I breathe you in
Like the chemicals I inhale,
In a sad attempt
To forget you.

The thought of where
Your hands used to be,
Wrapped around my waist,
Now feels so ghostly.

I hear your laughter
Ringing through my mind,
Cluttering my thoughts,
Thoughts of when we were intertwined.

you're breathing in, your chest expanding
and i can see the hymn on the tremble of your lips
your eyes are searching mine in a frenzy and i know you saw cinnamon turn into hurricanes
so you're quiet again and i'm relieved and you're protected and i'm free
yesterday you'd wonder if i could feel the butterflies in my stomach-
well, honey, next week when i'm in tennessee i'll wonder if you can still feel the acid burning in your throat
we were never smart about this- i flip and you garble
you sip and i swallow
we weren't made for tomorrow
and i'll be battling morals while my lips press to jack's, watching you watch me
and wondering if it will be evan next or ezra or- oh, who gives a ****, i won't remember their names
it's sick, maybe, but the greatest lesson of barrel and sky is
this won't hurt if you numb it

picasso shouted your name
i left my cigarettes in your car i think
Saturday night, all red-eyes and pleads for help
funny thing is, you hate me i think
funny thing is, you came, you found me, walking unsteadily, phone in hand head in sky mind on you
that's what mattered
too high to comprehend, I was home
they say when you look at the ocean - you feel it.
like being baptized all over again,
maybe this time you'll believe -
at least as much as they wanted you to
you'll hear what it is they say salvation brings,
like a resurrection to make you feel less alone
no honey, you are alone
but I swear you were my sanctuary
I swear you still are
what's a baptism? I'm still dead
mouthing responses back to my thoughts,
I woke up this morning from dreaming about you
only to read a text, saying, you were dreaming of me too

You started the spark
In my heart
But you never thought
It was a good idea
To put out the fire
So here I am
Left with no heart
Because you let it burn
Until there was nothing left

Crashing waves
The steady wind
Chirping birds
The wind chimes on our old porch
Sounds of thunder rolling into our small town
The most beautiful noises I can think of.
These are the sounds I hear when I close my eyes.

One sound is missing however.
*I can no longer hear your voice

do you feel that when we touch?
the feeling like we're two cars on the freeway,
about to collide head-on,
going 100 miles an hour,
and we don't have our headlights on,
and we don't see the impending mess we're about to beautifully configure.
but,
we keep driving.
i feel it when you look at me,
with my favourite pair of eyes.
i feel this rush of naive mystery,
i know it's going to hurt like hell when we collide,
but i keep driving.
i do not slow.
i do not falter.
i just wait for our impact,
and for all our pieces to go flying.

a.m.