Pls, don't emotionally abuse each other and call it love. Pls, don't be a parasite depending on the other for your happiness and growth, and call it sweet. It's good to be happy around them, however that does not mean you start being miserable without them. Even if they're gone for a second. Pls, don't tie a noose around someone's ankle, start pulling on it every time you are sad, and call it love. Your dependency is not love, your insecurities is not love. We all get down and we all need to know we are loved once in a while but as romantic it's to have a person remind you how beautiful you're daily, you need to believe it and feel it so you can tell them that they're beautiful too, that whenever they get little insecure or worried, you're not so caught up in your own bubble of troubles to notice it. Because accepting others to fix all your problem is not love. Because in the end, you are and you should be the driver of your life and they can guide you once in a while and sit next to you,  but please don't call all this needing love.

Love me through all these uncertainties,
Love me all the way,
Till I find everything I loved in you,
In myself.

I'll love you, when it's inconvenient,
I'll love you when it's you I most hate,
Till the love wins over the raging hatred,
And in your embrace, I stand.

Love me like the sun does not care whom it burns,
Love me through the envious glares,
You'll find me next to you shining, not shadowed by your brilliance.

I'll love you when clouds surround you,
I'll love you through the rain,
I'll be your unwavering faith when you need it,
I'll hold you when you get tired of the weights you shoulder, all this heaviness.

Love me in all the realities,
Both yours and mine.
Love me in our ever clashing worlds,
Till you find the similarities.
Love me when all I'm is flaws and skin, tightly held together.

Because
I have loved you beyond the scope of futilities,
I have loved you beyond the words,
I have loved you through the striking thunderstorms,
And I'll love you when it's quiet and dull.

You.
Cause with every sun rise you blossom like a flower,
And inspire everyone around you to do the same

You.
Cause your kisses taste like laughter and warmth that can even get a wanderer to stay.

You.
Cause like salt in sea
Your thoughts have dissolved into my skin

You.
Cause I don't want any other way to be.

You.
Cause I love yous don't cut it anymore.

You.
Cause somehow you made a way in,
Not unlike the sunlight that peeps in through the curtains,
And stains my sheets and colours my skin.

You.
Cause you managed to did it without me noticing.

You.
Cause somehow your favourite song often dances on my lips.

You.
Cause I may be all these fancy metaphors, but you provide meaning to these words.

You.
Cause you left all these love notes on my finger tips that I translate into words.

You.
Cause who needs the stars anyway when we can set each other on fire with a look.

You.
Cause it's as easy as inhaling the scent the first rain brings.

You.
Cause it's effortless like gravity.


You.
As simple as breathing.
It's you.

I think, and trust me by thinking, sometimes I just mean taking shots in the dark except my shot hits the aim more than my thinking ever leads me to the right spot but this time I have been thinking and I have come to the conclusion that maybe, maybe the reason behind sad posts in a relationship is we love them the way we want to be loved by them and not in ways that would make them feel loved.

But have you ever had a passing moment that renders you nostalgic for a place you have never been to? A smell or a tune that sounds familiar but you could not place a finger on where you experienced it, not even  if your life depended on it. Has a view ever flashed randomly before your eyes, deep into the night with a longing in your Heart. And you brush it off knowing you have never been to that place and so you blame it on the late hours and carry on?

I think this is what poetry is. A list of moments, of feelings, that can't be conveyed in words. Though we try. Of course. Because sometimes we need to write it down and read it to understand it ourselves. So we sit down with a pen in hand. We write but something remains missing. So we drop the idea but that feeling keeps nagging us at the back of our minds. Till it fades. Till we heave a sigh relief. Till it happens again and there we sit again. Against a type writer. No, poetry is not all about what I mentioned. But I do believe that poetry is what is written on the page and what remains missing. An echo imprinted on our brains. Something always gets lost in the process of translation of our feelings into words. Whether it be an exaggeration or not paying things enough attention.

Or, maybe that's just me and my lack of poetic skills.

But I have a list of feelings I never could write about. Though I have tried but something always felt off about it.

Like the first time as a kid I wondered how could something so vibrant be so close to death when I looked at the autumn leaves decorating the roads? Is that how we are? A bit dying every moment and we only notice that when we have become a shadow of who we were? Are we already gone by the time we are medically dead. I did not know. I was a child. Not that I have an answer now. But I'm now better at handling these moments of retrospect. If something itches at my heart, I make it a point not to scratch it. You see, I have long been accustomed to watching my mind ricochet between two ends. But oh, the naivety of a young mind. I did not understand it then. So I tried to write about it. I gave it a title "dead like the autumn leaves" never got much farther than that.


Some more moments.

Like the time I saw the sadness in my mother's eyes for what it was and realised there is nothing I can do to change it. For it was not the angry sadness, not volatile. It was the type of sadness that comes after you have cried yourself to sleep for many nights only to learn to accept it one morning. It was the kind of sadness we learn to live with. And that was the day I lost a bit of my innocence. A bit of my resolve. That was the first time I had walked in her shoes and was amazed by the amount of beating our heart can take. But it was not the first time my heart failed to explain what exactly it felt.

