Irregardless, years ago
I had double pneumonia,
But, like, you know,
It is what it is, and like
I dunno, kinda like
It takes what it takes
Know what I mean?
It’s prolly a mute point
But I turned three sixty.
You know? I mean
I’m kinda like, I dunno.

It is what it is, like
I mean, whatever.
It’s all good, isn’t it?
You get what you need
And it ain’t no thing.
I mean, go big or go home.
Try to stay in the zone,
You know. I dunno.
No biggie, though.
Keep a cool tool
And don’t be a big fool.
Know what I mean?

It’s like I was saying
Don’t give up praying
Because God does not
Create garbage, you know.
He didn’t bring you
This far to dump you.
I dunno. I’m in for
The whole game.
It’s all the same.
You know, way to go.
Give it a chance.
Get up and dance.

Know what I’m saying?
I ain’t playing with you.
It like, you know,
I’m so sure, dontcha know?
Way to go. I don’t know.
It’s like, I’m so sure.
Whatevs, whatevs!
It’s so dope, sick, cool.
There must be
Some kinda rule.
I dunno, it’s like, you know,
It’s the way to go.
Give is your best shot.
It’s the bomb, the ****,
It’s totally hot.
Maybe I am hot too,
But you know, I dunno.

I am so tired of being the open book.
You used to tell me that I could tell you anything
and now I've told you anything + more
through typed words and glances back as I leave,
and sometimes it seems like I have no mystery left.
I am so tired of writing every ******* thing down.

Sometimes I still get nervous when you put your hand on my knee,
and I think that's important.
I hope sometimes you still get butterflies

i mean seriously,
if anyone honestly thinks I
give a rat's *** about anything
they are dead wrong
like whatever...
like I care what anyone
says or does
i don't have a caring bone in my body
someday soon i will care so little
i won't even have to write about it.

You know what I think is sad
I used to miss the way you would curse
I missed every lie you said,
even though your lying was the worst

The tapes in your bag said it all;
the discs you spun said 'whatevs'
or 'I'm deep and loving'
I betcha you thought people heard The Smiths
and didn't think you were bluffing.

Your poetry was garbage, too --
I don't blame you for scrapping your work.
You lied about cutting your legs,
the pain under your pale skin,
you exhausted every quirk,
and wished for more within.

I betcha you're sitting somewhere
twenty-something and super-bored.
Probably still choking on your cigarettes
against your matress board,
criticizing people thinking differently
I hope one day you read a book
and ask who would publish me

You're probably the words
stuck in some other's throat;
resenting you and the
****** Mountain Goats.
I never liked to criticize
the way you looked,
but your teeth are the
second most crooked
thing about you

its four-thirty-a-m and i've thought up some thoughts,
with the inspiring aid of too many shots.
and on what should my facebooking-eye soon alight,
but the dismal reminder that tonight is tonight?

oh, it seems it's your birthday, even while you snore,
and rigidly, it's your birthday, even though i'm poor,
and it remains your birthday (though i wish it wer'n't),
as there's no worse day for a birthday than current.

your birthday falls on a least halcyon of days,
a day like all days and undeserving of praise.
the only thing that july ever did well
was birthing my darling (from the depths of hell).

[and making me a versified cheater/
by ******* around with my lyrical meter]

alack, alas, i'm poor as ****
so i'll hand you these stanzas and that is it,
borne of the gods and holy writ,
my gift to you: my sparkling wit.

[essentially, i just promised an empty box/
but whatevs. you can **** all my figurative---]

Miss thang learnin how to ****** breathe again
...ya feels ma vibes
I'm hitting up wit dat yoga ****
I don't gotta ***** but I realized that ***** don't bring da sunshine....
That clothes don't bring it
Nor do events n **** like whatevs to life right now
Like I'm infinit...I'm not who I think I am
I'm not who I was yesterday...
Oooh I'm not this one show monkey
I'm poly
I'm a poly
As are you
I'm not this rocker chic who loves miley
...but I am on this journey in digging deep into my soul and allowing the beams to radiate...
Putting down any expectation i have in this whole life thang n breathing...
I'm finally going to live in vitality...
And that's pretty exciting to know of a day where I'm not searching my past 24/7
That I can just breathe, sit back and enjoy my life....
Hint my...
What a dream
To not have a care in the world
But to have all of my cares in the world
And to put those before me...

a righteous contradiction
I'll hold your interest long
enough to captivate your soul.

