Here I sit,
Restless.
These echoes,
Relentless.
Shame
Crawling through my veins.
Leaving a mark
On my withered brain.
Too spiteful to care
For my weakened frame.

For I
Shall choose myself to blame.

I am weary,
Though not for sleep.
This yawn
Means something more deep.
And I fear,
In my rest.
Body tosses
Through unmade sheets.
Yet I wake,
Instead.

As the cycle repeats.

Here I stand.
And though I land
With a thump and thud,
Little whispers
Fill me with love.

And these little voices,
Replicate mine.
As love of others
Was difficult to find.

Yet I do not mind,
No not at all.
For love of oneself,

Is better
Then none at all.

I envision a dream,
Created by me.
Of a boat floating
Along a gentle sea.
No waves to see,
Nor fish I seize.
Just one with myself,

And finally at ease.

In my world,
There is black and white.
Lots of fights,
Continuous cries.

But that's okay.

I get my paints,
And color the greys.
Turn white to yellow,

And finally create.

One idea,
To a thousand thoughts.
Some prove true,
Others are false.
Cruel or kind?
Nobody can tell.
Not even I,
The creator of this shell.
For my own,
Are unknown,
They choose,
They decide.
Leaving a complexity
In our evergrowing mind.

Dear lord,
Lead me away.
Hurt still greets me
In the hours of day.
My loss of love
Was extraordinary pain.
And all that’s left is
Your ghostly remains.