Now you would ask why is it that I write. Personally, most times, I don't know. I write because.. I just have to. It does not come to me at my command. It is just sometimes when I hold a pen, my hand moves on its own. Trying to find consolation in the non judgmental, patient care of the paper, in the tender caress of words.  

And so I think, poetry is always more than what's written on the page; more than what the poet has let out. Or, this could just be me. Have you ever had moments you tried to write about but all it gave was a pale description of how it was like to feel it?

When you're writing, show your brutal honesty in the ugliest ways by using the softest words.

Forever sounds
Awfully, torturing long
Till you're on your knees
Begging for just a little more.

Being friends sounds,
Awfully conveniently like a solution
Till you're lying in bed,
Longing for a gentle caress

Letting go sounds,
Awfully brave, heroic,
Till you see them learning to move on
Yourself becoming a vague memory.

Going silent
Continues to work in your favour
Till you have to open your mouth one day
Only to taste all the words rusted on your mouth.

Being a poet sounds
Romantic enough
Till you're in too deep at 3 am
Drowning in feelings you can't seem to word

I can turn my gaze away
Command my tongue to never take your name
Be your ***** secret
For as long as you want.

I can lay my eyes on the roads,
Waiting for the day you knock my door,
I can manage not to bait an eye
Every time you go off to her when we fight.

be your anything

But I'm only a girl,
There is only so far I can go,
I'm only a girl,
Who made a mistake of falling in love with you.

I'm only a girl,
So desperately in love,
But I still bleed,
From your unpredictable blows.

I'm only a girl,
Looking at you like you're the **** sun,
But it is still not enough.

I can play pretend,
Tell my friend it's okay,
The marks on my arms, are nothing
I just tripped, a time too many

Incidentally that is also where your hands held me.

I can take the guilt,
I can drown my voice,
I can be your machine,
Aligning my thoughts with what you wish me to be
I can rust my mind, cause what I think is never right,
I can turn deaf and dumb
Be a shiny object you show off to your friends
If that is all it will take

For you to stop inflicting pain,
For you to realise I'm just a human

Because I'm only a girl,
And I lash out and scream,
In hope to get through to you,
Or anyone.

Because I'm only a girl,
On this sinking ship called hope.
A silly girl who has not yet realised
No one else can fix you up

It is just when you have been sad for too long, you, at some point, make a home out of it. It is not intentional. It is that sometimes familiarity is as close as you get to calling something home. Like imagine it has been raining for months and You have learnt to sleep to the clatter of rains and to wake up to your window glasses being stained and one day you wake up and there is an icy sun In its full glory up in the sky. And you suddenly don't know how to react. But that is what you wanted once, right?  And now the brightness is just too cheery. Too much for you. And darkened clouds that followed you ever where and it seemed to you then that they were doing it out of pure spite,  were gone and You realise at that moment how much you miss them and how you wanted them to stay. And you try to write about it 'cause that is how you operate. Don't know what to make out of the mess? Just put it out on the page but lately you have realised that no matter what,  your pen won't move and when they do the words that come out are so blunt, so meaningless and devoid of emotions, you wonder if that is how your brain feels. Cause your writings were always a reflection of what you felt and could it be that without all those sadness to fill the empty spaces you're just hollow. Who said that numbness was a relief? for this numbness is driving you crazy and ******* you just need to feel.
When was the last time someone attempted to talk to you or vice versa? How did you start to feel so distant and how all of them have lost their distinct faces and blend into one another till you can't sense a difference. A various combination of expressions that showed concern but never understood. And it is funny how you were dying and they asked you which color of dress would look good on them and you said red. You hate red. And that is how it became too much. You grew exhausted. That is what small talks do to you. So you stopped. Then you stopped seeing point in any kind of talk. Cause they exhausted you. Pointless talk about things you don't care about. You stopped talking. Then you stopped caring. You still loved them but it did not matter. Very few thing did. That is when sadness found its root and spread its wings. You are not going to glorify it. It was bad. The crying into pillows for no reason , sitting still for minutes not doing anything, not thinking anything and then at the end of the night regretting it all over cause it was self inflected. Or so you felt. But then it got better. Less bothersome. It was always there draining your energy but at least you were not crying. You should have known then. It was a sign. That how it,  like a parasite, was draining your energy and once it was done it would leave you paralysed. And it did. And now you feel so lost and dumb. Is not it sad when you want to be sad just to feel something? You realise this. It almost makes you feel something. Almost.

See the sky turn crimson red,
The same hue
With which your soil is covered.

Tell me, how are you going to explain this to mother
That the boy she cradled in her arms as a child,
Has now gone cold.

No more sneaking on his side
To get a scoop of his favorite ice-cream at midnight
And the plans she had for his 8th birthday party
Will never see the light of reality.

See the colors seep Out of her world,
The same way blood drained out of the boy's body.
Tell me what could you possible say to justify
The killing of innocence
To justify the replacement of laughter and joys
With ****** and blood
The heart that soared over with pride,
Is now weighing down with guilt
If only she had listened to his excuse, he made to stay out of school
She would not be holding him for the last time,
Fighting the tears that are too numb to come.

