I figured something out today.
The majority of the people I serve are completely braindead.
It makes me so angry.
Some of them tap their glasses, in such a way to make me hear in my mind,
"Oh yeah more water over here, would you?"
And I sit there and realize
I am a machine to them. A cashier. I make change.

I hate half of my coworkers. I hate to sound like a total ****, but its true.
One of the guys in the kitchen is just an *******. He barks orders, doesnt say please or thank you,
You know, all that standard crap that I have come to expect
Considering I have been raised to be the NICEST PERSON outwardly...

[It was around 13 when my inwardly was born and raised.
That age when all I did when listened to Sisters of Mercy and Korn
And wore leather gloves all over the place (fingerless, of course)
And cited goth poetry and Edgar Allen Poe in English class...

Hey... got the best speech/writing grades...

Women finally realized I existed.
I no longer cared for women.
Friends flocked.
I no longer needed friends.
People stopped trying to stab me.
I no longer cared.

The horrendous, hilarious, horrifying truth to what I felt those times
Was that I finally had acceptance when I no longer wanted it.
Oh, the irony (Coincidence, probably... Not by definition, just by realism... it was a coincidence that happened to be RIDICULOUSLY ironic)]

The other guy back there is a complete and utter clique-artist.
In every. Sense. His backwards *** hat, the jewelry sparkling,
His "homie" attitude...all that ****.
Now I don't care where he was raised, it's just that this guy
Gets all these beautiful, nice, seemingly very sweet women swooning on him.
And I sit here, polite, making light jokes and flirtation, and I guess maybe I am no longer attractive to women, because I get nothing. Even when I all out ask for a date. Excuses, excuses.

This may sound like me whining, but I am just trying to be honest about how I feel about these people.

Nowadays I find myself with my mouth shut constantly.
Making jokes no one gets... Am I high brow or low?
I don't get it, girls want this guy in the kitchen, they swoon and blush over the *******,
It's all rude comments and no manners, a lot of angry people, shouting, shooshing,

I just feel like this could be done a better way.
Look, call me crazy, and to all my readers,
I'm sorry, this is a very different kind of writing that I get into sometimes, but...

I think I may be one of the very few intelligent people of the world.
I think poets and musicians are many of the few. And I mean real musicians, not bands like
(and I will name them all just for fun, let them sue me if this eventually gets published)
Hinder, Shinedown, Nickelback, Creed, Nikci Minaj, Seether, Limp Bizkit, oh I would go on, but the list...
It extends beyond ME.

So.... We are all of a very select and important group.

And I think we all need to realize that we can team up to make the world a better place...for at least the next generation to come.
Somehow...
Even if we don't fix what is happening all around us constantly...
Let's bring the greatest art to the greatest and most deserved generation.

I love my life, and I love you people...
I just wish I didn't feel so down...

But hopefully I will fall in love, too. We'll see.

High hopes on high ropes
Swinging dreams back
pushing forth, life is d•o•p•e
come full swing, me and you
Tip toeing the pebbles
ever so carefully in rain dew
Sometimes on my tip toes
I feel someone a seether
Only in my breath knows
I treaded not for very long
But as harsh to please
To comfort, with ol song
On my fingers touch my lips
The tire of replicated movement
Made God and the devil pist
Tomorrow, crossed out my name
The merry-go-round that spin
The fire in my skin is pain
all the people know her name
Back and forth I rock my chair
thinking and going, stoping,
And time is not ticking
time is looking for rest, dropping
killing every move my toes make
Unchaste paragon I make rebel of,
and off they will go... my orgen
To a valkyrie's back who will slane
the shame of me..

~I am still hanging on. I love you mom.

© S.T. Rebel of Eden

I'm content on knowing who I am, and who im not. Unopened packages and a bouquet of forget-me-nots, laying on the burned dresser,
Doors that swing open from the inside out,
Shaggy carpet.

I never had time to frame the posters,
So I'll tear them down tonight,
The uneven weight of hammer in the palm of a shakey old mans hand,
Cause he'll work until he dies,
I don't know why you love me.

Egg shells and intimate objects,
Buried beneath this castle of a home,
Drapery made of fish scales & the darkness in your eyes, that'll never fade away.

You're the only person who's said my name,
With passion behind it,
I dance to Toms Diner by DNA,
Cause it drives me crazy like Legos in martini's,
Broken by Seether reminds me of your dead,
Mom,
Beat up skater shoes & chain link fences,

Inhale exhale,
For what?
You won't be counting the heart beats in my back,
As you slide my shirt off.

Music always was an escape for me,
Until you came and went,
And stole it all from me

Tegan and Sara, blink-182
Seether, Jimmy Eat World
and Aerosmith too

Every song was a dagger,
That I masochistically plunged,
Until I was drained, haggard

I have my songs back,
But you've stained them,
Forever marked black

I wish you could see,
even though you said it wasnt me.
You gave me Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy.

