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 Oct 2020 The Gray Wolf
Dresden
Too much time has been spent focusing on the past
Without it this reality would not exist
But settling in the comfort of familiarity is not growth

This new reality is the next step
It's uncomfortable
But there's no more time
for experiments
test runs
or observation

Time to glance ahead
With feet planted in the present
Not because the future is bright
Like everyone chatters about
But because it's coming
And it's coming now

Hard lessons have yet to be learned
Deaths and heartbreak will be mourned
Catastrophies will turn back the clock
Undoing everyone's hard work

Only so much growth can sprout from the nutrients of one event
And survival results in a layer of strength just to be worn off by the next wave
I'm panicking a lot about the future. Usually I don't need to look ahead, but some things in my life are telling me I have to.
 Oct 2020 The Gray Wolf
Dresden
Fight for me.
Trust me.
Love me.

And I'll give you the world.
Another heartbreak.
 Oct 2020 The Gray Wolf
Dresden
It's just me here
Speaking to the void that appears as a blank page in front of me
Any words I speak to others that contains any meaning only reflects negativity
The glimmers of me I let shine through the holes of my shell are always quickly denied
It seems no one wants to even look at me

It's clear I don't fit anywhere in this world
If actions speak louder than words then the world has preached novels to me
Lecturing me to leave

It's just me here
A cast away holding onto the last thread
Consciousness desparately dangling
I wish something would grab me and tell me it's okay
I'd be content with being pulled towards either direction
I just need to be told I'm meant to be somewhere
That I'm wanted
 Oct 2020 The Gray Wolf
Dresden
An empty chest
A stomach of pain
Swirling thoughts
Around in my brain

Countless hours
No time to live
Everything I am
I have to give

There's no point
Unless there's love
An endless equation
No one can solve

Day by day
It's all the same
Misery and sarrow
With someone to blame

Are you living?
Finding happiness
Or are you surviving?
Combatting mental illness

No courage to get help
Independence is key
Aid is unaffordable
Never free

Kindness of the innocent
A beacon of light
Someone to follow
Out of the black night
 Oct 2020 The Gray Wolf
Dresden
I'm not stable enough for love
I'm not kind enough for love
I'm not worthy enough for love
I'm not ready for love
Lord please save me
I don't feel human
I don't have strength
I don't belong
I don't want to live
I'm nothing but depressed
A lost case
A piece of work
A damaged ex
Will I ever turn my life around?
And see the world differently?
Like it's meant to be
Like I have a destiny
Like anyone wants me
To be here
Pink eyes, and
     Teary cries.
He tries against
     Liting flies.  
Sticking lies.
     Goodbyes!
Tip of the cap to Wordsworth's "Daffodils."
Can you feel the seismic rift.
Shift your weight. Keep your balance.
Hold steady.
The ground is moving beneath.
We've been waiting, expecting this to happen.
It's Mesopotamian.
Hordes will be swallowed up.
Legions will burn,
We will be punished,
But there will come calm.
Our will be done.
Until the debris stops falling,
Look down, cover up.
Look up.
... still laughing,
I was told Goody's gonna die Sunday.
It's Nascar Weedkend,
Thanksgiving?

We weren't sure of him last week;
So we hoped, some prayed;
Me too.
It wouldn't have happened at all
If Mark didn't laugh so much,
eat so much,
talk so much,
chew so little,
swallow so little,
laugh much more,
drink and such,
choke so fast.
Leave so quickly.

That's Goody.
Still laughing.
RIP Mark Goodacre.
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