See the sky clear up again,
From the tears of the innocents,
You'll hope, plead and pray then forget
Till it gets ****** yet again.

But the mothers' heart will remember,
And one day they'll pay,
The heaven they had foreseen
Will be worse than any hell

Stay, hold me
The way trees hold on to the leaves,
Shivering on a stormy night.

The way wind soaks away
The woes of the flowers
Right off their petals.

Stay, let me listen to your breathing
If you can’t seem to find a word,
That is just fine by me.

As your beating heart tells me,
All there is for my heart to know;
A grand gesture of just being there

Stay, just this one night,
In between your breaths,
Is where my safe haven lies

The almost rhythmic
rise and fall of your chest
Lures me into security

Stay, for
I’m longing with nothing there to long for,
Looking, for a place I have never been to.

Because
I have a restlessness in me,
That just can’t be contained.

But there is something in you,
That always
got me to stay.

So this time darling,
Won’t you stay
For me

Cause there is a warmth
Inside of me
That comes only from being loved by you

It is all about the thing that is the last whisper you hear  before you sleep.
It is all about the lingering feeling of a soft kiss on your lips before you snuggle the night away in his arm.
It is all about the random tide that hits you making you realise how much you're loved,
Like a silent sky people forget about sometimes but is always there when you look up.
It is all about the numbing chilly breeze on a wintery midnight, that makes you feel so much,
The roads and surroundings covered in orangish pink hues,  slowly humming to themselves, luring you in a trance.
It is all about the soft wintery moon smiling down at you,
Or the science exams that bring out your artistic streaks
It is about those moment of tranquillity where every piece falls into the places they belong.
It is all about the stains you get after laying in the grass early morning
Each dew drop looks like a twinkling sun of their own.
It is about getting to taste heaven in your favorite flavor,
And enjoy the sun  kiss your skin.
It is all about nani maa oiling your hair and your mother's eyes twinkling,  while she says you're such a spoiled  kid.
It  is about the hope that someone else  will get the door.
It is all about fluffy socks,  sweater with hand drawn patterns
It is all about flushed cheeks, freezing hands in your friend's pocket
Like the snow flakes that fall,
Unique in their own way,
Every season with itself brings
Its own flavor and shades,
And though summer is well known for  lighting a wildfire  in everyone's heart,
And adrenaline rush of first love,
Winter stands elegantly,  and let things run into a deeper course.

I decided to hold your hand,
Just when you decided to let go,
I realised why I needed you to stay,
When you already had one foot out of the door
.
And all my words feel a little more emptier,
Without your gaze lingering on them,
You knew my emotions so well,
Won't you come back for a minute and have them explained
.
I always could feel sadness more deeply,
Than I ever felt love,
What's the point of holding on to pride, and letting someone go,
When you are going to spend years looking at the Door
.
I was halfway in
When you were halfway gone
You always wanted a poem written about you like the ones I wrote for him,
Just when I picked up the pen, you turned away and walked.
.
Oh how useless are words,
When said,
A little too late.

Outside my windows,
the leaves fall, unashamedly,
gracefully,
like they're sure,
someone will catch them,
undoubtedly.

In the distance, I hear
A familiar tune, playing,
With words too blurred,
To make any sense of the song,
Nostalgia of the home I left behind
Comes creeping,
Slowly and then all at once.

On my table, sit papers,
All empty,
Pen held tight in my hands,
Benign,
Feelings at the tip of my fingers,
I can't find words for.

Bathed in silver
from the moonlight
that seeps through my window curtains,
I find my mind
drifting off to you,
again.

The view of starry sky,
numbs down my brain processes,
or, maybe it is the effect of my heavy eyelids
battling drowsiness

and it is funny how I still have no illusions,
that the sight of the same nightsky,
ever leads your thoughts processes to me.

And for me, all the trains of thoughts,
have a single destination
you know for me,
it is always you.

I don't know why
the moon is looking quite sad today,
maybe it has finally realised
that the place it has always known as its home
is not only his.


is anything truly ever ours?

even our lives are not just ours,
maybe that is the way of the things,
what we love today,
has been loved before,
and will be loved again.

and I still can't stop thinking
about the kiss I left on your eyelids.

and look the stars are winking and shining brighter in moon's misery
and I know I have lost coherence
when I imagine how they would look hanging in your braids

And here I can feel the quiet ache hum again,
I don't know how or when but I succumb to sleep,

and I swear I felt the moonlight kiss me,
and I swear I felt you smiling at me.

You hold my hand still,
But it is always loose
And you talk to me often,
But I know I'm not the only one.

And all those poems I sent you,
That you never bothered to read

She is just a friend,
Still her words you have kept framed.

And I don't know why I still stay.

'Cause  know I'm not the only one,
And this sadness has its hands gripping my throat,
The words you say, though, are still coherent,
But there is a void of emotions behind them

And I tell myself,
You can not recreate a moment of past
Why is that time reduces every thing beautiful to ruins

And maybe that is why I stay,
For in all this decay, I still have not forgotten
The Smell of spring.

