I dare to dream of unthinkable things,
which are definitely beyond my means,
to escape to a place,
but never explored,
the beauty of you,
the one I adore,
to relinquish the feeling,
in need of healing,
wondering thoughts of where you are,
desperate measures,
simple pleasures,
still, I dream of those unthinkable things,
beyond my reach and yet ------- still I dream,

Along this path
she's had to greet

angels and demons,
truths and lies,
all of which mirror
the Self she's disguised.

Yet she battles,
ferocious
to conquer her path;

she is alchemy,
warrior,
the fire to your match.

I departed the plane of my mind and passed by the baggage claim,
I did not want to carry my baggage anymore

I tried to find peace
I tried to find sobriety in your absence
But I drank nectar from your garden
Gorged myself in your absinth

Now my body aches, head swells
Tongue bitter, dripping ammonia
Withdrawals I'm too familiar with
Caused by a golden gods ambrosia

If I could reach up
And extend my arms

Stretch out my fingers
Squeeze my eyes shut and just touch
The very tip of a star

Stardust would sprinkle into my hair
Twinkling, like morning frost

I would float up
Weightless
A feather headed back to the wing of the bird who left it behind

I would soar above the world
Candy floss clouds caught in my shoelaces

The moon would look on
Watch me wrap myself in a midnight blanket
And gaze back down to earth from the heavens

If I could just touch that star
An entire world of magic would course through my fingertips

But it would be nothing
Nothing
Compared to how I feel when I'm with you

one, two, three shots
a cold basement, a cold count
the sound of laughter and half-hearted attempts at conversation
i feel myself loosen up and even get a bit
friendly
confident
i have my lover at my side and it feels like everything makes sense like
everything is supposed to be this way
this is how people like me have fun
i love how the alcohol warms and coats my throat
until
i feel my mother

(can I call her that?)

her hair, a flame of tangled curls and the smell of
men
drunk off of her and her magic
radiating inside of me
my colloquial tone begins to fall away as she
climbs
up
up
up
and i try and try
but i can’t hold her down
she is suffocating me with her illness and she whispers to me in a drunken tone
she tells me that this is the way to live

see all the people laughing, my dear?
they aren’t sad
hearing their cries boom off of their bedroom walls
trying to pretend the beating of their heart is a death drum
shuddering and shaking violently to the beat of the song at their early funeral
no,
they are loving each other and talking
in their own tongue

this is the way to find me, your mother.
to feel my liquid embrace.
warm and
sharp

so drink, my dear.
drink until you pour your insides into some stranger's toilet in the early hours of the morning.
you won’t worry about the fact that you just got sick,
and your mind has the possibility to get sick like mine did,
that every step of life could easily take a violent turn that you won't be able to stop
you will be happy that your stomach is empty and you are finally
finally
hollowed out

the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, my dear, and the past repeats itself and
i have handed you mine

so drink up.