"util" poems
al verte parado frente a mi,
pense en todas las veces que miraba tu foto & te imaginaba junto a mi.
pense en lo pequeño que se ponen tus ojos cuando te ries & en lo amplia que se pone tu sonrisa cuando digo algo que te parece gracioso.
pense en lo agradecida que estaba, pues era yo la culpable de que sonrieras tanto.
te tuve tan cerca por mucho rato.
volvi a tocarte, a abrazarte, a sentirte, a hablarte, a mirarte, a pensarte.
hacias de cualquier momento uno util para hablarme. me preguntabas "estas cansada?" & sonreias.
puede que me sienta cansada fisicamente, pero jamas me sentire cansada de ver tu sonrisa, ver tus ojos, escuchar tu voz, & escucharte sonreir.
tu sonrisa es como la melodia que calma mis pensamientos & me ayuda a sentir viva.
tantos dias mirando tu foto imaginandote a mi lado, & hoy por fin te tuve frente a mi sonriente como siempre lo has estado.
aprovechabas cada momento para abrazarme & tocarme, observarme & hablarme.
me hacias pensar en la vez que me preguntaste si eramos algo mas, que con tanto rato al lado tuyo lo comenze a creer. solo queria mas & mas & mas de ti.
no solo te queria para ese rato.
te queria para mas.
para ese rato, & otro rato, & todos los ratos que puedan ser.
sentir tus manos en mi me hizo sentir como pieza de museo. como si tu fueras el escultor que moldeaba la pieza & le daba forma & vida. & yo era la pieza de museo que cobraba vida al ser moldeada & tocada por ti.
como si yo fuera esa pieza de museo que te sabes de memoria, te encanta tocar, & siempre esta en tus pensamientos.
pense que eras el escultor que vendia taquillas de museo para que todos fueran & puedan admirar tu amada pieza de museo que soy yo. como si yo fuera tu pieza de museo favorita & quisieras que todos lo supieran para que conozcan & esten consientes de tan majestuosa pieza de museo que soy. que solo tuya soy & tuya sere. que no importa cuantos ojos vengan a observarme, sabrias que ninguno podria mirarme de la misma manera en la que lo haces tu. que no importa cuantas manos vengan con la intencion de tocarme, ninguno podria hacerlo pues soy tu pieza favorita & no quisieras que me rompieran, aunque muy en el fondo sabias que una pieza como yo jamas podria romperse, pues estaba echa de un material unico que no se encuentra en todas partes, si no dentro de ti: tu gran amor hacia mi. tan delicada pero a la misma vez tan fuerte & llena de vida. no quisieras que hubieran piezas de otras personas en mi. total, sabias que ninguno otro podria tocarme con el amor & la dulzura que lo haces tu. tu me conoces, pues tu me creaste.
cuando me mirabas, te pensaba observando mi foto e imaginandome junto a ti. & que cuando estuve frente a ti, era la unica con la quien querias pasar todos tus ratos.
tantos pensamientos cobraron vida cuando te vi, hasta que volvi a la realidad & recorde que no soy tu pieza de museo favorita. hasta que recorde que existe otra pieza de museo que te gusta tocar & moldear aun mas. hasta que recorde que hay alguien mas en tu vida que ocupa todos tus pensamientos & con quien pasas todos tus ratos.
Jan 12, 2016
Jan 12, 2016 at 11:05 PM UTC
Nobody likes me now
I don't care
Everybody hates me now
They've got some nerve..
Everybody's looking down
I'm feeling cyclical
What should I do about
These ********
Pariah
Sin in over abundance
Liar
Reality could never change
Despondent
Sacrifice util it's incumbent
Pariah
You love the fair exchange
Gauge the metric
By which you judge
The proper usage
Harsher than the light on my keyboard
Often peckish
Killing skeptics
The proper usage
It all falls in the same vein
Forgiveness to a fault line
My god
All I've ever wanted was a new design
Hiding away in the suffering
Fudge the figure for the slumbering
Drab as they may come
Welcome to the whole **** phylum
Encroaching on the underlying theming
And everyone seems confused
I took the world
In my hands
Looked down
Then up again
They all were screaming
About the meaning
Under god
Claiming that they were free men
No resolve left, I stopped listening
Sep 18, 2017
Sep 18, 2017 at 4:29 AM UTC
Every day people astound me and I don’t know why.
