Al - Hello Poetry

Al May 2017

You've captured my heart and won't let go
Our love died so why do I still lust for you
When you've forgot every word we said though
I gave you my soul, I trusted you
You burnt me, but still I'm okay with that
I played with the flames that turned love to fire
Since when was I a pyromaniac
If I say I hate you, I'm lying
I was all yours, but you were not mine
Like flowers the love blossomed in the sun
Maybe I wasn't the guy or it wasn't the time
But no matter how hard I try I'm not done
My heart's fragile, it breaks like a wish bone
Just another case of Stockholm syndrome

May 2017

Pseudonym

Tired

I'm sick of pretending like everything's okay,
with the war going on inside my head.
I'm tired of trying,
to be normal.
While things are falling apart.
I'm tired of hoping,
you see behind my smiles and laughter.
And just once see my broken spirit and lost soul.
I'm tired of coping,
with something I can't.
When every thought and every breath is a war,
a war I'm not winning anymore.
I'm tired of existing,
can't I just disappear.
Take a break from the loneliness and pain.
I'm tired of breathing,
when actually I'm drowning.
While everyone else around me isn't.
I'm tired of living,
when I'm already dead on the inside.
Maybe life isn't for everyone.

It's not like I chose to be like this, I don't care if you see the cuts and scars on my wrists anymore...stop asking if I'm OK, do you like it when I lie to you?

Al May 2017

Depression is...

According to the Oxford English Dictionary,
Depression is: A mental condition characterized by feelings of severe despondency and dejection,

But for me,
Depression is the sleepless nights,
And the reason I don't get out of bed

Depression is the still unwashed plates
Left by the sink,
The missed calls and the
Voicemails that I never open

Depression is the chipped paintwork,
The shatter glass windows that
I have not got round to fixing

Depression is the skipped meals,
The self-portrait it carves on my wrist,
It controls me like a puppeteer

Depression is the voice telling me
That I am not good enough
Not smart enough,
Not funny enough

The voice telling me this world would be better without me
Telling me I am not wanted,
I am not loved

Depression is the reason I can't treat my friends and family
Like friends and family

Depression is standing on top of the world
And still wanting to jump

Depression is not wanting to die and
Yet still wanting to die

Depression is the hardest battle I've ever fought
And I think I'm losing

This was written with the intention of being spoken word
#depression

Al May 2017

Date with a Blade

I have a date with a blade,
But we're just staying in tonight
Where nobody can interrupt us;
Alone.
Where I am yours
And you are mine.

The lamp above us doesn't work
It simply hangs there useless;
Candlelight was always so much more intimate anyway.
Unlike our trust, the flame flickers.
I hold you tight.

We dont like leaving our room,
Too scared of the light, so we order in
I offer to pay for it.
I do.

And as the evening moves on
I tell you everything:
All my emotions,
All my loves,
Hates,
Fears.

I wear my heart on my sleeve;
Is that why I'm bleeding?

Everyone says that in love,
Actions speak louder than words
So you caress my skin and say nothing
Like only a lover can

Each touch so delicate,
You play my body like a violin.
I am a symphony of your movements.
Love scars.

We live in a time where mental illness is romanticised
And those with real problems feel ashamed,
So if you'll excuse me, I must go:
I have a date with a blade.

Al May 2017

Hiding

Today I laughed, smiled, but it was insincere.
I hide how my personality's split,
I hide with every scar that I slit
Then maybe one day I can disappear;
Life's a party, but I don't want to be here.
It's not fair it's not fair it's not fair it's...
Like every day im taking body hits;
Every breathe I take I'm holding back tears
An unwanted guest, my chest pressed to the bones.
In this dark place is where depression thrives.
When I'm dying's the only time I'm alive.
A test, I'm stressed but I feel all alone
But being alone's the way I survive
Because when my friends go out, I stay at home

— The End —