Stewie

Stewie May 2020

Flames

I hear a song and it takes me back
Back to a time when I was young
I didn’t realize it, but I was so free back then
I didn’t care about what people thought
The smoke in my lungs and the wind in my hair
Cruising down the interstate
I was young, wild and free!

Don’t waste any time.

#young #free #teenage

Stewie Feb 2020

It’s a personality trait

I want too much attention
All of the time
It’s a character flaw, I know
I want to be constantly touched
Words of love to spill off your tongue
I want to feel appreciated
Like you have waited for me your whole life
Why is that a burden?

Appreciation at its finest.

#appreciateme #loveme

Stewie Feb 2020

From the past

I remember the night he said he was done.
My feet felt like ice on the pavement.
I could see my breath in the night sky.
I knew it was coming.
He had been small talking me for days.
Funny how men act so tough until they have to tell someone they are moving on.
“I deleted all of your photos...” he said. “Everything is gone off of my phone”
How does one move on so fast?
At this point, I wasn’t even listening.
I had opened my heart.
The vulnerability was unleashed like a fire hydrant and I couldn’t find the willpower to stop it from completely destroying my self worth.
I don’t blame you.
I wasn’t ready to be loved.

The heart wants what it wants & sometimes not what it needs.

#heartbroken #vulnerable

Stewie Dec 2019

sometimes

Sometimes I think I’ll always be sad
I often wonder how people seem so happy
Sometimes I think I’ll always cry when I’m hurt
I often wonder how people hold back tears
Sometimes I think I’ll always be shy
I often wonder how people start conversations
Sometimes I think I’ll always be sensitive
I often wonder how people don’t get offended
Sometimes I think I’m hard to love
I often wonder how others just go with the flow

#introvert #shy #sad

Stewie Dec 2019

Til death do us part

Even on my deathbed,

I will remember how you didn’t want to share what we had with the world.

I was a ***** little secret.

You’ve moved on and so have I.

#love #lust #secret

Stewie Dec 2019

Hi. I’m Ashley.

I’m crazy.
I’m obsessive.
I’m anxious.
I’m depressed.
Those are words I would use to describe myself if someone asked me to.
No one cares or asks me what’s going on in my head.
It’s because I’m chaotic and normal people don’t know what to say.
If I’m being honest, my everyday life feels like a nightmare.
I think about death and it plagues my every move.
It’s like my head is a hot air balloon and there are ropes in my body, tied to my heart, keeping myself in place.
I feel way too much and I will never know how to stop that.
I can try as hard as I want to control the emotions that leak out of my heart like spilled milk but I can’t.
Because I’m tired of running from my fears and my problems. I’m tired of acting like I’m okay.
Why can’t I be loved just because of my mental illness?
Everyone always acts like it’s such a heavy burden to carry around but why can’t everyone just feel like me?
Because not everyone is that deep.

#mentalillness #anxiety #depression #ocd

Stewie Oct 2019

Ice

He put his arm around me at the hockey game.
As we sat, he played with my long hair that grazed his hand.
In that moment, I felt like I was all his and he wanted nothing more...
than
to
give
me
all
of
his
attention.

I want attention.

#attention #love #yearning #safe #protection