I saw a quote today that said,
“One day you lose something, and you'll say:
‘Oh my God. I was happy.
And I didn’t even know it.’”

But then came the voice inside my head,
"That day you lost someone, and you thought:
'Oh my God. I was unhappy.
And I didn't even know it."

I was given one life
Planned for me to waste
Where I am not told to draw
But the right way should be traced
But I don’t believe in rules
Or being told what to do
So I’m ignoring all this *******
And starting something new
I was not born to learn
What has already been found
I am here to discover
What is left to do with sound
So next time you say it isn’t that bad
And I should learn to deal
Think of how you feel
And if it’s all that real

This kind of love
Heartbeat is racing
My chest is aching
I would be happy
Not ask for a thing
If something this deep
Was returned to me

Finding a the dawn in the dead of night
Can’t let the goal get out of sight
I’m hoping to find that in the end I’m right
And we’re right for each other

I crave freedom in my very core
I sing randomly
I write randomly
I cry at night to not be attached to anything
I’m sick of putting my ducks in rows
I’ve never seen ducks in perfect rows

My life is a series of dashes dreams
Sewing up patches
To have them ripped at the seams

While there is still sadness twinkling in your eyes
And your throat has hardly enough room for air
You suddenly become aware
This is your second chance

You wanted to know
The music I love
The love I've found
Since you left

I lied to you
My secrets I’m keeping
They’re much better
Far better than the ones you couldn’t

I wonder what it would be like if the tables were turned
You could have all the knowledge that I’ve learned
But hurt in a way that wasn’t earned
Swap you’re heart for one that yearns

I wonder if you hurt like the ones who are alone
The ones they would disown
A reality you can’t postpone
All the more real when you are grown

I wonder if you spent a day ignored
Feeling like who you are just makes them bored
Everyday leaving you floored
Alone in the world

Would you stand up for yourself
Or hide behind a smile
What is easier?
Facing your fears or letting the pain compile

Or you could just give up
Not give yourself another day
But that’s no solution
There has to be a better way

Some might pray
Some might run away
But you can choose to love yourself anyway

Pretty pastels
Make my heart melt
But you’re a deeper shade
A love that won’t fade

So much of me
Is still entwined in you
Every memory
Stuck to my heart like glue

I’m hoping I don't go under
And trying to let it go
But I can’t help but wonder
If a better love I’ll ever know

When you told me you loved me
And asked if I did too
It wasn't that I didn't
Or that it was too soon
Just the compilation of my fears
And the vastness of my love
Made me wonder if it was real
And if I was enough
Because I was torn apart
And I love with everything
So if you hadn't really meant it
I couldn't bear the sting

There's nothing more impossible
Than the trick of this ****
When you do what you can
But they choose to ignore it
You're labeled as an other
Because their conscience can't sit
And they tear you down
Whatever way they see fit
And you don't know why they do it
And you're not a half wit
You just trust and think the best
But the pieces don't fit
So you try to ignore them
And beg yourself not to quit
But you end up tired
And with nothing to show for it

I am told that I am free
That I can be whatever I want to be
As long as it fits within the confines
Of our society

I believe that I’m a slave
And if I misbehave
They’ll curse me until I break
And forget the freedom that I crave

The hardest part is forgiving you
But i won't let myself turn bitter
I'm not a vengeful heart
That you lies can litter
You took a piece of me
Then twist and broke it
Took my remaining sanctity
Wrapped your hands to choke it
And now I find myself
Rubbing streams of hatred
Sick that I once loved someone
That made me so jaded
But your win isn't the end
And this pain will fade
And the scars you gave
Will turn to strength I've made
So when you smile for me
And the torment inflicted
Know I've forgiven you
For what's been indicted
So next time you turn to vengefulness
Remember my name
Think of the girl
Who beat your game

Today I am struggling
Stuck in my old feelings
And a longing I resent
I miss my old life
As unhappy as I was
Comfortable and safe
No unknowns
Other than the unknowns I chose
Every inch of your body
I knew it all
Every thought in your mind
I thought I could know them all
I feel ties to you
Ones I can’t explain
What forced me to hold on
Despite my pain
Do you not feel them?
Or does your substance love
Let you get by
Probably
You’ll leave the hard work for me
To break the ties

I’ve been drowning in the ocean of your eyes
It’s turning into the only thing I know
And it may be the thing that breaks me
But I can’t forget it’s the thing that waked me

Treading water when I long to fly
The way you smile when I want to cry
This just might be the roses thorn
I’m torn

Empty we stand here
With our palms facing upward
Begging for a hand

Armored eyes pass by us
Blood pumping through fragile veins
We’re all too afraid

Our hearts contradict
Our own inability
To find what we seek

I trust that you feel it in this moment
But I don't trust you'll always feel that way
That's how I was hurt before
Counting on every word he'd say

How foolish of me
To think that love was more important
Than happiness

She said that’s not the point
But I know it doesn’t matter
The point to her is not the point to them
It’s the way our thoughts can scatter
We can’t focus on the core
Get caught up in the minutia
We’ve forgotten how to love
And I’m not talking about medusa
I mean love in stepping back
And seeing the world as more than us
But a working system of plants and animals
Built on more than trust
Because we recognize our luck
In knowing and feeling more
But it’s our deepest curse
Because our egos keep us poor
Poor in love and selflessness
Weak in strength and will
But we ignore that we’re insensitive
Because we won’t die before we’d ****

It’s hard
Cause I’ve been there and I’ve felt it
But it’s okay
Because I’ll be there again and I’ll feel it again
Just in a different way

I’ll go for a walk
And take a long shower
Sing for awhile
And draw for an hour
Make a list of my worries
And put it to flames
Sleep for forever
Not sure for what I aim
Just trying to find some peace
In the crazy world we live in
And help myself ignore
All that might have been

My words don’t seem to be all I hoped they’d be
When I put them together they sound wrong
But we are just the sum of our parts
And words are less than equal
To the meaning of our hearts

It’s confusing
The unknown before me
The world I’ve yet to see
On my own
All alone
Filled with uncertainty
Yet free