Chrissy

Chrissy Aug 2018

Maybe If I write my feelings down and threw them away
they will go away too ? Or maybe be recycled ?
Maybe if I scream how I’m feeling into the atmosphere it will somehow get carried to you
Or evaporate and dance with the water particles

Or maybe I shouldn’t let lingering longing consume me anymore
Maybe I shouldn’t let you play on my mind like a broken record because
time isn't refundable but I guess my heart was

#love #heart #pain #sad #heartbreak

Chrissy Aug 2018

Stained

I'm scared of opening up the pages of my book
only for them to be scribbled on
stained with the very ink I was viciously trying to avoid

#sad #love #sadness #relationship #scared

Chrissy Mar 2018

It still hurts

You know I smile because it’s better than crying
It’s better than showing everyone I’m in pain when I’m trying to be strong
But sometimes I can’t help it
Sometimes I still cry because your not here anymore
Because every single thing reminds me of our story
Of what you’ve been through
and what I've lost
And I wish I could have taken away some of the pain every single time
I wish I could have absorbed all the bad energy so it couldn’t hurt you anymore
But I felt helpless
And all I could do was watch you slowly leave me.

#loss #death #cancer #mom

Chrissy Mar 2018

Mutual pain

You hurt me
And I hurt you
It was mutual

#love #life #relationship

Chrissy Feb 2018

That kind of pain

You know that type of hurting that radiates through your whole body
sending pulses of needle sharp pain through you
making your fingers and toes throb
yes that's the kind of pain
I felt when I
saw you
again

#love #pain #agony #hurt

Chrissy Feb 2018

Not so lovely love

"I'm catching feelings for you"
catching feeling ??
your catching feeling for me ???
feelings I never threw in the first place
but you seem to have caught
deep down I knew
but chose to ignore
I wish I could wipe away all your memories of me
because its like I'm immune to loving you
am I the bad guy for not feeling the same?
for hurting someone so perfect
your just too good to be true
I'm going war with my mind and my heart
my mind is winning
it shot a bullet straight through me reminding me
I'm too selfish to love
that I'm not fit to be loved
I'm so disoriented
even the wind blows towards me and gets lost in my hair
I'm so aesthetically awkward
water doesn't like me and tries to escape from my eyes
I'm going to hurt you
I'm the poison that can melt you internally and not regret it
I will dissolve your heart with the molten lava I call my words
I'm not so lovely love

because someone said they loved me

#love #pain #hurt #sad #heart #loneliness #fear #emotion #feelings

Chrissy Jan 2018

The darkness

I was unhappy
I lived my childhood tiptoeing around my problems
You were my problem
I didn’t really have a childhood
I didn’t really have “fun” memories
I had distraught memories of always hurting

You asked me why am I always frowning
How can I be happy when
I felt like i was going mad
I felt like I was the problem
That I caused it to be this way
That it’s my fault because I was too pretty
It’s my fault because i drew attention to myself
It’s my fault because I was asking for this to happen
that i would be returned to a place I thought was ten times worse then this
So I endured the suffering and the pain
And the darkness and my writing became my only friend , the only friend that knew everything
The only friend I could hide behind

#abuse #pain #hurt #darkness