remember your first bicycle?
i was so happy, so eager to learn,
i remember going through so much pain
falling on my face, picked up by my dad
as i cried and he kissed my feet saying
'there, it's all good now'
but then the bicycle ended up being my life
for a few short years
but then it is too small, and i was too big
i have grown, and it hadn't.
so i said goodbye and put it on the corner of the garage.
bought a brand new one.
i realize now, it's kind of like you and me.
you have grown, back then, and i hadn't.
you've made other friends, and i hadn't.
that's why when i'm not what you wanted,
not what you needed anymore, you left,
little by little.
you replaced me, just like the yellow bicycle
that leans onto the wall, unused and forgotten.
"What do you do with the anger?"
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I mean, what do you do with the anger?"
I never thought about it that way. The anger that builds up fuel inside of us, the everlasting flame, what do we do with it? What do we do with the inextinguishable flame? This flame that burns inside of us from the day we are born until the day we pass, this flame that burns all in its path - what do we do with it?
"I don't know," I respond. "I never realized just how much it effects my life."
"Find something to do with it. Find somewhere to channel it. Find something to control it - or let go of it. Let the fire burn out. Anger is not a fire that keeps you warm, it is a fire that consumes you. It will consume you if you let it. Be free of it," he said. "Let it go and never look back."
The ultraviolet that shined on me,
Revealing invisible pages.
Pages that hid my thoughts,
Pages that hid myself.
The light in my own incompetence,
Shining a path to realizing myself.
The light that sparked inspiration,
The light that sparked love.
Forgotten as swiftly in love were we,
Another glance in the crowd.
I felt unwanted,
I felt hopeless.
We weren't meant to be.
I took a step forward,
You took a step forward
But your light disappeared.
I like reading alone,
I like drinking tea by myself,
and eating without anyone else.
I like listening to music alone,
I like painting by myself,
and walking without anyone else.
But when I see
A mother and her child,
Two best friends
Or a pair of lovers
I realize that
I like being
i know what hanging on looks like
avoiding red flags so large they could blur your vision blind
i wonder if people were as uncomfortable as i am right now knowing you're holding onto something fictional
and she's burning a damn hole through my skull with the glare she's shooting at me sharing innocent eye contact with him; I'm the last girl she actually should be worrying about- but i've been there, territorial when you start to catch on that the ground beneath you is falling right under your feet
i'm so sorry
i wouldn't wish that feeling upon my worst enemy;
realizing what gave you joy was never even real
entire trips around the sun
making sense of the cents of a quarter
of years of growth and fighting fear
here's to another year
of complex thoughts and simple pleasures
finding more of myself and experiential treasures
to new all new things people and places
and never forgetting friendly faces
May I continue to realize and act on the fact
that only I'm in the way of my impact
Don't ever settle and always strive
to make things better and be alive
This life is mine to do, to create, to find the most of
because why the fuck not?
you gave meaning to the songs on the radio.
making your favorite song be my jam.
you made those simple city lights glitter
though i haven't seen you all my life,
we wasted time wishing
we wasted time talking
yet you gave me lessons i couldn't forget
and you became a mistake i wouldn't regret.
you somehow made me the person who i am today
you somehow became the reason to wake up everyday
to wake up and hope for a better day,
gave me reason to smile even you're the one who got away.
from a far there are moments we almost have met
but yet you just destined, it's just not that moment yet.
we kept and wished for every day...
you said you almost loved me...
but you went away
thank you for walking away when i finally wanted you
thank you for leaving when i needed you.
thank you for letting me realize and have him do your job.
he does it the best by the way. Now, it is him that i love.
you got cash and maybe a stash
you told me you were broke
do you enjoy looking into my eyes
telling me lies while gripping my thigh
do you ever wonder what I feel
internally broke .