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Erin Sep 3
suddenly I'm realizing
none of this is new
a year ago I felt this
while walking through
Brooklyn after The National concert
listening to Ada

My friends had gone before
the first notes of the encore
I stayed, comfortable enough to
be alone,
(alone with, without)

I remember it now... feeling this
while watching everyone head to the train,
while watching them laughing
in unison, minus an
other: me,
the separate entity.

I don’t remember if I took the train
Or grabbed an Uber at some point
unable to stand all of them,
the people with their people
and me stuck with this feeling
that I'd never find mine.
toxic people will make you feel like you can't connect with people, but you can
Erin Aug 14
let's pretend
i'm lazing in sunlight

imagine this blue glow
from my phone

isn't
eerily illuminating
my lifeless face
in a dark room
but

a glimpse into a sunlit greenhouse
during a cloudless, clement dawn
washing away
pallor, proclaiming peace, provisions,
a belief in this daily bread,
or something akin to the glory
I've strayed so far from
Erin Aug 10
You expected a girl,
your own notion of femininity.
You expected me to laugh, to talk,
but only in bubbles,
Wonka’s fizzy lifting drink.
You expected to float
on my wiles
I’d heft you up while you cruise.
Well, you get nothing.
You lose.
Good day, sir.
Erin Aug 9
I feel the need to fill it all up,
my days, that is,
gather plans and gorge
on seamless social interactions,
slurping up smiles and gulping
down the cool liquid of laughter,
picking my teeth with the bare bones of boring conversation.
I’m an introvert, but time alone isn’t helping anymore.
Alone, I spiral. I starve.

What is the purpose?
Someone distract me from these things in my head called thoughts.
Nourish me, I am dying and I’m wanting it, too.
Please,
laugh until my stomach is so stuffed that I heave out another joke.
Talk until I bite my tongue and bleed, eagerly chewing, cheeks
hurting.

What neon emptiness has driven me here
to the all-you-can-eat buffet?
While I feast on my friends under these fluorescents
my shadows only wait.
Erin Jul 23
it's the smoldering
slight crackle of a joint,
a cigarette

the sizzling spark
slithering to set off fireworks,
TNT

the blackening wick
burning up wax
or wood

fire set to photographs,
slow swirling smoke
rising above red flags
Erin Jul 21
he promised the moon,
he promised the stars,  
made the girl from Venus
love the guy from Mars

and he gave them to her,
all of these things--
a bright white dress,
a sparkling ring

but each moon has a dark side,
each star does die out,
forms a depthless blackhole
of crippling doubt
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