I should have known that everyone was right,
But I wanted so desperately to believe,
That maybe you could actually care,
Its only myself I had to deceive.

I was blinded with hope and happiness,
My dreams were starting to come true,
But I wasnt worth any sacrifice,
Guess I didn't mean that much to you.

My heart feels lost, but still intact,
While hurting you don't feel,
This emptiness inside of me,
Just doesnt seem to be real.

I shouldve known from the beginning,
You would end up making me cry,
I just wish you would have told me:
That our last kiss was our final kiss goodbye.

Droplets of rain falling on an abandoned umbrella
Mud puddles loved by little children
I look out the window, to our garden, missing that red gumamela
Now withered, like my days, forgotten

I remember the summer holidays.
The heat intense without air conditioning.
Our days passed by on that old swing set,
weather beaten to a faded green.
We’d build houses out of boxes
our mother would never let us take home.
My sister called your home “the fun house”.
I would say “plastic fantastic”.
We’d build vintage dirt bikes in the garage,
eat apple pies for dessert,
and fall asleep beneath the peach tree.

I remember the escape,
when home was too violent.
You once told me you stopped drinking
so you could always be there when we needed you.
And you were.
To distract.
To listen.
To protect.

I remember the way you cradled me that night
as blood flowed from my wounds,
and the way you sat beside me in the hospital for hours
and never complained.
To distract.
To listen.
To understand.

I remember your chair
and the sadness I felt when we were not there.
My mind riddled with images of you in that house,
lonely and alone.
I knew your heart ached. I felt it.
I knew your smile a façade. I saw it.
Overworked for a life that never came to be.
Groundhogs day for 13 years.

I remember that shipping container in the driveway,
accumulating your possessions
one
    by
      one.
I remember the brisk autumn morning
driving you to the train station
with your makeshift bag from rope, tape and plastic.
The weight of the grief that fell from my eyes
too heavy to hold.
I remember how you walked away,
and never looked back.

Here, I stand in the wooden doorway
of the house now empty.
The memories pounding against the walls.
Your chair remains in the corner.
It still smells of you.
Words of love fall from my lips
and I close the door,
to what was,
and what is
no longer.

let's go home then, both of us,
in a stride we found in asylums,
shaking, burning for above.
let the windows crack and doors snap shut,
never to be opened by hand again,
on the earth where passions sleep.
one day we will return there,
a world that we have never been,
our feet ache to ache after walking.

Never she walked down the lane
to her house across the street, or
smelt the roses on the pavement
that bloomed for love to happen,
or never did she tear a petal for
a guess of an answer, that was
never questioned. She cried,
for regrets, or a feeling of love,
that might never she have felt.

Its the time, that thought of Autumn,
the rusty leaves all over the pavement,
sometimes the rains, that wet them,
And the green park, that turned husky,
Hearts raced, eyes gazed, the pattering
sound of the rain that fell on the leaves,
that muffled the sound of our raging
and crying souls, The eye lids met
shutting the view. Only our exhales
was what we heard. Lips met.
All the pain, forsaken, for a minute.

She never took a ride back home again.
Even our shadows didn't stay apart.
A never ending journey, resumes.
Our palms doesn't ungrip anymore.
Our hearts pounds sync righteously.
Nothing makes me happier than her.

Might not be the same in near time.
Might we sleep in cold without us,
wiping each other's tears, and kissing
its okay. Might not I walk the same road
and ride the train, from the same station,
ever again, Might not she ever perfume
my bed with her aroma. Might not, we
share the long stares and kiss with a smile,
Might all the memories morph to poetry
with my cold heart and bleeding ink,
that will disappear with my demise.
Yet, a memory to be felt living again, that,
She never took a ride back home again.

Pellucid tears drop from the heaven,
glistening tenderly like a diamond ribbon.
A glow of memories split into the air
and me, the pluviophile, amble halcyon.

My rhapsodic heart sparkles at the memories
of the petals I had lost in time,
when tears from the sky soaked me wet
and dewdrops crowned me alive.

The fondling memories come back to me
soaring with the serene wind.
I sink in the depth of the ocean I lived,
once, abinito, long ago someday....

Her touch, so soft, had carved my expressions
and her languid lullaby had found me peace.
Her eyes, filled with affection was the light in me
and her tender kisses kindled in me a heart.

She had sculpted me, given me life and found my soul.
She had endowed me with the shades of life.
Her ineffable beauty, the bloom of nature,
colored the petals I wore right now.

Those were long before in time,
when sun shined bright and night sky alive,
when rainbows bloomed forth the rain
and I was a tender flower to behold.

In the rainy day, I stand today,
as my petals began to wilt.
I crave, I long, for the days I lost,
somewhere in my life, in the winds as it blew.

I crave for her touch, "just once again"- I cry,
the soft feeling she left me behind.
I desire for her ineffable affection
that bloomed me to the flower I am.

Soft drops of tears glide from heaven
wetting my soul, my heart, me whole
I feel the drops to be her touch
as it flows down my wrinkled face.

Those were days, I long for again
the beautiful days that was gifted to me.
Until this eternity ends, till that
Those would remain the sweetest of days...

delightful colorful
constellating memory warm
starshine in winter

                         /#dmperez