And the words I write, no longer fits the man you have become,
So you can hold on to her words,
While I hold on the lyrics, of the music long stopped,

Hoping one day it will find its way back to me.


Till then, I shall let my friends Wonder
Why do I still stay

My words started here, my journey started here. And so here I'm again, laying my last words down, digging a place to rest my love. And here they will remain waiting, maybe hoping, forevermore

The laughter started here, the curious questions, the familiarity; the feeling of knowing you like the back of my hand. The storm came, the realisation that love, sadly, comes with its limits. The helplessness of the world standing against us, forevermore

I don't know how, but we caved in. Slowly at once, like a dam slowly cracks under the force of water, till it rips the **** thing off and there is nothing the dam could do but watch the destruction unfold. You hurt me, I wounded you. Our love took us on the top, and so obviously when we fell from grace, we kept falling, forevermore

But it stops here. I'm stopping here. And I know you will too. This has gone too far. Let us tend to ourselves. I have to find myself. I have to know that there is a me out there, that can function without you. Let me stand. I can't keep holding on to you, afraid that the moment I let go, you'll dissipate. I have to know that you'll accept me for who i become when I don't mold into your idea of how I should be, for evermore

So here I'm, burying the future I have always dreamt of with you. I have miles to go. And I hope, God, I hope one day when I come visit this place, you'll be here with me, doodling random patterns across my hand. And we will realise our conclusion was true, all of the universe had conspired to get me to you. But if not, I hope the memories bring a tear in your eyes, *nevermore

Tick tock
the day passes too fast
but you never get rid
of the miseries of your past.

Tick tock,
you can feel time weighing you down,
it is forever flowing,
yet somehow you remain glued to a moment
long after, the moment has passed.

Abysses of time,
the hands keep moving,
but you're trapped inside the clock,
in a constant agony.

Tick tock
you feel time slipping,
like a dew drop rolls off the leaf,
like having to wave goodbye to a friend,
you wanted to go with

Tick tock,
the minutes have started to blur into one another
till I can't distinguish between days,
till time has started to show up in the  same dull shade.

Abysses of time,
the hands keep moving,
you wait for them to hang you up,
and show some mercy.

Will I ever make out of this city
Where nothing ever changes,
The extremes of weather
And all the stagnant minds,
have even influenced the birds,
To sing in the same tune,
To chirp without joy.

Will I ever make out of this city
Of unknown faces
Or will I lose myself
Trying to go against the crowd

Will I ever make out of this city
To a place where I can finally soar my wings
A place to rest my dreams,
A place where I can Just be?
Will I ever make out of this city to a place
where air is not filled
With suffocated dreams?


Will I ever make out of this city
Of unknown faces
Or will I lose myself
Trying to go against the crowd

will I ever make out of this city
where I was born but clearly,
never belonged

If you can't let go easily,
maybe you should be the one to have your bags ready;
packed with a spare ticket on you.

If you can't stop looking at the door that was closed,
maybe you should not have built one
and lived all your life in a home
with no doors and windows.

If the same wound of yours,
bleeds and bleeds,
and the pain never stops
maybe you should not have showed up the points
where you're most vulnerable.

if your skin is paper thin, keeping nothing out,
but never confining your lights in,
maybe you should not have befriended storms
people exhaling fumes.

If you delve in the emotions too deep,
and get high on how low you feel,
maybe you should not have been a poet at all.

If you never wanted to be a contradiction,
of hopeful eyes, tired smiles and an empty heart,
maybe you should have never been born as a human.

And I tried really hard
to change my ways,
to be softer,
but with you there is no grey region
either I'm flying too high,
or I'm crashing down
an abyss

and all I ever wanted,
was for you to hold my hand,
and willingly walk through
this road called life.

And I tried really hard
to stop chasing my expectations,
and settle down with my reality,
but with you, there is no consistency,
one day your eyes tell me,
you'll follow me to wherever I go,
and next day I'm sitting alone,
thinking where did I go wrong

and all I wanted
was for you to make me feel loved once in a while,
even though I always know,
you already love me.

and I tried really hard
to keep up with your pace
but all my improvements,
you never really acknowledged.
you pull me up in your embrace
and push me away in the next
carve a frown, turn it upside down,
to you, it is all just a game.

And for once, let us play a game
of who loves whom more
and i'd let you win happily
if you only tried

but you don't really care much,
maybe, tomorrow, I'll try again
when you show up with another version of you.

We no longer know what to say,
we only touch,
when you feel right,
and it is convenient

I don't hold your attention anymore
how do I know I still hold your heart?

