Heal me
  Restore me with your Love
   Transform me from a seagull
     into a Dove

for those nights when i shattered at my wrists  
looking up at apathetic skies
blinding sunshine moonshine
stars matching the layout of
the cones in my pupils


i remember the tears pooling at the corners of my eyes
as i looked down and up
clutching my wrist
digging my nails into deeper impressions and
grooves left by knives past
biting the inside of my cheek hard enough
and the days when i used my hair
to hide my eyes


and dodged around people
unable to bear
with putting on a face
strong face happy face getting-through-life faces
those days


i felt barely human
for those days


i remember impressions left on my feet and my hands
as i stared holes into them
through the blur of tears on my eyes
i felt the clench of my heart and my stomach
and i remember digging my nails into my guts
trying to hold myself together
and the struggle of remaining upright


trying to not crumple into a ball
into as tight a space i could manage
under tables beds metal frames
left dusty with spider webs and mis-
disuse over ages of forgetting
for reasons better known to those others


for those days
when i could barely look into someone's eyes
and acknowledge myself as a person
or a human or a thing or a creature
and i felt like a whisp on the
shadows and springs of death and blankness


those days
when all i felt was the grave the tombstone
of my body
as i carted it around
the world and the whole world
leaned in but i leaned out
i leaned out and
and my spine was not strong enough to carry this tombstone
but my shoulders were
so my shoulders hunched and my spine broke
and i carted it around anyway


those days when
everyone
came back in dreams and nightmares
of worlds falling apart
and people lying dead in ditches
people killing themselves in hidden roofs
where i had once resided
and i recalled a
a particular
peculiar impression
of orange smoky skies
with menacing black jets over my head and i thought
i thought
and i believed-
"This world has come to die"


and that wasn't even the scary part
the scary part was when i
i stood and opened my arms wide
laughed and said:
"i've been waiting"
i remember those nights
i remember those moments
and my stomach crumbles
my eyes cannot handle their weight anymore
my spine shatters
my shoulders overflow
my wrist shatters
and i


i look up at the blinding
sunshine moonshine
and i open my eyes wider
and laugh laugh laugh

Plop! goes the tiny coin
Sinking into the little well
Side to side it goes before
It reaches the bottom of it

Clasped my hands together
To make a little wish
A smile creeps up my face
As I think of him

Whispers escaped my lips
I wish...
           I wish...
                      I wish...

Gentle wants no more than greed
Holding your hand in need
Of your happiness, health, peace
For your deserving self to breathe

Finest of them all
Gentlest of all lambs
Burdens for you begone
Get the things you have longed for

I wish...
           I wish...
                      I wish...

To the wishing well
Even if it may be a myth
But I always believe
Someone up there will ensure your well-being




*Even when I do not exist

Space is curved.
The straight line
a Euclidian fiction.
The very fabric of space,
the skin pulled in upon itself,
Light follows this curvature.
Nor is time the heartbeat of angels,
as we once thought,
but our own shaky construct.

The galaxies that we imagine
to be real prove to be
archaic images,
things that once were.
When we look into the heavens,
we look back in time.

When the light of our star
has traveled in one vast
cosmic arc
and returned to its source,
we shall know ourselves.

In that dawning
light will fail,
the stars dim and flicker.
Time itself will falter
and the voices of angels
will be heard.

I cannot fly
I cannot soar
But across the concrete caves
I can roar
Through the oceans
I cannot glide
Trapped on land
I can cross the divide
As a tree I'll not grow
Impervious to time and its pain
But I can lay the roots
To keep me from the insane
Like the wind that whips
A formidable force
The sun and rain
Who follow their own course
I try to be
Like them free
But I cannot fly
I cannot soar
If only for myself though
I can be so much more

My happiness was so thick, I could almost taste it
(Or so I thought)

I am thinking about love and how it is basically just happiness and more words and feelings set on fire

You make my heart feel like it is jumping off of the golden gate bridge
And each time it happens,
A small part of me emits a small warning:
"You'd think it'd had learned its lesson by now…
Beware: you will also drown in this same feeling."

You make my heart feel like it is falling off of the tallest skyscraper in Manhattan
But now, it twinges a little just before
A small surge of doubt and caution and everything in between
Zips through me
And before I feel all of the adrenaline, all of the good that comes along with it,
There's this tiny little moment that is full of a dull and aching pain
But especially when you say things that feel like peeling skin back
And it bleeding
When you say things that sound a lot like a dusty record
That skips a lot
Things that feel and sound a lot like black holes and hospital waiting rooms
And so, I ask myself,
Again and again,
When did love become the same thing as pain?

By: Evynne Doue