Hollow

Jul 2014

Tiffanie Noel Doro

People continuously follow a religion of which has preconditioned regulations that disregard all science and also leave no allowance for the follower to use an open mind and discover the road that best suits them on their own. They preach to unknown past lives that claim to be the only ones who knew the answers and the way to maintain a successful journey is by their standards alone instead of teaching the follower to look into their own being.

You can't discover the truth by denying your right to knowledge. This I will never understand. This is why I choose spirituality over religion. I choose the buddhist philosophy to help light my way while I create my own steps through inner peace, science, the mind and knowledge gained.

I am finally waking up.

(C) Tiffanie Noel Doro

Hollow Jul 2014

Abigail's Collapse

August

One foot forward, I said
And she listened, gingerly taking her first step
I held onto her shoulders as she marched
Forward unto revival

You'll be back in no time
Were the last words I spoke to her
And upon her farewell
I wept tears of hope
And loss

- *September -

I remember hearing car doors close shut
On the days where I sat
Atop my window sill
And I would peak out
From behind my curtains
With wishful thinking

And I remember the sting of pain
When it was someone else
So I would let the curtains close
Like the end of so many
Epic plays
And the audience would not applaud

- October -

I made a little girl cry
On Halloween
I sat in wait
Forgetting the significance
Of costumes
And sugary give outs
Remembering only the taste
Of something much sweeter
But it had been months

The knock on the door
Was like the beating in my chest
And I sprang up in some
Newfound excited hopefulness
But I had let myself down
And the little girl at my door
Dressed like a dinosaur
Was no match for the beast
Inside of myself

GO HOME!
They all heard me
Parents and antsy children alike
Who walked by in search of joy
And the stares were unbearable
The little girl who cried
Never saw that my eyes matched hers
As she fled into the night

I sat with my back against the door
And cried until the waves of exhaustion
Took me away

- November -

Only the night would get me
Out of bed
Many times I found myself walking
Along some unfamiliar road
Winding through darkness
Like the twists and turns in my mind

Sometimes I ran
Like I was being chased
And the cool air of the night
Would fill my lungs
And when I was tired
I continued running

Emotions had been all but drained
And the feeling of loss
Was replaced with
Emptiness
Nothing
Void
0

But somewhere
Pressed underneath folds of carelessness
Was an inkling of hope
A spark of optimism
That kept me alive

- December -

I remember the funeral
Where along with my only love
Was buried my soul
My spirit
And my heart

I was asked to speak of her
And her family bade me luck

When all was silent
And the ears
Longing for closure
Were tuned to my presence
I opened my mouth
And said nothing

No one had noticed the blood
Dripping from my wrists
But they all saw
Abigail's collapse

My head swung forward
Smashing into the podium
I remember being sideways
As blurs rose to block out
What little visions remained

And then I asked one thing
In my stupor

Is she better now?

- January* -

The two who gave me life
Made me stay inside my room
Because I tried to take what was mine

I would sit atop my window sill
Knees pulled tightly to my chest
And I would stare outside
Watching for the red hair
Waiting for the car to pull up
And her to get out and stretch her legs

She would look up and see me
Her eyes would tear, and she would
Run inside to me

I would kiss her and never let her go
But instead, it's all the same
People come and go
Friends visit
Seasons change
And the world moves on without her
Without me

Rest in peace my love.

#love #suicide #addiction #depression #death #loss #longing #waiting #months #watching

Jul 2014

Deneka Raquel

Love is..

Love is..
Unpredictable.
Unsalvageable ..
Undeniably unbearable without you..
Fear of being rejected,
Doesn't allow me to have you.
It is like being,
Trapped in an eternal,
Thunderstorm of disdain.
Rusting,
Like drowning metal.
Bleeding liquid pain,
As I watch you,
Not see me
Not know me,
Never need me
And it kills me...

This depression,
Runs in my blood stream.
Blood curls,
And I scream.
Sometimes,
Tears are the best sedative
And sleep the best liquor.
Because I can,
Only have you in my dreams.

Its seems
Every dying minute I spend awake,
The reality is much harder to take.
Your absence is absence.

It makes me so cold that,
Breathing threatens to,
Shatter my lungs.
So I hold my breath...
Hoping,
Praying,
Wishing
That someday,
You would finally see me.
Or else I would suffer for eternity,
Willingly..
Hemorrhaging internally.

Life is lonely.
Love is merciless.
And I am a victim
Of this ruthless,
Torturous,
Chaotic emotion.

I havent written a poem in a while.

This person is always on my mind.

#love #life #heartache

Hollow Jul 2014

Lasting

Ephemeral light
Transience, transgressing flaws
Of eternity

#haiku #time #ephemeral #law #lasting #transience #transgress

Hollow Jul 2014

Cracks

Idle
The minutes tick by
Wasting away
And I watch, unfazed
As time decays before me

This is just me
Rooted in deep thought
Seeking whatever was lost
Reaching out
Searching in vain
And the futility
Drains my spirit

The shells
The former casings
Have all but been erased
Cast out
Of existence
Because I have
"Moved on"

Is this a game?
If it is
Then so many pieces
Have gone missing
Thrown away
Lost in the fissures
Of a broken soul

All the little holes
All the shadows
Love the taste of hope
So they eat it right up
Nothing left

When you fall behind
Time dies
Because time,
Once seen as an option
To make things better...
...becomes the monster you must
Defeat

Happiness becomes
A trivial pursuit
In the wake of immobility
Forward is forgotten

These reflections
On emptiness
Come from a warped heart
And a wounded mind
And a tongue that has tasted
Self imprisonment
But
More importantly
The hands that broke *free

#broken #depression #heart #hope #lost #reflections #soul #spirit #emptiness

Jul 2014

Nope

Empathy

Your heart bleeds red, but your teeth are sharp, and yet
Your sultry coated darkness, steals the beats from my heart
That hazy clothed intrepidness, finds me, constantly astounded
Your worth lies, undiscovered, it is so far beneath your eyes, but baby
I See You
And I know, that
Far beneath this dripping wet pile, of freshly ended possibility
On the coldest of concrete, shattered and shivering
Lies the broken key to your perfect heart

Empathy for the Hollow. Never be afraid to bear your heart. Those you would not accept it, do not possess one to reject. Inspiration comes from "Stages of Smithereens" by Hollow.