books I used to read beside her bed. She takes her meds these days, but my whole life I thought it was my birth or the way my sister and I treat each other that triggered her, but it was her own childhood of being beated and *****
Armand-DeamoJC Sep 2020
I wanna see the horrors of this world and hate it
I wanna see the wonders of this world and love it
I wanna find love and cherish it
I wanna die young and regret it
Armand-DeamoJC Sep 2020
My thirst for appreciation
Is like my hunger for prosperity
This restless relaxation
Is evolving into lethal severity
I wish for a love with no separation
Let me meet her in perpendicularity

Our different paths may cross
And our hearts may bond
I want a best friend, not a boss
I want a love that shines far beyond

Am I seeking an irregularity
Or just an unpopularity
It has to be possible
For it is only plausible
I don't want *** anymore. I just want someone better than my ex
  Aug 2020 Armand-DeamoJC
Her
My name is Erin
and i was *****
at the age of 7

it has taken me
14 years of my life
for those 13 words to escape
my hollow mouth

the only questions i come to now
is why
why lock me in that room
why take everything from me
my innocence
my purity
my childhood

in that room
where my family trusted you
where i trusted you
the night terrors i have to this day
still haunt my mind

like a never ending
drive in movie that plays
over
and
over
only the moon in the night sky
isnt made to be found here
there is no light in these terrors

i cant sleep this time of year
because every time i do
its you
in that room
locking the door
shutting the windows
******* me
yelling at me
every single night
i close my eyes

it has taken me 14 years
to accept the fact that i was taken by you
i have been numb ever since
left in the dust
rotting away at the core
thinking i was nothing
thinking i deserved nothing
because you took everything

but not anymore
i will recover from this
i am strong enough
i believe in myself
i believe in my own happiness
and i promsie
that when i have children one day
i will never ever let them rot at the core
i will find happiness
the darkness will not take over this time
Armand-DeamoJC Jul 2020
Life is a delusion of meaning,
We seek direction without seeing.
Death is deceived as the end,
For none accept it is meant.
The people will forever live a lie,
We're not meant to live, but die.

Infinite possibilities of history,
But one day it won't be me.
Ineffable beauty we all desire,
Nefarious cruelty we all will acquire.

The only greatness we will find,
Is that destiny is very unkind.
Cupid is ****** and love's a lie,
Another arrow, and I will die.

Let me feel love again,
To leave this world in pain.
I'm not a poet anymore,
But maybe I never were.

The words here, I have said,
Are the memories I have bled.
Heal me, but never take my scars,
Feel me, for I'll be amongst the stars.
For death is darkness right?
In space, there is no ligh.
Forever, I'll float into the abyss,
And maybe find something to miss.
Death might not be the end, it might actually be what we're meant for. What if you wake up again and you're in space. A star, or a planet. There are so many possibilities that some of us will make history, but I won't. We expect too much and receive the opposite. Love kills more that it creates, yet we desire it. I only speak of experience, a lot of other people have different lives, but too many share the same as I. Losing it all again, and again, and again. We only learn that we are irrelevant and family is the only love
  Apr 2020 Armand-DeamoJC
Loveless
And over time,
My pen stopped bleeding
But my heart didn't
  Apr 2020 Armand-DeamoJC
PS
Well beneath my sarcasm
My hatred for the world

There is a different story waiting
Waiting to be told

For I am made of poetry
Of sunsets
And the moon

Of summer rain
And chocolate smell
And nights that end too soon

It's hidden well
It's out of sight
It's on you to find the key

For my fragile little world,
My dear,
Is not for everyone, you see?
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