You no longer rush to welcome me home,
you never dress up for me anymore,
the twinkle in your eyes don't dance
at the sight of me the same way

the ink splattered on the paper,
no longer takes the shape of my name

And oh, I remember how it used to be
I was in your embrace so often,
you would let your love take me high,
any time you felt I was feeling low

and, oh, you could read me so well
you knew what I wanted
way before my brain had it acknowledged

Oh, what once was, and the used to be's,
will never be, not in the same way again,
look at yourself too,
could you honestly say you're still the same?

and you were so familiar to me,
i could see your emotions display on your face
the stolen glances, the silence
I could decipher them so well

you would say "sweetie, it's all in your head"
but the soft pecks on my cheeks,
mean nothing more than a formality

but I still love you the same,
tell me I'm still the one,
tell me for you, there could never be anyone else

**and I don't know if I can take a step,
without you over-looking into it,
I feel myself suffocating,
under the memories of all the glorious used to be's

but I still love you the same, baby girl
and I would show you, if you'd only let me.
tell me
that it is not too late for us yet, please.

What could have been,
What should have been,
Sometimes seem more appealing,
Than what is

The roads untravelled,
The dreams never sought,
The desires compromised,
Sometimes take their toll.

Who would I have been,
If what could have been,
Had been.

Would I still be writing this poem,
Wondering,
What would have happened,
If I had taken a different turn

Or, would I be just writing different lyrics,
And try to have them fit
On the same old music?

I guess,
There would always be A road untravelled,
Or a poem left abandoned, unfinished
Stories ending before they could begin,
The mystery behind the what could have beens.

So, this is a shout out,
To all the lives I'll never live,
And the people I'll never be,

But where I landed,
And who I'm,
It is up to me,
To make it worthwhile,

And I reckon,
It is still a feat
Worth celebrating

'Cause,
As appealing,
as the roads untravelled might be,
Nothing beats the experience
And the excitement,
That the roads we travelled have brought

Maybe the stars shine
just to get a moment of your undivided attention
Maybe the leaves fall,
just to land in your palm,
Maybe it rains,
just to wash away
all the hurt from your past
Maybe the gentle breeze
only wants to caress and heal
your scars.

Maybe, these are the universe's ways of letting you know,
that it could never be the same
without you

Maybe time only passes,
according to its conspiracy to get you to my door,
maybe you and I'll keep parting,
only to have our paths criss cross again
Maybe, maybe, one day I'll get you to stay
Or, maybe, my ingeniousness, would keep sweeping me away.

**Maybe, these words are my way of letting you know,
a part of me will always be looking,
for a part of you

Yesterday,
I showed you my scars,
But you were too blinded,
To see beyond who you are.

And, I know,
It is not your fault at all,
It takes a broken person,
To realise when another is breaking apart.

And everyone who knows you
Know you did not mean me any harm,
And everyone whom I know knows,
You were never broken enough to fix me up

This beauty does not need a compliment to let her know she is pretty
You need no throne to be a royalty.

This house is standing fine without love being its occupant
This heart can go on just as a pumping *****..

This tree is flirting fine with the wind with all its leaves and flowers gone
And you can dance just well on your own

These hands work fine without a pretty stone,
You can make your journey a destination,
Or go astray once and for all

Come on, I'll let you in a secret,
We all are making this up,
As we goooo

It is your voice, it is your choice,
You can stay quiet or you can cry,
You can go left, you can go right,
You can also sit down here with me
And watch the time pass by.

All I wanted
Was to be held in your arms
Til the morning light,
All soaked by your skin,
Woke me up.

All I wanted,
Was for you to say it one more time,
Just how much you love me,
When I'm the most
unlovable sight.

All I wanted was,
For you to untie my hair,
And play with the locks
Till my worries melted And dissipated
in your palm

All I wanted
Was for you to know
That beneath all this,
I'm still reaching out,
And for you to show, that you know.

All I wanted,
Was just a sign,
A gesture that maybe,
Not everything is yet lost..

But your lack of response
told me
it already was

I am not weak,
It takes a different kind of strong to allow yourself to feel a lot.
I am no finesse,
There is another kind of beauty in being unadulterated and raw.
I am not a poet,
I'm just a soul trying to reach out to yours.

Touch her
as the snow falls
and watch who first melts,
Her or the snow flakes,
That land in your palm

Kiss her
while the storm rages on
And see what gets undone first
Her or, the looming destruction

Lay next to her,
While the darkness sweeps over
And watch what lights your heart better
Her smile or, the million scattered stars.

I saw a couple of leaves
Around the corner of this building
Fluttering so much,
For a moment I thought
They were a couple of parrots
Perfect, luscious, shade of green
that
I have not recently
seen
On leaves
For they are always
Covered in dust
And grit
Or maybe cause
I have not had much time these days
From wailing in self misery
And drowning myself in various level of toxicity

I saw a couple of leaves
Around the corner of this building
Fluttering so gleefully,
On a thin branch,
It almost filled me with hope,
And when has the odds
Been in favor of any one of us
Though, I have to admit,
Some of us have it easier
Than most,
But that is no reason to give up.

I saw a couple of leaves,
Paving their way
Through the concrete,
Fluttering so much more
Than any leaves on a high tree
And that is when I realised,
Though i don't know the how and the why's
We will all make it,
Eventually.

A drop of rain,
In an endless ocean
Another face,
In a crowd of strangers,
A fallen leaf,
When autumn has taken its toll,

Tell me, Darling,
What am I to you?

