I've lost my way and I've lost the light,
the beacon of hope that used to shine in the distance.
I don't know what went wrong.
What went right?
But this ache that has started to freeze my soul,
I can feel it, taking control.

This ache that appeared as my shining light dimmed.
Now, as I stare into the mirror, I see.
I see hatred and I see dishonesty and I see ugliness
I see loneliness.
My distorted image that craves touch.
The touch of people that care in a crowded room filled with hope

A hope that was peeled away even as my weakened fingers clutched,
begging for it to never leave me.
Curling away as I curled into myself.
Trying to carry on through the pain and despair that screamed
in my slowly freezing soul.

Sometimes I don't understand how people string sentences together
In a room full of crowded people, all eyes upon them.
I can only gaze in wonder as they speak,
oozing a certain confidence that I don't possess.
People that have the ability to commandeer a classroom, a captain.
Whilst I stay below deck, hands shaking at the thought of speaking next.

Smart doesn't always mean confident, what I put on paper doesn't translate well when I try to explain things out loud.
Daunting steps to the front of a room, all eyes upon me, strikes fear in me
My arms are lead, notes ready to fall from my hands
The hum of chatter a constant reminder that I am no captain.
I won't ever commandeer a classroom through speech

I can only hope that one day I'll be able to take that walk without my heart pounding a constant rhythm against my chest.
Without feeling like I'm about to have a noose put around my neck.

Dear Autumn,
I feel that with the arrival of you, my favourite season,
I have found myself on a path that I wanted to never again tread.
Whilst your leaves are falling, they do not crunch
like they have in the years that have passed.
And it's started to rain, Autumn. The novel that is my life,
it detests the pathetic fallacy you provide.

Last week your wind forgot me, forgot to fill my lungs
with life and hope and I still struggle to breathe.
I did not shake because of the cold, Autumn,
but because of this cave, full of puppets and shadows and -
Autumn, I am not rooted any more but I'm not free.
And I fall, Autumn, like the rain and like the leaves.

Did he know
For one moment
At all
Among flash and bang
And flaring flame
That his soul
Had lost its tenuous
Hold that gripped
Upon the cliffs of life
Or did he just slide
As body falls
Into dark of night?

Love does not speak tonight
It pants
In warm whispers in your ear
With fingers trailing silken skin
Tracing soft and subtle curves
It pants
In hot and hurried breath
It licks
It bites
Salt and wet
'Til torrid passion
Is finally met
Love does not speak tonight
But sighs gently in your ear