How am I still holding on?
Wasting my time
When I know you've gone
I still drift back to younger days
I wasted my time over you
I tried to understand, I failed
You stayed with me up until I realised,
you were gone.
You were never mine.
I saw you the other day
I was sat in a café people watching
I saw you, I watched you.
I ached for you, for me, for the past
For regrets, missed opportunities, failed declarations
Realisation that together we were friends, almost more.
In a crowd we were separate beings
Societal dictats stood in place, never to be questioned.
I watched you in the crowd from the café
Watched you looking my way
Steam from my latte bringing a haze to my eyes
Oh how many nights I cried for you.
Wanting you, needing you,
hurting inside for you, denying others "just in case"
You denied me then I deny you now.
Stay in the locked box deep in my soul
Memories in a woman's heart
can never be stolen or forgotten.
I left the café with an ache
Turned the corner, felt your stare
Then, saw my husband standing there.
To him I moved my wheelchair forward
To him I kissed my ache away
To him I will always stay
I turned for a final glance
Looked at you standing in the drizzle
You stared not at me, but the chair.
Realisation shone on your face
Confusion clouded those eyes
I am her, but not now.
Your height, your hair, your brown eyed stare
You're all that I remembered and more.
21 years have spun away, as did I that day.
© JLB
12/01/2015
13:26 GMT