When this life finally stops, toward the ocean I will find myself.
Sit on the shore, and dig my toes in the sand.
On a foggy day, I'll wander under the dock, and not focus on that ticking clock.
The grey-blue haze, that sits on the washing waves.
Matches the color of my eyes.
I close them and imagine diving into the curling white water.
My legs start to bind together.
And where my ribs used to be, Gills start to piece together.
I swim and swim and twist and turn. And jump.
God it feels so free, just the ocean and me.
My lips spread into a smile, the wind sweeps across my face, and kisses my ears.
A toothy grin.
I open my eyes.
I'm still on this shore.
Standing up, I lightly step some-what on my tippy toes.
The oceans comes up to greet me, licking my feet.
I spread my arms out like I'm on a balance beam.
And turn in circles and start to sing.
Humming softly to myself, singing to the ocean a melody.
I flick the water with my feet, and keep walking in that teasing tide.
I pencil turn, and reach up and back down, drag my fingers in the water.
As I come up, SWISH, throwing the water across the space.The blowing wind, spritzing mist in my face.
I smile and dance, while the ocean and I hold hands.
I laugh and smile all alone.
But its drown out by the oceans dragging moan.
And I sit in the water like I'm 6 years old.
Starring out into that grey-blue foggy world.
I crawl a little deeper and start to slink around.
Touching the sand and smelling the water.
Dear god mother nature, how amazed I am to be your daughter.
Gently letting myself sink, I dig my hands down deep in the sand.
Pulling myself along the floor, letting the sand sweep down my body.
Forcing myself to the top, I briefly stop to rush my lungs with good ole' air.
Before sinking back down, until just my eyes show above the water.
Peepin my peepers back to shore.
And for a minute I see myself sitting there on the shore.
Staring out on the ocean.
I stand up, still wading in the water.
She stands up too. We look at each other from our distance.
Just watching, observing and there's no resistance.
We just stand and stare.
Are we one person or a pair?
I look to my left, and my right.
Look back at her, and wonder if she's alright.
I wave at her and she waves back.
That's all that's done, and we are one, and now we're back and she is gone.
Was she a part of me?
The one looking longingly into the sea?
Or just a figment of who used to be.
Two different worlds, living as one, walking further towards open water.
I move on.
It's getting stormy and starts to rain.
I get antsy and start swaying, with every wave that crashes through my chest.
I wait for the next,
Rolling monster and dive right through it's growling stomach.
So smoothly gliding back to the surface.
It's getting darker and the fog rolls in stronger.
I swim head first, crawling over every wave.
Reaching open water where the waves are much smaller.
Treading I move myself 360.
Nothing and no one but the grey-blue fog around me.
It's an eerie feeling but it feels just right.
Out here with no one-nothing in sight.
I turn on my back and float around, my ears under water listening to the oceans sound.
I can hear myself breathing, and the faint sound of my heart beating.
Ba-thump, Ba-thump, Ba-bathump, Ba-bathump. Beating faster and faster.
Pushing my up out of my daze.
Why had my heart rate started to raise?
Tilt my body back till my feet dangle towards the oceans seemingly never ending depth.
I spin slowly around.
Pure silence except for my treading breath.
I turn around again and again once more.
My eyes stop wide and I nearly sink.
When not 10 feet from mine, a large fin, sitting on a monsters spine.
It's just a fact, there's not much I can do.
But keep treading and despite the view.
Take in this marvelous creature, keep myself calm hoping he's not thinking "I'm gonna eat her!"
But the reality is that fin's getting closer.
I'm not afraid.
Accepting yes, because I am in the presence of greatness.
You have to respect the realm your in, and understand,
If you choose to swim, that you may drown if your not strong.
And you could be devoured before long.
Treading still I keep my will, breath in deep and then exhale.
Creeping closer, unusually slow
The fin disappears somewhere below.
My heart is in my mouth, and my spine feels weak.
I keep breathing slow, in and out.
I look across the water and up at the sky.
I let myself drift a little vertical,
As my pupils line up with the waters edge.
Slowly in this foggy grey-blue blanket.
I pedal myself around.
Not a foot away from me, that fin rises slowly, menacingly.
My eyes lock on that fin, and I watch it pass right around me, back to where it began.
Again and circle twice.
I reached my hand out.