They’ll astound me util the day i die. Why?
Don’t get me wrong, but where are the important people,
I wouldn’t know one if I met one. I’ve never met one.
But they’d be all that much more special if one appears to me ever.
I thought I found one once, then twice, and a third time, but before long they fell to ruin under the weight of themselves, they were abnormal and reality was normal, always clashing, and crashing, and bashing heads with each other.
I cry, oh how I cry for them to come back to reality where I am trapped. I see their reality and they do not. I wish I was like them. I wish I couldn’t see their faults and mine. As I slip away and their eyes glazed with rose pedals, I let out a shout! “Take me!” but their grins grow wide with sweet eyes and they drink my tears while I cry for them. I am sunk like a forlorn ship in the storm long ago. Like the sorrow they write about, I am that reality without readers. Unbeautifully broken. My story is worth not their hearts.
My eyes still close dreaming of you.
Apr 27, 2015
Apr 27, 2015 at 1:59 PM UTC
someday I will wake up next to you.
oh my, how lovely that sounds
how warm it feels around my heart
someday we won't have to hide.
with me holding your hand as strangers pass by
with me kissing your lips without fear, without second thoughts.
someday we wont have to face the distance
we can finally be together
finally free from their grasp
but util that someday, I'll have to bear the emptiness when you are gone, the dread of you not being around, and the pure bliss of you finally coming home to me.
Oct 22, 2016
Oct 22, 2016 at 7:58 AM UTC
You swore you never knew
What love was util you met me
You would not say the words
Until you meant them
Then you said them to me
In English and French repeatedly
You said if I ever went far away
You would never let me go again
You said you would never leave me
The morning after I dreamt
That you did with her
You said a wife you were asked to pick
Swiftly you chose me
You said you craved for only me
Dreamt of the night our wedding will be
Now these things have meaningless be
Because you are saying these words to me
"Tomorrow her parents I will meet
Just know our memories I will always keep
For Man proposes but God disposes
I wish you the best
Because you deserve it"
©Belema.S.Ekine
Aug 15, 2017
Aug 15, 2017 at 8:12 AM UTC
under this scratch of sky to us assigned
I do not want to be useful
I want to be close to you.....
not telling you what you do not remember or do not know
but gather the threads that tie our words
dispersed in infinite space
and knot them one by one,
the words
so to weave a net
a safety net on which we may let us go,
fall
with all our thoughts
before it's late
of other possible goodness
I do not know
................
sotto questo graffio di cielo a noi assegnato
io non voglio esserti utile
voglio esserti vicino.....
non dirti cosa non ricordi o non sai
ma raccogliere i fili a cui sono legate le nostre parole
disperse nello spazio infinito
e annodarle una ad una, le parole
così da tessere una rete
una rete di protezione sulla quale lasciarci andare
cadere
con tutti i nostri pensieri
prima che sia tardi
di altro bene possibile
non so
inútil
bajo este rasguño del cielo a nosotros asignado
no quiero ser util
yo quiero estar cerca de ti.....
no decirte lo que no recuerdas o no sabes
en cambio recoger los hilos donde estàn atadas nuestras palabras
dispersas en el espacio infinito
y atarlas una por una,
las palabras
para tejer una red
una red de seguridad en la que podemos dejarnos ir,
caer
con todos nuestros pensamientos
antes de que sea tarde
de otra posible bondad
no sé
................
inutile
sous cette égratignure du ciel pour nous assigné
Je ne veux pas être utile
Je veux être près de toi.....
ne pas vous dire ce que vous ne rappelez ou ne savez pas
mais rassembler les fils qui lient tous nos mots
dispersés dans un espace infini
et les nouer un par un,
les mots
ainsi tisser un filet
un filet de sécurité sur lequel nous pouvons nous laisser aller,
tomber
avec toutes nos pensées
avant qu'il soit ****
d'autre bonté possible
Je ne sais pas
Nov 9, 2018
Nov 9, 2018 at 5:26 AM UTC
I tried it all,
I ran
I wrote
I swam
and sunk
I smoked
and flew
only to fall back through
I lied
and hoped
Still nothing
worked
Maybe there's something
for me to do
not yet named of course,
Util then
I'm off to study,
because that's all I must do...
or maybe not
off to fail i go
Dec 15, 2018
Dec 15, 2018 at 9:08 PM UTC