for you
a thousand times over

We rushed into it a little too quick
We felt things we weren't supposed so
or at least I did

But it all happened so quick
I don't even know what to make of it
What were we?

One of us felt a little more than the other
and it was cursed from then on

They say vulnerability is power
They say that vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, and joy
So tell me please
Why do I feel so empty after I shower my affection to him?

I shove over my pride and call him to tell him I miss him
but he just looks at his phone and presses ignore

I tell him to call me when he gets home from a drunken night
And I wait and wait for that call until 4am
But he just goes straight to sleep, not even giving second thought about whether or not he should even text me

It's his birthday and I want to know how it's going so far
So I call him
And he just lets the phone ring

Do not let people tell you that vulnerability is power unless that person feels the same way you do about them
Because being vulnerable with the wrong person will destroy you mentally and emotionally

10 missed calls from me to him is what it took for me to realize that this whole thing was doomed from the start

I think
I get so scared of people leaving me
so I **** everything up before something even becomes of it
I get defensive
or
I get vulnerable
and I scare them off

I think
I wasn't built out for a relationship
because I am confident and I do love myself
but
somehow I can't keep any potential great relationship going

I think
no one can love me the way I want them to
or
the way I would love them
because they don't understand me
they don't absorb how my mind and spirits play, sometimes together
they don't realize how far my thoughts can go

I think
at the end of the day
we all just want someone to be obbessed with us as we are with them

Sometimes he's not the one you are looking for,
but he is right there in front of you
It's not that he's incomparable but you have no one to compare him to
It's not that he makes you feel you're the only one on Earth but he's nice and once in a while, he gives you a compliment you think about all day and night
It's not that he's funny enough to do stand up comedy, yet he still makes you laugh with his corny jokes and stupidity
He's not the best looking guy out there but he makes you wonder whether looks even matter
It's not that he is your soulmate, but he's there when you need him

Slowly but surely, all these factors add up
and you start to fall for him

You find yourself falling in love with average