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Three small chunks of my soul
Ripped right out of my chest
          Every weekend

       The same **** thing
The hugs, tears and kisses goodbye
               With them
The screaming, mistrust and hateful words
               With him

The pain seems neverending
And never getting any better
       All the bridges burned
   Without
          a single
                look
                      back­

But regret can build and build
When you realize some bridges
             Can't be rebuilt

And yet
         I can't regret him
Or the pain he dealt to me
    Cause he helped to create
Those three small pieces of my soul

          And they may be small
      But put together
   They create my life as a whole

    Every Weekend
The same **** thing
        And it hurts
   Finally having that feeling
Like you're actually whole
         Then all three pieces
             Get
            RIPPED
       Right out of my soul


And until next weekend
**I cannot feel whole
For Krystalyn, Klairety and KJ, my three beautiful children that I love dearly and miss even more when they're away from me.
Update: I haven't seen my children on two months, please copy and paste this link www.gofundme.com/r5wnpsd5  read my story and help if you can, thank you.
If
  They
     Really
        Do
           Love
              You
            They'll
         Never
      Leave
   You
Sometimes we think they'll come back... But they should have never left...
 May 2015 Ciara
R
Untitled
 May 2015 Ciara
R
Why would I deny myself the simple pleasure of your beauty?
He's so handsome...
 May 2015 Ciara
Fish The Pig
"oh god, seeing you in that dress
makes me realize just how fat you've gotten
why didn't you brush your hair?
I don't care if you wanted it curled that way it looks awful!
who's he?
he looks like a freak,
this is disgusting
I can't believe you embarrassed me this way
you nasty **** I bet you lied to me too!
I don't understand where I went wrong
to have such an ugly sinning daughter"


oh yes,
what would I be without my mother?
happy.
I'd be happy.
I looked beautiful and they told me so,
so ******* mother dearest.
 May 2015 Ciara
Styles
Ego
 May 2015 Ciara
Styles
Ego
I’m a premonition, I don’t need permission. I’m all the things your thoughts been missing. Doubt will put you in a **** up position. Some of you can’t tell the difference, and that's the difference.  You don’t want to be lied to you, but you don’t listen. It’s like you don't want to be saved, at least be on the same page with your issues. But you want to stay for good, so whats really good? That’s coming from somebody who knows really good. Saying it good, when it ain’t so really good. Since I know the tides of life, I just know it will be good. The ups and downs, even out the clouds. Time repeats itself on either hand, that’s just how the story goes. His story, my story  at least that’s what history shows. The difference is I ain’t him, different story and the credits show. Don’t judge a book by its cover, if all the chapters haven’t been told. From different circumstance, we change or stance, perception is half the show. ******* gets its value, by how well its sold. So be careful what you listen to you; they say never say never - but you never know. Believe in yourself, cause we all reap what we sow. I am what you need to stay alive, like the air you breathe; I am ego.
 Apr 2015 Ciara
Josh Allen
It all started with you telling me to close my eyes and that you have a little surprise for me.

We were laying in your bed with dim lights on and you grabbed my face and kissed me yet i kept my eyes closed because if i opened them ******* i would've seen the mistake i made and it would've dragged me into a self made hell i made in my imagination that was leaded by you

yet that hell would've been the only place where i felt comfortable so i opened my eyes and kissed you back to know what kissing a snake felt like

sometimes when i look at you i get chills down my body knowing that i love you but i wish i didnt

when i kissed you i closed my eyes wondering if what we had or would have one day is real

when i kiss your lips i start trembling but **** i cant help but kiss you

when i was at home alone you texted me

"hey im on my way to your house lets drive around"

we drove around talking about how big the universe is and how we're not alone and blah blah blah

then i was silent for about 20 seconds and you parked your car downtown and no one was around and you looked me in the eye and said "i love you"

i looked at you while you looked at me and said i love you too

and in my head i thought i wish i didnt

it was a week or two later we were driving to a restaurant and we held hands as you drove and your car went out of control and went off the bridge

i woke up a day later in a hospital bed with you in the bed next to mine but when i called your name something seemed a miss

your body was covered except for your hand which was hanging on the side and when i held it you were cold and i found out i was the only one who survived

at your funeral i laid a rose on your casket and told you i loved you but i wished i didnt
 Apr 2015 Ciara
NV
go on.
 Apr 2015 Ciara
NV
go on.

starve yourself.

as if you're not already hungry for something your flesh cannot touch.

go on.

starve yourself.

as if you have not already lost enough.

go on.

starve yourself.

as if your ego is more important than your soul.
 Apr 2015 Ciara
NV
Untitled
 Apr 2015 Ciara
NV
BUT NOBODY TOLD ME THE FUNERAL NEVER ENDS.

IT'S BEEN ELEVEN YEARS NOW, AND THE CASKET'S STILL LOWERING.

*
"LEAVE ME HERE MOM. LEAVE ME HERE. I'M DEAD TOO."
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