It controls her
She can't stop it
It's a constant battle
She can't drop it

It has become a habit
She can't quit
It's taking over her body
Bit by bit

The scars fade
But the memories don't
She wants them to leave
But they refuse.. They won't

It's an on going battle.
It's a fight she never wins
It's a constant struggle
It's a war that never ends

It's her sweet escape
It gets her lost in her own place
She gets to control the pain
As her adrenaline starts to race

She grabs it off the dresser
As a tear falls from her cheek
She presses even harder
Reminding herself not to shriek

No one understands
No one ever will
This habit now controls her
As the world around her stands still

But now the room is spinning
Her head is getting light
She falls back in her bed
Refusing to put up a fight

She takes one last breath as she turns out the lights
Then she closes her eyes as she calls it a night

I always thought we were the perfect match.
But matches are meant
                                   to ignite
                                         and burn out.

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

Do you ever
miss yourself
in the middle of the mess
a lifetime can become?

I wanted to be like your cigarettes
I wanted to be what calmed you down
I wanted to be what you couldn’t wait to press your lips against
I wanted to be the little thing you looked forward to during the day
I wanted to be the one thing you could not live without
And I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to become addictive
I just wanted you to need me the way you needed to light up every night

                              But then one day you quit smoking..