A potential
gone to waste,
an old building,
its walls adorned with cracks,
A broken flute,
that plays no tune,

Tell me, Darling,
What am I to you?

A brutal sun,
on a hot noon,
or a dull wintery
fading moon,
what do I remind you of,
when I'm gone,
If I do at all,

Tell me, Darling,
what am I to you

'cause you see,
I tore down these walls,
and showed you in
Let you hold my soul
it, now, carries your imprint,

it is another type of strong,
to allow yourself to be vulnerable

and for you,
I'll always find courage to do more,
and all my softness,
you have touched them all

So, darling, won't you tell me now,
what am I to you?

A passing trend,
a familiar name,
or an acquaintance,
in your long list of friends,
your favorite shade of blue,
or, a fuel you need
to carry on,


Tell me, Darling,
what am I to you

I kept waiting
But all these rainstorms
Never gave way
To a single rainbow
And I could say
A thousand words
But the ones
That matter most
Are what I don't allow myself
To utter ..


I kept waiting,
At the crossroads
But no grand intervention
Told me
Which way to go
So I blindfolded myself,
And walked on,
By the time, I realised
You were on the other road,
I was too far in,
To ever be out.

I keep writing,
About all these unrequited loves,
But the one brown eyed love I loved,
Was the one thing,
I chose to walk away from,
And all these feelings I morph
Into literary arts,
Can never compensate,
For the loss I endured

But, life must carry on,
And so do I
With a burden tied to my heart
and a knife poking through my ribs.

We are different,
with different people.

With some, I talk in prose,
about sunsets and a world,
bigger than the one,
that I'm part of.

with some, I talk
about stilettos and matching shades,
always planning
a new escapade,
less thinking, more talk.

With some, I sit in silence
Speak only when I have something to say,
reveling in the prolonged silence

With some, I'm witty,
with some, I rap,
with some, I'm deep
With some, I act dense.

Which one of them is me?
Are these the masks that I wear?

Who am I?
and why around you,
I'm not any one of them?

A new day,
With itself brings,
Its own pain,
Its own medicine
Every day we have to lose a lot,
To gain bits,
We all are bound,
To our own limits.

Every entity is limited to its own boundaries.

The world is as large,
As the place we inhabitate
We only understand nature,
As much as we discover ourselves.

The sorrow is yours,
As much as it's mine,
Your heart has rights to its tears,
The same way mine cries.

The treasured moments,
Are tucked,
In the curve of my lips,
Just the way they, sometimes, creep to your cheeks,
And make you blush.

The nostalgia, the sweet pang behind them,
Can be read in your eyes,
Just as obviously as they show in mine.

The sorrow is yours,
As much as it's mine,
Your heart has rights to its tears,
The way mine cries.

Don't bother drawing lines,
We are bound to cross,
My heart is crazy,
Just as bad as yours.

The rumors that transcend,
Like wildfire in dry woods,
My contribution to these stories,
Are as much as yours.

Give words to these memories,
A tune to these words,
The old tune that you'll hum,
Will belong to me, as much as it belongs to you.

My verses,
And your prose,
Tell the same tale,
Of same loss.

This sorrow is yours,
As much as it's mine.

As I grow up, I realise,
That we are just men in transit,
People in passing,
Looking out of
varied dimension of windows.

All these memories are windows,
You and I too,
We peek in, stare and revel,
Sometimes we reach out, touch and stay
Till it is our time, to go again.

There are infinite windows,
And infinite possibilities,
If you ponder, you'll see,
Impossibility is just another possibility.

Then why Is it,
We linger about closed windows,
And spend ourselves
When there are other windows
Calling out our names.

Evolve, keep moving,
Or you'll become a stagnant pond,
Next time, a window closes,
Smile and let go,
And in this way,
You, too, shall pass.

We say we have given up and yet we hold on,
How did we get here and when?

Sleeping with one eye open
And keeping the porch light on,
Not even knowing what for

Cause no one is coming,
No one ever does for people like us
So why do we hold on to this self abuse?

Take limbs by limbs out, Till we are nothing but a mass of puddle laying on the floor. Why after lots and lots of trying we can't love ourselves? Why do we look at others for a nod of approval, or desiring validation? Why don't we believe that who we are can be worth being, too, no matter what the little voices in our heads say.

We go to bed crying, overwhelmed and wake up empty, drained and we beg others; we snap, weep and yell, just to feel anything, but there is nothing to be felt.

It is like screaming from underneath an ocean. You try and try and try but no voice reaches an ear, or, maybe the world has long gone deaf to others' wailing. This is not how you thought your life would be, but that is how it is, that is how you have made it.

And how you wish some nights someone would hold you and sing a lullaby that will suddenly make you wonder why, all of a sudden, is wind giving you caresses so soft. But you have to understand before that happens, you have to get up now, and sing yourself to sleep.

Because we will find what we reflect and you don't want to seem too clingy, you don't want to be the mat that everyone stomps on. Because, you are worth more. You are the sea, you are the hurricane and why should sea care for the castles made in sand? Everything external fades, and you know this all too well.

