Why are you so depressed?*
I don't know.
maybe because at 4 am.
I'm alone.
maybe because this world.
is so ******* cruel.
maybe its just because.
I'm so tired of living.

so sick,
so angry,
so mad,
and too top it off no one even knows that.

To know your heart stopped beating,
Just about four months ago,
my heart broke in two,
to know that,
there won't be another,
one like you.

When
                                              i say that i
                                             hate myself
                                             i don't want
                                              you to say
                                                   that i
                                   am beautiful and great
                                i know   that i am not   any of
                                that        i am me and    that
                                is the      problem i am   going
                                to be       the problem      until
                                 the       day that i die      which
                                 i do      hope is soon        and    
                                 if it        works, I''m so      sorry
                                 that          i couldn't stay     and
                                  that        i couldn't have    been
                                  any        happier­    believe    me
                                   I            tried so     hard to   be
                                                 strong       but i
                                                 fear            i can't
                                                 keep          this
                                              ­   lie up         any
                                                  more       ­   i am
                                                  so, so         sorry
                                                  but i            just
                                               ­    want          to die
                                                  please     ­      let me.

But you gotta get ride of these hoes for me.

But you gotta get ride of these hoes for me.

Am I alive or am I dead?
My greatest regrets repeating in my head.
Feeling so empty and cold,
Like a puddle of my own blood,
Forming the Silhouette of a mold.
Wondering if I'll ever be missed?
Trapped in my own darkness..
Lost to the lucidity of my mind.
The depression, a war in time.
Counting down the days left in my life line.
Lost in all these sill rhymes,
Trying to breathe, but no longer living,
Lost all hope.
Lost all meaning.
Confused with what is real.
Saying grace at my last meal.
Counting down the seconds till death.
Watching in hell as they put me to rest.

Everyone have scars that,
they don't want to talk about,
Mine?
they are just on my body,
as well as in my head...

As I lay here,
And think about all the times,
I ****** up,
Did you wrong,
Made you cry,
Made you feel worthless,
Failed,
Hurt,
Let down,
Yeah, Im worthless...

The truths now unfold,
The story is now told,
Crying eyes,
Hidden lies,
Just too many goodbyes,

Now it is forever, like before,
But now it's different,
I have closed the door,
Sorry is just a word,
And now all the memories will become blurred..

She saved me in her phone
As "bestie"
But I had her screaming "Ohh"
yo girl wasn't suppose to text me,
If you wanna know how I know what I know!!

Mirror, Mirror on the wall
was I always meant to fall?
roses white and dying light
silver's sweet forgiving bite
she'll ask "why"
no answers found
and i'll rot deep
beneath the ground.

Living with depression
is like watching people around you
breathing but instead.

Your blue lips inhale
words of self-hatred
and you know you should
be able to fill
you lungs
with fresh oxygen
like everyone else.

but you can't.

And the worst part is
people mistake your chest
frantically rising up and down
as breathing
when really you're
suffocating.

As I lie in my bed,
Your name's running through my head.
All I can think of is you
And all that you do.
The way you look at me.
I feel as if I'm in a dream.
The blue sky
Reminds me of your eyes
Which gives me butterflies.
You have brightened my life
With that beautiful smile.
No longer are my days a trial.
Your touch is like heaven,
Upon my young skin.
If only you knew
That what I say is true
I would do anything just to be with you.
Hand to hand, palm to palm
Just hold me in your arms,
I love you with all my heart
'Till the very day it falls apart.
I may be young,
But my heart is strong.
I know what love is
It's my name and hers.
You make all the problems float away
No matter how was my day.
I love our heart to heart chats
When our beats connect,
And when my head starts to fade back
From when the blue sky
Turns sacred black.

My heart is locked
with so much pain
black tear drops
fall from my face
every tear drop
leaves a puddle
with a memory
that's hiding from space
stocked away
behind my soul
shattered to pieces
with no where to go
locked away
to never get out
to see the good side
of my broken heart

It's so much easier
to act like none of this matters
and pretend to wear a smile
then to confess
my heart is nearly broken
and you have won

Whatever we are, I still remember what we were..

H:  Hold
O:  On
P:  Pain
E**:  Ends..

My promise to you it
that it would be a lot easier to **** me

Because i rather be dead
then to feel this pain

And that's just the beginning of how
i truly feel.

Will you still love me,
When its three in the morning,
And I'm crying so hard I can't breathe?

Will you still love me,
When I coat pillows in mascara and eyeliner?

Will  you still love me?
When I shut you out,
And won't explain to you why,
Because I don't want to bring you down?

Will you still love me,
When I can't handle being strong,
And I find relief in razors,
Instead of your arms?

But you knew when she was sad,
          
        The circles under her eyes got darker,
                    
                     The sound of her voice got softer,
    
                             The size of her waist got smaller,
    
                                     And her smile?
                                                
                                                       *Disappeared

did you eat today
sure I did, I ate plenty
of lonely with a side
of regret and a
sprinkling of pure
sadness and for
dinner I ate my
tears and I watched
my blood eat me
alive and suddenly
I wasn't so hungry
anymore..

I seem happy, right?
You see no cuts on my wrist,
Only the smile on my lips,
You hear me laugh, you see me smile,

But did you take time to look in my eyes?
Did you see the emptiness, the darkness?
Did you check my hips?
Darling, if only you opened your eyes, you could see,
I was dying inside..

To the point,
Where I really hate myself,
And don't even want to look in the mirror,
To the point where I don't give a **** anymore,
To the point where I know I'm worthless.
To the point you can't change my ways in looking at myself.
To the point where I want to tell you, I'll be dying soon.
To the point where I can't wait to get to my grave.

"I Love Her But I Don't Want To Talk About It"

Once there was a broken girl,
That fell for a sweet girl,
And she became her sun, her light, her everything,
And the flower on earth,
She loved her more then every grain of sand,
Her favorite books,
Lazy Sundays,
Baggy sweaters,
And even more then all the scars on her body,
But nothing last forever,
And she left her,
Like everyone else,
The girl then learned,
You must love yourself first,
Because your happiness,
Can not rely on other people,
Because as quickly as they come,
They go don't let them fool you,
There once was a broken girl,
That fell for a sweet girl,
And she took he sun, her light, her everything..

Someone once
asked what her
being triggered
was like, she closed
her eyes and thought
of planes crashing and
car accidents but instead said
the beach
falling asleep under direct sun
only to wind up drowning
when you open your eyes, gargling
salt water where once had
been air, forgetting how
to swim, knowing you could die
right there

Loosing you,
Has now became my worst fear,
Yet I still don't see why they hate me,
You're my world and its as simple,
As 1. 2. 3.
But yet I'm loosing you.

Do you see how you have helped me,
Once before I can remember running home after school,
Just to see my Blade,
And to see the fresh wounds,
And Red trails everywhere,
Yet today I'm clean,
And I smile,
For you,
I'm going through hell,
Yet I'm here because I can't see myself without you my dear.

People call me stupid,
And that I never learn,
But if that was  true,
I wouldn't feel so right,
Having you to call mine,
So,
Lets not put me down,
When I am Finally happy.

I can't lie,
I miss you much,
I miss you much,
I'm watching that goes by,
Till I get you back I'm gonna try,
I miss you much,
You were the apple in my eye,
I can't lie,
I wanna make up right na, na,
I wish we never broke up right na, na,

Last time I ate: Yesterday around 12:30
Last time I cut: Two days ago.
Last time I purged: Two days ago.