after 10 months, I saw you today
I swear when I heard your name, my heart fell into my stomach
and then when I saw you, my stomach was in knots, like how you feel when you're falling in love
you are so beautiful and charming
when I saw you the second time today, you were smiling at me
and I swear to god my knees were weak
I felt like I was falling in love with you all over again

and then reality came crashing down in a split second
I got really sad all of a sudden because I knew
I knew I knew you aren't mine and you'll never be
you are wearing the shirt that your girlfriend got you
you are happy now

we ended off badly but in that moment, everything was perfect
maybe I got too excited over nothing
and that smile didn't mean anything
but the choice of choosing to smile and ignoring me, you chose to smile at me
and even if it meant nothing, thank you
I've missed you and I always will
apart of me will always be waiting for you

all those months of trying to get over you..
I thought I was completely over you
but then
you just came out of nowhere
and suddenly I feel like I'm at square one
again

I should have never let you ******* hold me
When you held me the way you did, I didn't know I wanted it to be held so badly

I should have never let you kiss me
because now that you're not here anymore
I always crave you
whether its 4 in the morning when I can't sleep
or 3pm when I'm with my friends

I should have never listened to you
when you told me about how you are so thankful for me
and that I'm a blessing in your life
because  ever since you left me
I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong
why wasn't I not enough for you?

when I'm at the peak of my happiest moment, I still think about you
******* I still think about you
and wish you were still apart of my life
every single day

It took me to while to realize that
This too
Is poetry
How I feel is poetry
How I move is poetry
How I breathe is poetry

Everything is poetry

i hate you for what you done to me
i don't want to be fully in it with anybody anymore
it's not that i don't trust them
but i'm so tired
i'm so tired of everything
the dishonesty, the false promises, the disappearance

my head spins when i think about you
my heart hurts when i think about how i'll never be with you again
i lose my breath when i miss you
and i can't                                                 breathe
right                      now

but you don't deserve my patience
you don't deserve my care
you don't deserve my loyalty
you don't deserve me

this is not a poem
but my heart hurts so much
and I'm not sure what to do