Fabricated.
Fictitious.
A fake floating feeling
Falls short
Of my fleeting fantasy.

This insidious infirmity
Isn't what I intended.
I've been inflicted
With internal indisposition.
In need of an ideal identity.

Who am I without
This ****** to make me whole?
How do I heave my heart
Away from this hole?
Have you seen how hard this is?

But it's been short of a year,
Of believing I can simply be.
And before I break
Bleed me of my bane.
And for me, bear no malice.

Tightly take me
Away from my terible tempest.
Time tells me it's time to stop.
Too long I've tortured my tenemet.
Tame the tantrum tearing through me.

Sober seems strong,
But it's systematic survival.
Stopping the surrender
To something stimulating.
Learning to stand sedated.

No I'm no longer numb.
No longer neglecting my need
For new novcane.
Knowing I'll never need
This vaccine again.

You are all my ambition.
Dispelling my ailments
And afflictions.
I am hard to adore, I know.
You are my new addiction.

You have me dreaming,
Praying we are real.
Made me feel.
Don't decieve my brittle belief.
Keep me, don't leave.

I'm not the kind to fly.
For you i'd try to dive.
Unafraid I might die.
I don't hide from the night.
This is what I've been trying to find.

my sneses are in overdrive
like a car driving over a big sped bump

i look to the left
outlines of claking clikers await me

i look to the rite
there bulgig eyes dare me to make the fist move

i like to wisper sweet nothing's into they're ears
like "mr claker yuo are so powerful" or "scutle away with me to ******"

but then i had the truly terible reelisation
they doo not have ears...

and you came back again,
and then the thoughts come back again,
and the world turned to **** again,
and my life felt worthless again,
and the coffee tasted bitter again,
and everything was bitter again,
and the voices came back again,
and I cried in my room again,
and I pictured all my mistakes again,
and I found my old photos again,
and I forgot how much I missed being loved again,
and I remembered all the terible things you did again,
and I cried even louder again,
and then my mistakes the followed came back again,
and my eyes got weak again,
and I thought about my friends again,
and then I figured they hated me again,
and everyone hated me again,
and no one came back to save me again,
and i'm alone to save myself again,
and I don't know how to again,
and my life feels meaningless again,
and its getting so hard to hold on again,
and I don't know who I can trust again,
and I'm not okay again.
and everything was wrong again,
and this keeps happening again,
and again,
**and again

Im elevated higher.. but im not a flyer...I rather run...cuz that takes more muscle which means a lot more fun...Feet on the ground head up in clouds, Body in the gutter hormones screamin out loud...Thoughts to my vision...concept to my posion...juxstaposition...placed in mutiple postions...Catch me Im a fool...Baby oil smooth...Thousond island's nasty but which one will I choose...Mayo can you Katchup...Mix us theres the Match up...Pick up sticks with fidle sticks...I sing a mean back up...Couldy water that i drink..Couldy visions that i think...WAY up in the atmosphere...There is no way that we can link...One two different levels...A higher song with terible...You can keep the lower bass...Thats just vibrators in your face...Sing me songs in harmoney...found my perfect melody...in this higher levated state...I wish some *** heads could relate....

paranoia is a terrible thing

she said that i wasn't good enough
okay she didn't say it
but she was thinking it
i know she was thinking it
she's always thinking it
i would be thinking it
i'm always thinking it
what if she hates me
what if she wishes i was never born
what if she wishes she'd gotten an abortion
what if she looks at me
and sees every dead dream from her childhood
in my palm
the house she wanted to live in
in my mouth
the loving husband she never got
in my eyes
the children who listened
who obeyed
who were beautiful
and acceptable
and quiet
and smart
and never talked back
i hate her
i hate her
i hate her
she hates me
i hate myself

paranoia is a terible thing
it builds up walls you don't need
and refuses to tear them down
creates a careful system of winding hallways
each new passage lined with bedroom doors
that if you open them
let a flood wash out
and each flood contains some new and unique mantra
something spicy in room 302
something salty in room 904
something ugly in all of the rooms
something ugly in you
paranoia is a terrible thing