I didn't know what it was either,
but now I just feel like a seether.
But of course you where a cheater.

Again I'm the one to depart,
even though it's your art.
Of giving me a broken heart

Daughtry Nickel back Avicci Hinder
3 doors down The fray Linkin park
Nirvana Pentatonix Creed 3-days grace Life house
Seether The calling Evanescence James blunt Maroon 5
Coldplay

There just some of the bands/songs I like listening too...they inspire me!
not a poem, but a list of songs/bands with words of meaning in them.

himalayan salt can't fight the beavers
and veruca salt can't fight the seether

Lab coat ....
Bench tops....
Floor,cabinets,
Pretty much everything is all white....
Except me ......
Bunsen burners
beakers,
Test tubes
Full of emotions,
Boiling .
Vamping off clues......
Of what is it?
Which drives me to be so bendable.
The subject ......
Timid, me.....
Lab Rat.
Find me lost in a maze or running
On the wheel.
In the cage.




Not really too.....
Anything,but maybe away
From
Something



Chemistry.......
Charts and
graphs
Elementary ....
Wall coverings
Crows feet.......
Deepening
Control group
Doin they're thing......
OH!
Here we go.
Controlling.....
Keep going ....
Please......
Keep my head down ......
Keep going .....
Please ....
Don't see me...
Oh ****.....
Hey ........
Whatchadoin?

Waiting here for you to come by and ruin my day .....
Is what I wanted to say.....
But didn't......
Smoke......
somethings.....
Burning internally.
Feeling sorta
In different....
Like madness
Has separated
Me...
Id.......
Me ....
Mamamama
My persona.....

Steeped in a white hot Seether.....
Could neither
Diffuse nor compromise...
Trepidation.....
Not  for persona  sake....
Panic.......
For the opponents.....
Being forewarned....
Chose ignorance.....
Ignoring
The desperate
Overtly obvious
Warning
Signs.....
⚠️
At the apex of max capacity.
two choices.
Guilt could expand the space
Where swallowed pride sits...
at the price of homicide....
Although
Tempting ...
Instead.....
Devise a compromise ...
Inspired  by both sides
And this fault line
Left from
A life time trying to be kind....
Meanwhile
Transparent
Perpetrators
Beguiling
......
Smil­ing overpitty-ing,
Drawing the focus away
From themselves passing the shame  
Character bashing
My friendemies,
For exactly .....
Precisely the
same thing they are doing
Saying sternly
HEY  !!!!!!!!!!?
Don't you go & let them talk you into anything .
Look at me
You don't owe them a thing....
I mean it ....."
As I listen to these wealthy friends telling me they feel so bad for me ....
And there so sad cause they wish they could pay me
But right now
Can only give me a couple bucks .....but in two weeks come on back
& They'll settle up......
Then they don't...
Stoke the fire
Start woofin
The bellows
Flames darker ...and rising
This is it .....indecisive decisions on which side of the schism to give or not to give in .......
A raging torrent is oxidizing
Standing on the fence line
I'm the accelerant....
The sparks the flames the maddening magnesium
The wind uprooting trees and burning them
Woofin big time ******* in oxygen .....
Like a constant burst that don't end .
So brightening

Suns faded out ...
And now it's darkening
As my psyche
Deviding

Split ......
id good ....
Id bad .....
Strange !.?.!.....
Very .......
News to me...
There is someone around here.....
Apperantly ....that looks just like me ...
Cause that's not like ????
I need hard evidence and need to be convinced
Without which ....
Recollection.....
Won't set in .....
Bewildering ...
If and when ...
I remember the checanery and shenanigans
I have allegedly done...
There comes this this image ..
Me now ...
At a good distance behind
"The" age 7 me... .
secretly watching ....
In the back yard    
Of the home predating
That age.....
At dawn...
And the warmth of the sun in my face and the fog
Dissipating
"In front"  me
Above the sunken marsh in view of the slough
And secretive
Personal trail
no one but me knew through
Those cattails
I loved so much....and my favorite carrion the red winged blackbird singing .....
Not a thought or care in the world
Taking a good healthy breath.
The overwhelming
Sensation of a satisfying grin begining to unfurl
Turning into a gratifying smile.

Absent .......not abstinence.
Is my insatiable appetite
A euphoric delight
Or a splinter cell off my absinthe maddness
Personally to me its..........
It starts with honey and black licorice sucrets
Turning to orange an whip cream then fresh crunchy cherries
Enhanced with the essence of you
Like the sugar cube on a stick
I pour my Absinthe through


And as our pallets change along with life
As they always do one thing remains constant
I follow my heart and
always winds up in you !

