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Jun 2015 · 834
_ _ _ _
FallenAngel93 Jun 2015
Some days,
It was enough just to know,
That I had a packet of blades,
In the house,
They were cold,
Very sharp,
Security blanket.

*Maybe one day, I'll be okay..
Jun 2015 · 743
Goodbye
FallenAngel93 Jun 2015
I know this is a place for poems, but I believe the 22nd will be my last day on here for awhile..
May 2015 · 755
_ _
FallenAngel93 May 2015
_ _
They say things get better,
but they don't you just,
get use to it.
FallenAngel93 May 2015
A broken mirror,

A bleeding fist,

A sliver blade against a wrist,

Tears falling down to lips unkissed,

Ignore her and she won't exist,

She's not the kind you'll come to miss..
May 2015 · 590
_
FallenAngel93 May 2015
_
I'm stuck between two,
two,
One that hurt me,
And one that I hurt,
Two,
****!
May 2015 · 2.1k
..Only Father Figure..
FallenAngel93 May 2015
Sometimes I feel all alone,
Because God sent him home.
We used to be so close,
But I miss him the most.
I used to ask him for prayer,
But now it's as he's not even here.
When he stepped on Heaven's shore,
Oh how he couldn't love God more.
He opened the door,
He kissed the floor.
We can talk about God all day,
And the memories we have will never fade away.
I shed a tear every night,
I tell God and my Grandpa goodnight.
Life had it's ups and downs,
But you turned life all around.
Cancer ate him alive as he tried to survive,
Someday we all have to die,
Now he's a beautiful angel up in the sky.
I know you're in a better place,
But I can't wait till I can see your face.
I know you're watching over me and guiding me in everything I do.
The prayers you prayed, and the things you did,
I want to say thank you and I love you
May 2015 · 944
...I miss you
FallenAngel93 May 2015
I'm not sure where to start,
I don't know how to begin,
I guess I'll start with i miss you,
Cause that's what I'm feeling within,

I miss you like a cloud with no sun in the sky,
It has nothing to look up to and so it cries,
Crying raindrops fall onto the ground,
To just fade to nothing, nowhere to be found,

I miss you like a tree with no leave,
Nothing to move and drift in the breeze,
Leave scattered and sodden,
Walked upon, a broke soul down trodden,

I miss you like a mouth with no tongue,
It cannot speak, all these words left unsung,
They just hang in the moment, caught up in the mind,
Words left unspoken and all left behind,

I miss you like friends all alone,
Each missing each other, calling them on the phone,
It's like no ones answering your endless calls,
Pleas echoing along deserted halls,

I miss you like a lover torn away,
From the one she cares for and thinks of each day,
When she reaches for his hand, and when she reaches for his kiss,
And theres nothing there, only memories of this,

I miss you as a lover,
I miss you as a friend,
I miss your words,
Of how we wouldn't end,

I miss you as a tree,
And i miss you as a cloud,
I miss you with every tears i cry,
Each tear shows I'm not proud,

I miss you as i fall apart,
And i reach out for you touch,
And then i remember you're not there,
God i miss you babe, so much
May 2015 · 457
That's All
FallenAngel93 May 2015
You see cutters
don't cut for attention,
they cut because they have
an addiction.
May 2015 · 479
_
FallenAngel93 May 2015
_
Stupid us
thinking we were
in love.*



Stupid me
thinking I was finally
good enough.
May 2015 · 472
Untitled
FallenAngel93 May 2015
I felt so happy for a while,
I finally felt okay,
But why did I believe I was getting better,
When I knew that I would sink right back into my usual self,
I am bad again,
I am worse then before,
And any hope that I had left,
Is gone.
8 months of feeling okay, feeling safe, feeling happy, real smile, and there for a second okay with myself, you took it all away.
May 2015 · 570
"Happiness.."
FallenAngel93 May 2015
"I'm saying you need to find your happiness."
she said..

"You were my ******* happiness"
I replied..

"Were..."*
she said..

"That's because there is NO US and that was my happiness so I guess this is me until I die.."*
I replied..
May 2015 · 461
Stay Strong.
FallenAngel93 May 2015
When I'm long gone,
Just remember one thing please?


                        *My voice, saying I love you!
May 2015 · 625
Almost Last Night..
FallenAngel93 May 2015
I was so close,
Last night,
And you stopped me,
Why?