All your life you complain about the fleetingness of a moment but you are here to stay, how could you discard the thing that will stay with you throughout the life?

Radiate the love you always wanted to have. Try and try and make the trees envy of how you take care of yourself and gently let go of the parts that no longer aid.

Depression


It is different, for different people.  
For some, it is full of raging emotions,
Clashing against one another,
Till they are spent,
Too tired to battle against themselves,

A fused bulb,
The light in their eyes, forever gone.

For some, it's drifting away,
feeling so small in a world so cramped,
A little kid, lost among the towers too imposing,
Lying defeated, at the bottom of the sea.

And it's so peaceful in the dark,
The weight of the world no longer crushing,
No fear, no mask
They are now in too deep.

**Depression is not just drowning on the land,
Sometimes it's being okay even when you are buried underneath the ocean.

I have a poem growing in my chest tonight, rising to taste your lips and ***** your mind.

If you let go,
You may learn how to undo oneself
And together we can build ourselves back up,
Or just let the rain wash us away.

Unclench your jaw,
I have got words stuck in between my teeth,
If you can close your eyes,
I'll teach you how to breathe.

The earth is round, and the planets always moving,
So that the distant future can't swallow us, and we don't run stagnant.

Look at the vast stretches of mountain and oceans,
Feel your problems reduce their weight,
Look at the cells working at subatomic level,
You can change your world, even if all else fails.

Seek for the truth,
But alas, some things are better understood in hindsight
As to what the purpose of our life is?
I am not sure I know myself.

All my life,
I have run away from others' perception of what truth was,
Cause mine they won't accept.

Pardon me, my lord, for thinking there is no absolute truth. Religions are means to attain the bigger goal, and not the goal themselves.

Millions of people die
In a war amongst themselves,
Can't you see it all starts with a simple claim- I and only I know, what is the best.

******, and religions.. I see little difference. Except one never bothered to claim it was what the Gods wanted.

No need to take offence,
for simply it was not my intent,
Everyone has a right to follow,
The path they chose for themselves

But don't give me the talk,
How you are the only one that can be correct,
You may not like to admit but
We all are in a rollercoaster
With no details of where we might end.

So why you are unlike,
The God you talk about in high esteem,
After all even a human shows his enemies mercy
And not have them thrown in an eternal fire,
Because he prefers different flavors of icecream.

I had a poem stuck in my mouth,
I could not swallow,
It stung till I had to throw it out
And now it Is all over your pages.

Alas, words are merely words,
And you'll all continue to go down the path you had already chosen
But if my words stopped a few to ponder,
Well, that is Just great
And my work here is done

What If the sweet smell of spring,
Reminds you of the winter that will come too
What if the smiles showered on you
mirror the times you cried alone

What if one step ahead
Gets you two step back,
What if the starry nights
Trance you into a state of endless obliviousness

What if you came out clean,
Only to end up in a brutal relapse,
What if the future gets lost,
In a labyrinth of your past wishes

What if these words
Remain the only thing of mine to touch you,
What if forever was just a fleeting moment for us?

What if, what if, at the last moment of your life,
These whatifs are all you have got

The demons of darkness
Found her again,
How could they?
When she was wearing a pretty and happy face

Oh silly girl,
We never really left,
In moment of darkness,
Everyone's pretense crack.

She screamed for help
The demons laughed,
When has screaming into a void
Ever gotten anyone anywhere?

Why do you follow my each step?
Why do you lurk in the shadows
And stab me in the back

Because you're our favorite prey,
The Harder you fight,
The stronger we get.

We have seen your desires,
They are what you'll never have,
You were right in thinking,
You'll always be inadequate.

Like an eclipsed sun,
like the delayed monsoon,
No matter how much you try,
You can never repair the damage you caused.
So what is the point?
I might just end it all.
With that, she drew her blade close

in those dark, bottomless, demonic eyes
The hunger was evident.

Maybe, left in me,
Is yet another fight,
the girl gave them a wink,
and took her flight.

She smiled and the sun broke through,
The delayed rain washed away,
All the Bloodshed of yesterday.

The war never stops,
Neither should you,
The world will keep conspiring,
But why should that stop you?

I'm scared of the unknown,
But should that mean,
I should bow down to the unknown?

I love you,
Of that I'm sure,
A leap of faith, Or another crashing fall?

What if,
Someone out there,
Connects better to your soul?

A rosy cheeked girl,
Holds in her palm,
The joys of all your favorite festivities

Do you think,
My love is worth,
The life that you are giving?

Maybe, we can leave the world behind,
Not that it ever cared
much about you and I

But about the plethora of differences,
Of culture and races,
That separate us.

What if ours was the love,
That burns too bright,
And hence should end too soon?

I have always been,
Scared of the unknown,
Concreted path,
Is what I prefer to walk on.

After all,
The waves of sea,
Also subside to a rhythm.

You see, all my life,
I have been scared of the unknown.