my mother was born into a family of angry people
her mother
my grandmother
had palms like wasp stingers
sharp and quick to strike
her father
my grandfather
drove around the islands in his wife's truck
with his girlfriend
went from binge drinking to bible thumping
turned on a dime
i guess that explains somethings about my mother
my mother has never raised her hand against me
not in the way that her parents did
she was always restrained
always stopped
always preferred to send me to my room
always wanted me to just stop misbehaving
i was always misbehaving
sometimes i would watch her hands as she spoke
and wish
praying
that she'd just
snap
and drag both palms across my face
give me a reason to call the cops
hello
please help
i need to get away
i need to get away
im trapped and i need to get away
help me get away
please
please
please

paranoia is a terrible thing
it's like a skipping record
playing the same four seconds of a song
on repeat
for three days
until something bumps it
and suddenly there's a new soundbyte
a new clip to listen to on repeat for a year
or two
or a life time
im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry
help me help me help me help me help me
i didn't mean to i didn't mean to
please don't hate me
please mom
please
please
paranoia is a terrible thing

Wait; pause dont panic;
Not all mirrors' reflect the soul.
There's beauty hidden deep within;
Every beasty thing that exists.
And ugliness is a trait of beauty.
Unseen and unheard in fairy tales.
Everthing made of star dust;
Has something magical within.
All snow white's are not fair;
And every prince isn't charming.
Nothing other than the black.
Could satisfy the moonless dark.
Every ugly, earthy seed contains;
An unborn beautiful flower.
Until it doesn't die of suffocation;
It doesn't reproduce beauty.
While cherishing the beauty of the flower
Why ignore the cause is the seed's sacrifice?
Would it be still an eye treat;
If the seed hadn't died a terible death?
Arnt abstract arts masterpeices;
Like the others present in the gallary?
Dont trust mirrors
They only reflect the phyical appearance,
Not the beauty of the soul.
Everthing is beautiful;
When veiwed from different angle;
From different point of veiw;
Not the one which we are accustomed to see from.

Forgive me for breaking the rules,
Abusing of my right to write poetry,
Instead,I will write something else,
Using it for my own personal gain,
And speaking about things on my mind.
This little corner of internet has a lot to display,
Strange thing how its multiplying by each day.
I joined here just to read as a passionated reader,
Now I am writing too as a professional writer.
This place it feels like a virtual home,
Some of you share their deepest hopes,
Such as “I loved her within my every bone”
Or “She is so ******* rude I’d rather be alone”
I am not trying to rationalize what you say,
Because everyone  has a different share.
Advocating your personal case,
As defendat you have this right to defend,
Then you’re switching roles,
As an impartial judge you will condone,
From your gift you won’t be disowned of.
Expressing in poems what you feel,
It takes much courage to be so real,
In a World that is trying to reduce us,
To an absolute 0 silence,
When in fact we all should be shyness.
"Listen up - there's no war that will end all wars."
That’s what Haruki Murakami said,
An inspired writer,one of the kinds,
Yeah! I read his books sometimes.
I think airplanes should rather drop the candy sweetness,
The only thing I am really wishing to be witness.
In case if you're wonder,
No, none of this was suppose to rhyme
But now I don't think is such a terible crime.
Everyone is seeking for something,
Truth,Love,Happiness,and Comfort.
All above,for me are now postponed,
Because I am on a quest for the unknown.
More interested in stars from above,
Than people who act like hoes.
**** this!
I am not gonna make this essay about me,
The bottom line is this;
Read like nobody is watching,
Write like everyone is reading.
Appreciate yourself at first,
No matter how selfish it may sound,
Then love yourself just the way you are,
Cause’ beautiful minds are so rare.
Sometimes there's so much to read,
That manny of us get lost into abyss.
Others are lucky to be found,
Their art is now so profound.
Dear Readers and Writers,
Thank you for sharing it,
Thank you for reading it.