October

October Dec 2018

A space so unfitting
A space tired, not so uplifting
“Rehab”
”Rehab”
”Rehabilitate my space”, you pled
And I did
I did just that once you, out of town, fled
Back in town, it was going to be a monumental surprise
One that you and I could share and sleep in that night
That night and all the nights to follow
When you witnessed your new space you could barely swallow
Chocking back tears, I had succeeded in my mission
Now this space, you share with your new person
Does she like the color blue?
What about the gold accents I detailed just for you?
It’s your space, and hers now
I hope the dark shadows of your new space haunt you, watch over you like an owl
In witness of you two interlaced
With someone who has now taken my place
To lavender I retreat
That shade of navy and I never to re-meet

#breakup #oldmemories #oldspaces #newpartners #love #retreat #heartbreak #exboyfriend

October Dec 2018

Name Change

I had a different name
It was "Undiscovered"
Now this name, no longer my cover
There's a darker truth as to why it's updated to "October"
Tears of joy, tears of sadness
They all share this amber month of blackness
A deep history of sight
The pain and origin of why I write

Her name was Erin
She was beautiful
She was young
Erin, was special
and Rhett's, without doubt, the devil
The disease rendered her without brain function
Resulted in physical mutation
Erin, had an expiration
The day came
In the same month born
She would, from this life, be torn

I love you Erin

#defining #loss #death #sister #name #origin #change #pain #october #month

October Dec 2018

It's not a fairy-tale

It's not a fairy-tale
It's just love, you and me
Learning to give
Learning to be
Don't get me wrong, your love
It's true
And deep
And Strong
But it's not a fairy-tale
It never will be
Not like it was with him and me
But a smolder still creates heat
It's not a fairy-tale
But it's not defeat

#loveafterloss #movingon #fairytale #relationships #love #breakup #gettingoverhim #nottheone #rebound

October Nov 2018

purgatory

Healing is a like a purgatory
where I spend my time bouncing back and forth
between feelings of "over it"
and "I'll never be the same"
Trying, grasping at feelings of sane.
In this temporary hold of time,
where I don't have control over self and mind,
I pray
I pray for myself
for happiness and health
I pray and I pray for the day not spent lying awake,
awake in thought of me and you,
awake in thought of a time in place where smiles rang true
a time in place before I had any sort of clue
of just how south we were heading
off the road into a dead end
a place where the ground all of the sudden let in
no support below, we were falling
the fall was hard, to the point it knocked me out
when I awoke I had come to find
that we had landed in separate places of distance and time
so purgatory I sit
until feelings of sadness and anger no longer fit

October Nov 2018

Self critique

The same sad rhetoric
Running lines of deepened wounds
Repetitious stanzas in bitter tune
Get a clue, my girl
Dig deeper to words more provoking
These same sad lines have you choking
Let’s take a break
I hope to strand together a sense of letters worth more than just the meaning of heartache

I feel stuck in my writing. I’m not growing or expanding my subject matter. My words are stale. Same sad story. Come on, next girl.

October Aug 2018

In another life

We will both move on to be
better, stonger,
different people.
We will find the one,
the right one.
I like to think that maybe,
maybe in another life we were meant to be.
In another life we find each other,
again, as we always do.
In this other life exists a love;
A love that is intended to be carried out;
A love intended to be seen to the end.
Just unfortunately, not in this life.
In this life it’s goodbye.
In this life it’s never again.
In this life our love,
our deep, deep love
has come to an end.

Some love never dies. It just temporarily ends. Until we are reborn where this love picks up again. I will find you. In the next life.

#love #lettinggo #anotherlife #breakups