When I was young,

The grass was greener
The sky was bluer
The clouds were whiter

But now that I'm older,

The bills are greener
The bruises are bluer
And the faces are *whiter

I have words stuck in my head
Words I know that want to be read
But I can't make sense of what I think
You're ten years old and then you blink
I'm seventeen years old today
But forward is the only way
There's no turning back clocks
There's no key to all our locks
I can't seem to word my thoughts
I'll leave them in my mind to rot
Pick up the scraps and bury them in pen
Please don't blink too, you're only ten

*4/11/13

I've got a mess of a mind as of late
Thoughts so loud, that I can't concentrate
They're behind my eyes and beneath my skin
So many now, both are wearing thin
But you don't know, for I don't show
The thoughts racing around below
Of all the noise they always make
I'll keep quiet for sanity's sake
You don't see, that in the course of a day
The loudest thoughts are those I never say

i can write a book on
how much i hate still loving her,
every chapter
dedicated to paradoxical disdain
or paint a picture
of the void she left
using
the obscene colors of my pain

i can sing forever
about the time we lost
to the tune
of the games we played
or i could just get over her
but i cant
forgive
forget
or explain

Never despise any old book.
Never say they are outdated.
It is your restricted outlook.
They are like parents aged.

Never judge it by its covering.
Changes immense it can bring.
Treasures may be hidden inside.
You may find a friend or a guide.

Remove dust, open the pages.
Gems lying inside since ages.
Read once, twice or several times.
Learn something new every-time.

Never despise any old book.
Never say they are outdated.
It is your restricted outlook.
They are like parents aged.

"I like you an awful lot, kid"

He knows that when he asks me if I'm okay
tears well up in my eyes.
He knows I smile brightest when he speaks to me.
He sees
he knows
"I'm trying to figure you out"---
I didn't know he was trying.
I didn't know he cared,
but he cares about all of his students
and I'm lucky enough to be one of them.
He says that he's always there
that I can talk to him,
but sir, what would I say?

A song comes on the radio
and it's quite catchy and fun
and I'd like to hear the lyrics
so I can find it later-
but I can't hear
because nobody else cares.

They chatter-scream-and laugh excessively loud
because they've all heard this song before,
know it by heart
finish to start,

and that's how it is.
They all listen to the same music
watch the same shows and movies
know all the jokes
all the comedians
and stories
they already know.
I try to catch up
and watch what they watch
step where they step
and sing their songs
but there's too much catching up to do
and not enough time
they're too far ahead of me.

So I give up.
Lengthening the gap
between me and the rest of my peers
only isolating myself further
incapacitating my ability to connect.

I'll watch my quiet foreign movies and syfy shows
and learn my own jokes
and continue to listen
to my odd quiet music.
They know their world,
and I know mine.
and no matter how hard I try
to visit theirs,
I'll never be able to stay.