i'm always the one who hopes while others get to have
life only gives me lessons while others get everything
why can't i have everything?
im always the one who speaks 'it' into existence
while others exist with 'it' without hesitation
why are things limited when it comes to me?
why are my dreams too big for reality?
why can't i have it all?
why is it that when i complain, instead i should stay strong?
why is it that others speak freely and get comforted while i need to stay shut and be quiet?
why is it that my pain has to be bite size while other's pain can cover miles?
why do i have to be the strong one? why do i have to persevere?
why does it always have to be me who has to work hard,
not cry,
persevere,
not cry.
why is it always my blood,
my sweat,
my tears,
but, oh god,
don't cry.

How much of me can I be without it being too much?
How much of me do I have to be to be enough?
I’ve got problems with managing myself, I've got issues with accommodating myself.
Not one of you can answer those question, not one of you can fix that problem.

All my friends got friends
Every single one of them
I’m afraid I’ll become a hinderance
As opening up might show my lack of strength
All my friends got friends
While all I have is them

So, how do I cope?
How do I reject jealousy when it wants to comfort me?
When it assures me that alliance benefits me?
When it asks me not to resist?
When it’s presence is so enticing, I can feel it’s breath down my neck, intriguing me more than scaring me
How do I cope?
When they get to experience life outside of our ensemble
Get to see corners my sight won’t reach
Because those experiences are unique to their memories
Memories I wasn’t invited or welcomed into
Memories that didn’t make sense for me to inherit
How do I cope?
When anger sneaks into my morning coffee
The heat burning my tongue and leaving me with a lingering bitterness
Stealing my voice and replacing it with its own to yell that only I can provide happiness
For so long, I’ve tried looking for different things from different people
Distributing parts of my trust to different pieces of the puzzles
So that their whole could make me but their individuality couldn’t break me
But what happens if I stopped at two?
What happens if only two pieces to the puzzle held that much power between them?
And why is it that bringing the two pieces of puzzle together left me so lonely?

you are your life's quest. the purpose of your life is to figure yourself out. you can spend ages thinking you know yourself but life will put you through situations to let you know you don't. discovering yourself is your mission.