great calamity of the sea
please bring my baby back to me
for all these tears i've come to weep
as air bubbles and thrashing cloth emerge from the deep

Thrashing, clawing,
I drank the salt milk of the Earth
I learned long ago that if i try to breathe you in I
choke instead

Throat on fire and a head full of flowers, your name cusped my wrists like champagne grips the glass it drips from
Cold and sticky
Smelling like the soul of an old forgotten farmhouse
thousands of baby's breath swaying, the vapor is in the floor boards
just like I am in you

Dark, envy green stems thorn the tissue of my temple
and when they get out,
the blood drips so long and hard that it
carries its own longing
are you afraid?

i want to pull open your chest, dig my fingers to bone
red viscera clinging to cold, wet skin
i am all 117 pounds of longing to know the darkness inside, all the places you've been
i want you to hit me until a small part of you feels good
healed even

you playfully pinned my arms in california,
me, hundreds of miles from home. you, hundreds of microseconds away from snapping.
looked down at me with, well,
all perplexion and cinched dark brow
I couldn't tell if you were trying to figure out if i got a new pair of eyes since i'd last seen you
or if you were searching for the possibility of the ability to - absolutely undo me.
cracked open
shake out all the pins and twigs and thimbles

Terence White said
"Think of lust. Real blood lust is like that."
But White was talking about falconry,
and I'm talking about a sick personal desire to be obliterated

knock all the blocks down and cut the chord,
and like the graeae we'll share one heart,
one pain,
a shared experience in which we come out understanding
as if that's something that
we can even
manage

felt like a leviathan lift, a soul pull
that he cracked open and showed me
I showed him trouble and red marks about the neck
he gave me berries from his fingers and seashells

and he still liked me
best.
even when my cheeks burned off freckles of ash
somewhere far away

I like him best when both eyes clench and he sways
waves of autonomy transcending him somewhere I'll never know
only wish to be
to lay down my love, my life
my solace and my forgiveness in one sentry

on the tip of the bridge
I sink knowingly
Because I know you'll see
is it enough to suffer for you?
the less I know the better

it felt like a kiss from god
stung, swollen red and lots of
peculiarity

I move my hips in the mirror wondering if I'd look good to you
I just want comfort
it's so cold so much of the time

in an existence
chock full of unknown
I just want something to hold onto

so I'll do as you ask
I'll put your crimson hand to my mouth and pull
in
through my teeth

anything anything anything I can breath in
just to sit in a field of flowers
and feel a lively warmth radiate from within