My face drowned under fire.
That liquid burns faster and smoother with ice. I began kicking rocks, down after a shot. Why was i here? Had plenty of other waves. Lost some friends without the chance of saying goodbye. Happens usually overnight. I've turned off my phone, just to feel away from home. I've gotten greedy, so needy. Always guilty of being selfish. When did selfishness become normal again? Evrytime things got so hopeless, I've raged myself out of control. All I wanted was a place I can call home. I've met some decent **** in the dark. Not all the world is so bad when most around you knows what it's like to fall apart. If any of them needed me, I've always shown. Through thick and thin..... I believe i understood that the most. I've became what hurt the most. I've gone down that dark road. No music to guide me home. No lights to keep me open for a ghost. I've haunted myself yet again. Away from a home, not knowing where to go. No love in sight, no lips of delight. Not a hug or a goodnight. A empty cold hand, not even a blanket.
I've doubted I'd make it. Always sparkling nights, my confidence crumbles and falls. Running away towards fire, dizzy, struggling to speak, I wanna eat, about to sleep, but surounded by company. I don't want another drink.

I used to think blue eyes were pretty,
his were not.
his were not cornflower, sapphire, baby, indigo, azure,
or cloudy sky blue.
His were midnight where the light pollution from the city blocks the stars.
Iceberg, squall, hypothermia, eventual death

The answer will arrive
when you no longer
struggle or strive

at the oasis
you cast your words

the ones you gleaned
travelling the desert.

The first solution was to leave my name behind.
Venture forth nameless and light the way divine.
Walk forth through the shadow veils.
Let your soul set its light sail.  

Let the winds of truth take you past the expanse of shadow.
Let the lost ones see your lantern in the lost meadow.  
Become the balefire that lights their map home.
Put an end to their aimless roam.

Try to think of things
You might not have thought
Deserved consideration.

Maintain your poise.
Tune out the noise.
Tune into your own station.

Challenge what you think and feel.
Try your best to live up to your own ideals.

Do not
Become the rot
In your own foundation.

Affixed to the Lee–Enfield,
this blade, this trigger point,
stricken by ambush,
enters the melee
along the false edge,
cuts to the core,
like sympathizers of
William of Orange.

There are no daggers
apart from war,
just an ocean of
death and defeat,
its water,
its ever rising water,
swallows us whole.

i come clean
with chlorine in my hair
and a damp towel heart,
still wrung out
from pretending i’m fine.

she asks me
to hold my sadness
up to the light
like it’s a gemstone
i forgot i was wearing.

on a scale of one to ten—
(what if it’s an eight
but shaped like a childhood memory?)
i say “seven.”
i lie.
or maybe i don’t.

she asks me to measure it,
but how do you chart
a thunderstorm’s favorite room?
how do you scale
the hush of drowning?
still, i try.

she nods
like she understands.
and maybe she does.
or maybe she just knows
how to fold a pause
into something gentle.

she writes,
i wonder what part of me
she’s translating
into numbers,
into categories of deficits.

either way,
i press “leave meeting”
and stare at the screen
long after it goes black.
not sure if anything changed,
but at least
i showed up.