A yes or a no?
Hate to keep you waiting,
But I really don't know

You are the **** itch people get in public and can do nothing about.
You are the left over canned food people throw away to rot
You are the leech that grows at the expanse of another soul
You are the embodiment of all the ill temptations I ever sought

You are the nauseating feeling that can taint the joy of best ride,
You are the single cloud in an otherwise perfect blue sky,
You are the the rose plant that only yields thorn
You are all blackness and cruel storms.

You are the door closed in a helpless face again and again
Like the rain after drought, you have always been inadequate
With every breath, your stupidity redeems itself,
Like a circle, your cruelty knows no end

And I have been a fool, bigger than you,
Worshipping a pebble off the road does not really make it a God.
Time and time again, for you I fall.
You can't keep bleeding forever and call it love.

But this, my friend, was the last straw
I'll let myself feel the pain, and let it all go,
I need space to spread my wings,
You need to strengthen your roots, and atone for your sins

In another time,
In another life,
Maybe our love will win
But for now, I'm a matchstick soaked in gasoline
And you are always too fiery.


Pardon, my biased hatred,
But you can truly hate, what you once loved.

But when has a sunset
been able to take away
What the sunrise
Had brought?

But When has months
of being imprisoned
Made the bird forget
How to fly

But when has a sunless horizon
Has been able to prevent
The rose
From blooming

But when has bright colors of leaves
Kept autumn from coming
And shake them off

But when has loving
ever guaranteed
The feeling of being
loved back

But when has the darkest
of night
Kept the sun from
Rising again?

Maybe this is the only heaven
We will get,
Maybe demons are something we fight everyday
To keep the hell away .

Maybe we die, and are reborn and live
Every moment,
Never let the world make you forget
How rare it is to even exist

this world is way beyond you and me,
oh silly, how silly, I had always been


Grieving in misery,
I forgot to see the reality,
A vessel in transition,
That is who we are
We take and we give,
Nothing is permanently ours.

A dot in the infinity,
a speck of dust in a galaxy,
an echo in the noisy surrounding,
a ripple in a grand sea.

Oh silly, how silly I had been,
The world is way beyond you and me.

He was like a maze
My love was like the sky,
He thought no one could find him,
I looked down at him and smiled.

He prayed every night,
As a *****, I studied him quietly,
The closest view of heaven I'll ever see
Is his face.

He was like an underground city,
I was the ferocious hurricane,
I felt his heart beat within me,
And turned into a quiet breeze
To listen.

He preached of love,
And talked about happy endings,
A foreign language he spoke,
I was mesmerized, nonetheless

He was like a dandelion dancing,
He bloomed cause he knew nothing else,
I was the roots to support his flight,
Wishing he realised I do it, only for his sake.

In another life,
He used to love me,
But he remembers not about those days,
Sometimes I feel I faded with his memories.

How can I be so needy,
Yet evasive
How can I be so stubborn
Yet submissive

How do I find the things untouchable,
So alluring
How do the things I have
Have dust settled upon themselves

How can I love so passionately
And overwhelm them with one quick gaze
How can I be so cold, and devoid of feelings
Like oblivion was carved out of my chest

How do I walk miles,
For people who won't take a step for me,
How do I make a shell out of people who want to help,
And leave when I see summer coming

How could we be so bruised
And yet pay no attention to others' bruising
How can we hurt others so bad in the process of hurting

While walking through the path of life,
Sometimes we bump into strangers,
In the lonely nights when we can't sleep,
Some stories are made
With no particular ending
And then we go apart
to seek our own density

Out of those stories,
Most corrode with time,
But few become a part of us.


You are one of such stories.


While treading formalities,
Sometimes our walls go down
And lots of secrets are spilled

Out of those secrets,
Some lead to the foundation of long lasting friendship
Others get buried, with the night.

I'm the buried secret of yours.

Maybe, my fate
Decides to compensate for its harshness
And today, this poem finds the stranger,
It targeted.

And he knows,


Sometimes in the middle of night,
Or the quietness of noon,
Mind often travels
To strange places our feet has not been.


Out of those places,
Some fade off like a long seen dream
While some keep playing behind our eyes,
And become a deep longing.


You are one such longing.

Why am I supposed to wake up,
When the dawn of light,
Does little to drive
The darkness far off?

Why, does the path I travel on,
Mockingly asks me
Where my destination is,
When mY feet won't carry on

Like the sand,
That escapes through the palm of a kid
Scattered everywhere
Lays my dreams.

Tried to write a new beginning,
But the tears of past
Washed away
Every hope that my words weaved.

The world is a step away, they claimed
Why did mine limit to the few lines of my fate
How I wish I could have made them understand
But the ink of grief often remains unread

How am I supposed to be at peace with these chains
When they Pierce my wings farther every second
Why am I supposed to pull a brave face
And believe all this hurt could only mean love.


Why am I supposed to wake up
And live through this life,
Like a puppet
And watch him pull the strings,
As He pleases.

People fall in and out of love,
they do it all the time,
sometimes simultaneously
like the setting of sun
gives way for moon to shine,
sometimes out of sync,
like thunder and lightening,
this was what happened to them.


She had fallen out of love,
but he loved her still, the same.