Ten ways to get over your first love.
1. Stop looking for them in every person. In every street corner or behind the door ajar stop hoping for them to be standing there, that crooked smile on their face and their arms open. Stop waiting for the phone and staying on call waiting for them to mumble, "I love you, I think."
2. You don't.
3. Date other people. Date the boys who put their hands on you the wrong way, even if you want the girl who was afraid of skinship and gazed into your eyes the right way when she laid beside you in bed, listening to your hollow chest with a pendulum swing knocking the bones and thick skin quiet enough to hear a pin drop, because she wasn't the type to catch you.
4. I don't know if you can.
5. Forget how beautiful she is. Forget how she could make you feel like you are flying because 3 seconds later she made you feel unloved, like every postcard was unsent and every message deleted, every Long song ****** out of your ears. Forget that every time she didn't call you or referred to you as just a Friend didn't scald your damaged hands that that were getting ready to hold her so tight your hands would grow numb and didnt slice your eye because you couldn't bear to see her leave and leave and leave and how every time she didn't look your way you'd twist your neck searching empty trash cans and grey pillars for a number, a room key, something better. but be grateful. others took longer to die. but loving her was suicide.
6. I can't stop finding her beautiful.
7. Write about her. Write Everyday about how she broke your heart without even having a single clue she did and how she finally came out to her Sister because you gave her confidence to and how she is so ******* beautiful. But she is not perfect. Write about her flaws. Try to scrape your mind of everything good, write about why you shouldn't love her. Draw a blank, and draw a heart instead. Draw the heart and write her name in it, it's been engraved on every tree you see and every bus ride home is another reason to shut your eyes. Catch her in the shadows. Write the possible reasons as to why she's there, staring. Realise she never was.
8. Ignore her, make her feel unloved. You talk about her like she was the only star in your sky and you were a mere black hole. You were a chore, you were the person she pitied you were another reason why she couldn't sleep at night you were a fish in a school; a mere dark cast that swore to bring down everything she loved. you made her worry, you made her stressed out. you made her tired. tired of you. tired of hearing you crying and exhausted from all the times counting sheep didn't work for you and you needed a stab to the chest just to put you to sleep. you didn't do **** for her. She doesn't need you, right?
9. but you need her.
10. I am sleepwalking through the week and it is only Monday I see you and her and you and her and how she looks at you and I don't know about how you feel about her. I don't know how you feel about anything, about me, about the book you're always reading. I miss you. I miss your tendency to make me feel wanted and your tendency to make me feel unwanted, I miss your tendency to make me feel something other than sad. sadder. sadly I never got the chance to tell you this. I don't know if I will. But I want you to remember. You will always be the hand that held on tightly for me and the spark that reminded me what it was like to burn bright. I still feel you in every wooden surface and every look is just another reason to count the amount of chances I've given to myself to love you. I think I always will.
I once loved a girl, but I wasn't in love. I once looked into her eyes and I didn't see me. She's gone now. But I'll never forget the first time, I saw a little glimpse of a what if. an almost, a love dancing in the wind. how I would Long for the touch but we fell short of probability. our parallel lines never intercepted and I was too bad at math to find a way to fix it. next time, I'll look for my love in a broken heart.