Do you hate me,
That ******* much,
I'm hurting,
Broken,
Disgusted with myself,
Sick in many ways,

I don't see why you,
Insist to keep me here,
Let me go,
I know it'll hurt,
But let me go,
Because one big thing is,

I don't want to be here without you,
I told you that,
Yet I am,
So let me go away,
To another place,
And just stay there,
For a good bit,
We will meet up someday.
last night I was so close to ending my life. But yet I just had another sleepless night. But one thing I have never done is brake like this in school. And look at me. You seen me this morning, everyone did. That is disgusting. Understand now? Why I say all those "horrible" things about me. Maybe just maybe because they are the truth??
May 2015 · 385
My lies..
FallenAngel93 May 2015
I'm Fine
    I'm not fine. please help me
                  
                       *I'm just tired

                              
I can't take this anymore
    
I already ate
    
I starve myself
            
                                                   Go away
                                                           *Show me you care enough to stay


I'm just cold
      I don't want you to see my scars

                                                                I'm better, I promise
                                                                      I've never been this bad

I'm Cold
     *I just want to die
May 2015 · 1.1k
I'm Sick..
FallenAngel93 May 2015
I tell my parents, my ex (wishing she was mine), my friends, my siblings,
that "I am sick"

I now know that I'm not like flu, or cold, sick.
I'm so disgusted with myself that it make me feel sick,
It happens most when I look in the mirror, or get dressed, I don't have a point in trying anymore. So yeah..
May 2015 · 443
If..
FallenAngel93 May 2015
If only walls could talk;
They'd tell you about me,
And how they hear me scream,
And watch me while I bleed.

If only walls could talk;
They'd tell you I was ******
Surprised that I'm not dead,
With a knife clutched to my hand.

If only walls could talk;
They'd tell you how I cry,
All the pain that's in my eyes,
That's eating me alive.

If only walls could talk;
They'd tell you to be strong,
To keep on moving on,
Long after I'm gone
May 2015 · 370
They Are Thinking.
FallenAngel93 May 2015
Saying goodbye
Was the hardest thing to do
I never thought I would
Especially not to you.

You always listened
And knew what to say
Knew when to give a hug
When I was having a bad day.

No one will ever take your place
I can always promise you this
It's hard to find someone like you
So know you'll always be missed
May 2015 · 378
No One Understands
FallenAngel93 May 2015
No one really knows how I honestly feel,
Daily I think of ways to **** myself,
And I have to fight that off,
Yet it never goes away,
No one knows I paint on my smile for school,
And for the public,
But I get home in my room,
And I brake,
And thinking "no one understands"
I really am just ready to let my thoughts..
win..
May 2015 · 1.4k
..Wondering..
FallenAngel93 May 2015
They say "suicide is not the option"
    
           but...
                                                 *they never give you another one..
May 2015 · 460
The Hell??????????
FallenAngel93 May 2015
I hate my life.
and everyone thinks,
I'm happy!
May 2015 · 431
Suicidal Thoughts..
FallenAngel93 May 2015
I'm the girl that will talk that girl out of suicide or self harm,
but has a hard time doing it for herself,
I can assure you how beautiful, perfect, amazing you are,
but doesn't want them to feel the same about her,
the opposite.
May 2015 · 310
And Now I'm Gone
FallenAngel93 May 2015
goodnight, you said

goodbye, i said,

and you never

thought twice about it..
May 2015 · 623
I'm "fine"
FallenAngel93 May 2015
My Feelings?
oh, don't
worry about them
no one
else ever does.
May 2015 · 401
Lies!
FallenAngel93 May 2015
"It Gets Better."
   When?
            
       "It'll be okay."
           ...no it won't
              
                   "I'm here for you."
                       *******
  
                             "It's okay.."
                                *no it's not..
May 2015 · 277
"She"
FallenAngel93 May 2015
She hurts,
And she cries,
But you can't see the depression,
In her eyes,
Because she just smiles.
"She", is me. And I'm so fed up with living this way.
May 2015 · 505
Untitled
FallenAngel93 May 2015
I'm not sure if we each have a destiny or  if we are just all floating around accidental like a breeze.
May 2015 · 751
I Need Her? But Can't.
FallenAngel93 May 2015
I realized today I have stopped,
stopped living life,
I'm literally just just trying to,
get to the next day,
just living in the thought of tomorrow,
I'm not living,
I'm waiting,
And the trouble is,
I don't know what I'm,
exactly waiting for,
I'm kinda scared,
for what is might be..
May 2015 · 425
OMG..It's really happening.
FallenAngel93 May 2015
Well I got my hoodie today,
And I broke,
Maybe it is for the best,
But yet why does it hurt so bad,
I am just so tired,
Tired of trying,
Tired of faking,
Tired of sleepless nights,
Tired of caring,
Tired of being alone,
Tired of breathing,
Tired of living,
Most of all,
Tired of being Tired.
Like ****.
May 2015 · 357
Eh
FallenAngel93 May 2015
Eh
My life revolves around pain,
So much it's made me,
Hurt my self and not even feel a thing,
It makes me sick afterwards,
When I see the scars and remember every,
Tiny little thing for why I have those ******* scars.
Apr 2015 · 507
Recovery.
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
Realizing that you're worth it..
Experiencing real happiness..
Caring about yourself..
Over coming your own demons..
Validating your worth..
Eating without regret..
Relapse- it's going to happen, it's inevitable and that's okay..
Yearning to live..
I am getting there..
Apr 2015 · 510
..
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
..
Scars on my hips,
Scars on my thighs,
Eyes full of hurt,
And mouth full of lies..
Apr 2015 · 455
You Probably Don't
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
You probably don't understand,
Most people don't,
You will never understand,
How much anger,
How much self hatred,
Someone must have,
To take a razor to themselves,
And cut into their own skin..
Apr 2015 · 1.3k
Kill Me
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you.