My name is....
I'm 15 years old going on 16
I don't exactly live for anything
...I mean I live for people
But I'm not proud of it...
It's like I feel a burst of excitement when I'm excepted...
And it's terrible
...insecurity is ******* terrible
....it's like being stabbed with 50 knives
It's like wanting everything and getting nothing
...terrible analysis but whatevs
...but I crave myself
I crave my love
..and I'm not getting it
What's wrong with me where is the love
My nails are black
My weaves in tight
I'm skinny as ****
I've starved myself
I've read confident articles
My idol is miley ******* cyrus
I've had faith
...now what
Where the hell am I
Who the hell am I ...
I have no idea
And why the hell do I fear myself
Ppl
And this whole entire world
I hide.....
In my little comfort bubble
With my mouth to bite my nails
Pretending to be occupied
Away from awkwardness
**** this
**** me...
What and who am I
Cuz I'm not living for me
...I'm living and dying a terrible terrible deed....

8.
I was so busy doing nothing today
Waiting for life to be over
Waiting for time to pass
Waiting for lunchtime
Waiting for 2.30pm
I went to my sisters baptism
She spoke to the congregation
About her conviction
I cried
A lot
I'm glad she's going to heaven
But worried I'm not.

Day 9.
Back to work
Had nothing to do
So I offloaded to the other side of the world
Big mistake
Everything went to ****
I broke down
crying
again
And now all my energy
and enthusiasm
is
gone
I dont want to do this
Or that
or anything
I just want to do what I want to do
I'm so sick of people telling me what to do
Oh I KNOW it's because they love me
And it's for my own good
But that doesn't stop it
FROM ANNOYING TF OUTTA ME
whinge
complain
sigh
****
Welp
Anyway
Whatevs
Do you laugh in glee
At how easy it is to manipulate me
The "disappointment" card
The "headache" card
The "wasting time" card
Guarantee success
I'll do it
P.S. I love you
PPS. I'm sorry

10.
BUSY BUSY BUSY
And just as well...
Breakfast with sister
She asked how many trips it'd take to get my stuff outta her house
I asked why
She said 'in case i should help'
But
Then the truth came out
She wants me to give back the key
*** for tat?
She's angry
I wont tell her where I'm going
I'm being "foul"
Kinda wrecked my day
But breakfast was good
And I was busy busy busy
Went to work and talked to Iris
She likes my trousers :)
Worked for five hours......... plus
Collated my crap
Went to the shop for some things
Australian things
Mum called
Asked if I was coming home for dinner
Wish I could have said no
I miss having dinner with my man.

11
I forgot my washing dang it
So much to do
Note: My boyfriend is freaking awesome
Feeling a lot calmer about DVT
Mark helped me a lot today
It's starting to sink in
Today is probably the last day I'll spend with him
Tonight was the last time I'll have dinner with the family
Tonight is the last night I'll be sleeping at home
my comfy bed
my big spacious room
my lack of awkwardness at opening up the fridge and cupboards and staring inside
I'm going to really miss the old life
lots of emotions
lots of scared
looking forward to what the future holds though.

This is the last verse/post for a while... leaving for Europe tomorrow... the next 21 days will be just me staring at European things and counting down the days til I see my love again

I LOVE YOU!

I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AGAIN SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXOXO

Gave me quite a shiver
when she said that
sometimes two people
just like to rub
up against one another.

What a simplification
of something
that I've personally held
so sacred in my heart.

Maybe I'm overcomplicating
things.

I just hope she don't find
someone else
worth rubbing up against.

Ah, insecurities?
Or perhaps,
a fundamental difference
in beliefs?

******* is ******* I guess,
she's probably right.
***** is always *****,
no matter what the label.

I'm sure there's been
times when
I've ****** some broad
without consideration
for her feelings.
Right? Sure. Whatevs, yo.

I'm overcomplicating things.