I’m empty and I like it
Every now and then
I search my soul
Only to find what I’ve known

I’m prone to feeling alone
It’s not something that I condone
Like a shadow in the dark
I disappear to where
No one can hear

I feel a certain kind of sad
One not for everyone
The mellow entrancement pulls me under
Thunder comes from above
I’m stuck in the slow drizzle of an oncoming storm
But unlike everyone else
I don’t want out

Some call it misery
I prefer to understand it as bliss
No one to bring you down
No one to keep you up
The emptiness inside
Only makes me feel more alive

-Cnk

I'm sorry...
That I couldn't be all you wanted me to be.
That I ruined this family, and continue to tear it apart.
That I am this mess, this huge human disaster.
That I am the daughter you never asked for..

And I know that no matter how many times I apologize,
It'll never be enough to replace all the pain I put you through.
I hope you understand, that I never meant for any of this to happen..
And that I never intended to hurt you.

I never asked to be depressed,
I never asked to get addicted,
I never asked to even be born into this world..

I understand I'm a human disaster,
I may even be a mistake to you.
But stop constantly rubbing it in my face,
I understand I ****** up..
I understand I am a **** up..
And I'm sorry, I'm sorry okay?!

You don't understand what I'm going through,
All these emotions that I've been feeling.
Like a failure, like a ******* mistake..
Like your life would be better off if I weren't a part of it.

And the more you keep throwing my own mistakes at me,
The more it replays over in my head,
The more I hear.. "You're a ******* failure, a ******* mistake."
But you don't care do you?

I understand you're hurting,
Because I'm your daughter..
And what I've put you through,
Is something a parent never wants or hopes for.

But please, for once..
Look at it from my perspective,
Feel what I've been feeling,
Ache like I've been aching..

I know there's nothing I can do,
To take back every terrible thing I did to you.
But please understand,
I'm terribly miserably sorry..

sitting cramped in like sardines on a double decker bus is beginning to feel normal and comfortable
vanilla and wild flowers lay on my tongue as I drift away
all my old lovers faces are beginning to blur together
all pieces of the puzzle that creates what I ultimately want in a human
one thing here
one spot there

my shirt is so sheer that you can see the pink of my skin
chapped lips and blood-shot eyes don't bring romance

the smell of pine wraps its gentle arms around me and cradles me to sleep
this is winter
good winter

Passionate lover, fluid strokes.
Deep inside, ****** moans.
***** thoughts, innocent tone.
Rough motion, head explodes.
Wet finish, all over her throat.
Beautiful kisses, on her toes.
Lustful whisper, do so float.
Heartful words, I do so devote~

.

I used to crave darkness.
I used to stay up,
hiding myself away in
the black night sky.

I used to walk
around empty streets,
toward nothing,
toward anything else.

Drunks stumbled around me,
straggling toward home,
toward a cozy bed.
I still walked.

I don't know what I was looking for.
Maybe nothing,
maybe anything.
Maybe the sunrise.

Open my eyes
To a world of lies
Where humans die
Family members cry
Asking god why

The planet spins
Not everybody wins
People living in sin
Is it your evil twin
Where have you been

I'm no heretic
I'm no accuser
I'm no deceiver
I'm no manipulator
I'm no problematic

I execute with honor
I prepare before I commence
I initiate with brilliance
I defend with assistance
I represent the lost shadows