Silence is deafening
My thoughts can no longer hide in the seams
The shadows have voices that are beckoning
I am stuck in a world of in-betweens

Darkness befriends the elusive
While honesty is embraced by the light
I created a maze of reclusiveness
The windings my approachable-self wants to fight

This type of existence is confining
The needing a breakthrough, but afraid of breaking free
I permitted my solitary life to define me
Instead of letting all the peering eyes see

The ebb and flow of being receptive
By allowing What Will Be...To Be
It is free-thinking from a different perspective
A stark contrast to the lonely life of ME

I am wading through some murky waters
That I have yet to understand
With sludge so thick and deep enough
It keeps me from dry land

Still, I try to power through
While keeping you all informed
Though this barrage of wanting to know
Is leaving me quite scorned

All I hear is "you have run out of patience"
And "surely I understand"
Well No, I do not, I am always compliant
Especially to a brutish hand

Throughout the years I have kept in line
And played the dutiful role
But shaking hands with Father Time
Permitted my mind to **** my soul

At times the struggle is so intense
That I cannot catch my breath
I strain and gasp to choke it down
Knowing you expect nothing less

By pulling rank, you shut me down
And add weight to my fear and doubt
You fail to see that I am grown
A mother who has earned her clout

Assumptions can be cruel you see
We both have made our share
I hope my voice of honesty
Helps us to finally clear the air

You are an added link in a long chain
That is weathered but still intact
Now, I am asking out of respect of that bond,
Let us please breathe before we act

Am I Lost...?

Amid a complicated swirl of tangled
thoughts,
The mind cannot comprehend nor decipher
the mutterings from within

It takes stern candor from an outside voice
To break through the woven web of
confusion and angst

Offering, the faint flicker of hope, enough
oxygen to remain burning in the dark

Or Am I Found...?

Vile innocence times three
Tore me down to my knees
That left a gaping hole in my soul
Of varying degrees

Caught off guard
And confused
I experienced violence in bloom
While they reveled the brutality of victory

Time stood still, as they got their fill
Of tagging in and out of the game
Beaten and bare, my voice never found air
Knowing my life was forever changed

While my dignity was stripped
I prayed death would be quick
Leaving the unbearable pain and suffering behind

The gravity of which is unknown
To the abyss, I made sure it was thrown
Never to surface again and see the light of day

Regrettably, the dark secrets we keep
Do start to seep
And engulf every crack and crevice of a waning mind

So, my battle rages on
To find meaning in a life that's long gone
And make peace with the afflictions of Dark
Innocence..

What if I needed
For you to simply glance my way..?
Would it validate my existence?
Make the invisibility cloak start to
fray?

What if it was essential
To communicate your thoughts and
fears?
Would it make me less mechanical
And find a way to allow the tears?

What if it was vital
To not dash and dine behind closed
doors?
I wonder if that adjustment
Makes for serene and calming shores?

What if letting go of the toxic
Is an integral part of growth?
Does that lead to a sense of
secureness?
Not being afraid of the things
unknown?

What if touch was necessary?
A hug to make it all go away...
Would the craving for what was lost
Be an obscurity that was never in the
way?

What if ALL the "What If's"
Bring light to just one truth?
Would I welcome in the contentment
Had I been nurtured in feeling loved
by you..?