never fall in love with a boy who
speaks in lavender soliloquy and
smells like cigarettes and melancholy;
whose kisses leave you in nirvana and
whose flesh lays in some lovely façade;
for he is a poet, a philosopher, and a believer
whose mind will disappear into breathless purgatory
when you're not even looking
and by the time you'll find out
you'll already have lost him somewhere,
between wandering verbosity,
and ashen wordlessness

i told him “don’t look at me,
there’s nothing to look at.”
he went on about how beauty
can’t just be skipped over
& how i had his head spinning
like after a heavy night of drinking,
like he’s experiencing a hangover.

i told him “don’t touch me,
i know you’ll eventually leave me
& leave my body shaking from withdrawals…
shaking…
aching… to feel your touch again.”

i told him “don’t kiss me,
i don’t wanna get lost in your lips
& when our lips part, i’d probably have fallen in love .
i’ll probably stay awake in bed,
day dreaming of you… of us.”

i told him “don’t make love to me.
not even if i’m in the heat of the moment & i beg you to mount me
and enter my sweet sanctuary.
not even if i plead.”

i told him “don’t love me. leave me,
because you all leave eventually.
i don’t want your sweet nothings.
i don’t want your empty promises,
i don’t want your i-love-yous,
neither do i want to buy the dreams
you’ll so skillfully sell to me.
you’ll love me, i’ll love you back.
somehow i’ll end up loving more
& that’s a ****** fact.
somewhere between the first ‘i love you’ and the silence before it ends
will be me trying to make amends.”

i told him “don’t bother, just leave now.”
because that’s what they all do.
they love you,
& then
they leave you…

Today in English class we read Hamlet
By William Shakespeare
And Hamlet tells his lover
"I loved you once"
And it reminded me of you,
Except I still love you.

Or maybe I don't,
I'm not sure.
All I know is everything reminds me of you,
And you're still the last thing on my mind before I fall asleep at night.

I've written you so many poems and letters
That you'll never read
And even if you did, you wouldn't care.

I've been in a lot of fights with a lot of people
But none of them have ended better than "and even after everything I just want you in my arms right now"
And I remember staying up till 4AM with you that night,
Gasping for air and begging you to stay.
It was the first time you expressed any emotions for me- besides lust
But you still wouldn't say you loved me
And you still wouldn't say it after you left me
For my best friend and then came crawling back,
And you wouldn't say it after I told you how broken my heart was,
But I bet you said it to her when she was your homecoming date,
And I bet you scream it at the top of your lungs for her little sister now, don't you?

I've written this poem a million times but this one is the messiest, and my mind is messier.

I'd ask why you never said you love me but I know you didn't,
And I'm just glad I never told you I did.

I used to think
love was about feeling
constant excitement,
passion and trust.
Now I can see love
is what I feel is it,
not some fairy-tail
sold by movies.
Emotions aren't always
around all the time,
love isn't perfect nor
easy, it never was.

When you say ‘I miss you’
my heart, both swells and breaks.