But the roses have wilted,
And the violets are dead,
The sugar bowl is empty,
And my wrist are stained red.
Apr 2015 · 303
You Don't Get It
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
You don't
Get it
Okay.

It's not
Easy for
Me to
Explain.

But I'm
Not trying
To be
Lazy, it's just
That I'm so
******* tired

And I have,
No motivation,
To succeed and,
I don't even know why,
This life
Is Happening
To me..
Apr 2015 · 369
.
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
.
I look in the mirror,

And I see many things,

Many things,

But not my own self,

I don't know who I am anymore,

And maybe I never will,

Maybe I'm too far gone,

*And passed the point of return.
Apr 2015 · 434
...
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
...
I think I hit the point in life where,
I'm just done.

I cried,
I fought,
I tried,

But everything is crashing down.

My demons are screaming louder.
Trying to eat away the rest of me.

and this time,
I'm not going to fight back.
Apr 2015 · 393
Nightmare.
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
The monsters my parents warned me about, when I was younger weren't under my bed..or in my closet..but they were in my head.
Apr 2015 · 1.1k
My Struggle
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
People told me
       "get over it"
I tried.

People told me
       "get better grades"
I tried.

People told me
       "stop being so quiet"
I tried.

People told me
       "you look tired, get more sleep"
I tried.

People told me
       "just **** yourself already"
I'm trying.
Apr 2015 · 451
Life..
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
>Last time I ate a full meal and kept it down: two days ago.

>Last time I cut: last night.

>Last time I took medicine I shouldn't of: two weeks ago.

>Last time I tried to end it all: Maybe a month ago?

>Last time I cried: Last night.

>Last attack: Last night.

>Last time I thought about suicide: 20 minutes ago?

>Last time I got angry:  *30 minutes ago?
why...oh because im worthless.
Apr 2015 · 313
Untitled
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
so..
I guess,
I'm about to get jumped,
But i deserve the beatings i get..
Apr 2015 · 262
Untitled
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
So many lies,



                                     The truth?
                                                      
            
                                                                  It don't even matter anymore.
Apr 2015 · 328
I'm Sorry..
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
My Best Wasn't Enough










                                                                          I get that.
Apr 2015 · 299
It'll Happen
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
Please
don't
be
surprised
when
one
day
you
can't
wake
me
up.
Apr 2015 · 299
Untitled
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
I don't want to live anymore.
And I'm only a teen.
Apr 2015 · 253
Untitled
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
You cannot possibly
IMAGINE
exactly
HOW MUCH
I
hate myself
Apr 2015 · 240
Truth..
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
>I wanna die sometimes.













>But I'm scared of dying?
Apr 2015 · 594
After All
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
I'm scared of all those voices,
Inside my head,
They scream to hell,
They could bring me to death,
I can't let them win,
But I'm just so tired,
So tired of this life,
So tired to fight,
I just want to let go,
Close my eyes,
Take a deep breath,
And sink into my unconsciousness,
After all,
Wasn't I born to die?
Apr 2015 · 238
No One Will Know
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
Sometimes,
I think about all that I have done
and gone through
that no one even knows about
and I get sad thinking that
no one will ever know
about all these things that
make me, me
but then I think
maybe its best that these things
die with me
maybe that's not such
a bad thing..
Apr 2015 · 1.9k
Twinkle Twinkle Little
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
twinkle twinkle little star,
let me get hit by a car,
how i really wish to die,
jump off the roof and try to fly,
twinkle twinkle little knife,
help me end my life.
Apr 2015 · 233
life.
FallenAngel93 Apr 2015
I tried to recover.


I tried to get better.


But somewhere along the line something went wrong.


I fell apart again.


I lost again.
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