Four years later and all I'm left with is a broken smile, lonely eyes, and shattered dreams.
Yeah it's been a while since I've felt your touch.
Since I've gazed into your warm eyes.
But it's my reality, and all I can do is try to make the best of it.
Yeah, sometimes they touch my heart.
But in reality they don't want it.
And I'm left comparing every one of them to you.
Does that make me a bad person?
Four years later and I'm still mesmerized by our fantastical paradise.
Deep down I know I'm undeserving of a love that burns as deep as ours once did.
But that doesn't stop me from searching.
Maybe one day I'll be worth it.
Until then I'll try not to over self medicate to try to feel something more than pain and regret.
But that's my life.
Four years later, and I'm broken and alone.
Just searching for someone or somewhere to call home.

Lost in my mind, I'm still running out of time.
Lost in life, and I'm aching to feel the blade of the knife.
Let the warm rush momentarily dissolve my fears.
But that never works, or stops the running tears.
Where do I go from here?
It's not like I have a home.
No one is near.
Maybe I should just pack up and go.
When the aching starts you find yourself wanting to numb the pain.
I'm not picky on how, it's not like I have anything to gain.
"Keep your head up" they'll say. And you do everything you can to believe them.
But when you're so alone they don't realize how much you need them.
Constantly feeling a sense of abandonment.
Maybe things would work out better if I weren't so ******* adamant.

Maybe sometimes it feels like everyone's against you.
But you keep trying to mend your shattered pieces to keep walking down these roads without dropping anything too valuable.
So you keep asking yourself if this life is really worth it.
It is.
But you keep wondering because you feel so alone.
Maybe it's because you can't seem to get the shards back in the right places so you end up bleeding out.
Save yourself.
Be the light.
Stop letting the darkness swallow you whole.
And you think to yourself, if this life has taught me anything, it's that no matter how alone you are, no matter how far gone you think you are, there will always be light.
Find the good in the bad.
Make your own history.
And maybe in the meantime you'll find yourself along the way.
But believe me when I say, everything will end up okay.

Maybe i was never cut out for this life.
I keep finding myself wanting to feel the blade of the knife.
I guess for me it was just all about love.
But now i know i never was and never will be enough.
Yeah i know i just want everyone to be happy.
But i can't help but feel that it will never happen unless they do it without me.
Spent all this time trying to be a better me.
Only to find that i'm losing my sanity.
Now i'm left wondering if there's any hope?
Or should i make a noose and let myself hang from the rope.
Letting all my dreams wither away.
The ones who touched my heart, i'll hope to see them again someday.
So as i try my best to win the war with my mind,
I'll just wish that i'm not running out of time.

A sweet face of an angel
She is friends with the devil
At war with the monsters
She is hard to handle
Warm and gentle heart
She has nerves of metal
Slowly freaking out
She is a twisted and mental
Destructing idols of fear
She is unable to settle
On darkness she feeds
She is a born rebel

To my Friend
who has helped me battle my demons
more then i can count
now your left with yours
and i cant try to help
Zack
why is it you feel the way i do?
is it the feeling of not belonging?
or is it that everyone is so cold to you?
is it that no one understands how your feeling?
Zack
i don't want you to be like me
crying alone every night with the blade in your hand
feeling frighten every time it gets warm
Zack
i know the feelings you feel so very well
please don't be scared
to reach out to me for help
you've  saved me when i thought no one else gave a rats ***
i miss our hours of Skype calls
our silly talks
so Zack my dear please
don't give up hope

I know that there have been times,
down the bruised and misread years,
when I have been hard and cold.
Perhaps even seeming to be cruel
But, please remember who I am
And where it is I've come from.
Born to gossip and scandal
and raised in the family war zone,
trust and tenderness, at times,
seem illusory to me.
Unknowable.
Like smoke in my hands.
But I still try.

                                  By Phil Roberts

His eyes sang the symphony of love
With purest passionate words of life
She was lost in his moving music
That drowned her dreadful silence
They were an anthemic rhythm
Together forever in echos of time

We were laughing and smiling and joking around
I saw something snap
like a twig in your mind
I thought you were kidding
when you called me a *****
so I jokingly told you
to go **** yourself
before i could move
your fist collided with my temple
my face hit the dresser
before i hit the floor
I screamed what the **** is wrong with you
and you landed another punch
this time to my lip making
crimson flow from two places
my eyebrow and my lip
a bruise formed around my eye as i started to cry
i should of left then
before you started begged for forgiveness