The indignant mantle of an idiot
Shorn, wooden shoulders rotted to bone
Dusted for flavor; dentil houndstooth coat
A book on plural morality and a scone

No rhyme, no meter; no whim and seether
Wingclipped hair and a fingered smile
Through the prism of Penchant spun on axis
In the dictionary he locates G for guile

The taste of love once bitten  ambrosial  insatiable
Saffron infused whipped honey butter
The flavors of the colors plumb crazy purple
Candy apple red sugary sparkling white
Glossy ebony. Red cherry kukabura  licorice
Deep blackberry
soft glowing pink spiked with wisps of magenta ,coral and tastefully splattered
With clouds snowy white and airy.
The Mojave desert drenched
And still wet shimmering in hues of golds sparkling as seen through pouty  eyes.
The taste of passionate sweat
And and the ultimate quench
The tears of love
Oh the mere mention of which fills the well of my eye
Countless pillows saturated
From the seemingly endless nights
That should have been............
Instead i writhe alone, in a hot sauna ,glistening
Minds twistining in this insatiable plane
*** drive insain i m thinkin my brain stuck in puberty
Bristling with i wanna
And im cursed with a perfect pornographic
Memory in perpetual  purgatory
Im sick withit
I notice a whip of your hair , an extra long stare
The nap of your neck
That look of" i dont care if youre here or there
You are of no interest to me"
Whith respect i try to discretely slip away.
Im hypnotized with a bellicose glare thats saying
Dont you dare try to walk away from me.
Come to me later when im alone
You have something i need .!
My blood instantly boiling under your spell all the way home i san smell your gaze upon me.
I have no will i am your Renfield
Im in love with being sealed in your fate
And this seether you have me steeped in
Caged temporally is only temporary
I am whodini shifting Nosferatu
You thought you had me
Sorry i have you under me and you invited me in
I ve got a fever ........
etiquette and inhabitions obscured
Sleepy eyed smirk i picture you and I
In an oasis under an ****** blue sky.
You in a jean skirt
Compassed about by lush deep green
Your favorite song nothing you do could be wrong
Im outa my mind your twerkin
And i can almost see your. .........
<{****}>
kicked off the gong show for lude behavior
Thats just sillyness .
Seriously im lascivious
Enough about me all i want is everything
About you
Succulents thriving in the august month draped in a glistening canopy
Of moist oceanic breeze.
everything joyful inviting. caramels
Almonds, sticky sweet baklava......
Mangoes and sticky rice....
Thai ice tea and coffee.
Honey do dripping cloves and cinnamon........wild mountain blackenblueberry jumble pie with extra  crumble and saturday winter soup
And summer sunday fried chicken
Bliss .....concord grape claufatis Di Sorono with fresh squeezed murcotts
Whith a drizzle of chambord
Panne de homone
And the tickle of a little humming birds tounge flicking your earlobe
Felt but not heard
The flavors mixing
shake not stirred
The first drink youll savour and with a woulnded heart you will slide down to the bottom of the glass looking for more
Its such a rush that you chase it knowing its ultimately
What you live for
Wanderlust,indescribable wontedness,
Mysterious,intoxicatingly exotic
Dangerous cocktail of eclectic electricly charged concoctions
On the cusp of poisonous
depending whom you share it with
could be the breath of life
Releasing you from stress and strife........could be the kiss of death ..................
Could be a soulmate could be the best thing the world has ever seen ..........inspiring ...................creator of king a Queen ....
Nations are built and conquered by her
Mountains moved.
Its what makes life worth living.
Once smitten the world abounds
Heaven smiles
You bath water feels like milk
And smells like lilacs an hyacinth
Youre gowned in silks and satin
Everything becomes new
in vibrant pastels and unimaginable
Muse
Flavors mingle .....
Personally to me its..........
It starts with honey and black licorice sucrets
Turning to orange an whip cream then fresh crunchy cherries
Enhanced with the essence of you
Like the sugar cube on a stick
I pour my Absinthe through


And as our pallets change along with life
As they always do one thing remains constant
I follow my heart and
always winds up in you !

This ambrosial  ? . ....
IDK........
Thing .........
I mean ........
It's like ..........
Seriously?
What are you doin?
No SERIOUSLY!
Look .......
I'm all..........ya know?
Dude ..........
***?  ...'.........
What am I doing........
Oh .... I
Just called you dude.
I'm a frickin idjut
Literally I cant even
Practice out this fantasy.
Without screwin it up
Dam boo you got me straight shoe lacen
Over my trippin
Ok allz I want to say is
I,spend over half my day thinking about you
And even more tryin to
Not think about you
I feel crazy caught up in your maze
I m amazed at how much
I love not catchin you
In this cat and mouse phase
I dream of this encounter
I see you and I'm in a seether.
Im goin out of my mind
Tryin so hard not to look
And like  crook
I get caught
And im completely sprung
Cause I see this look from you........
O M G.........
Sayin.........
I know boo
You ......
Om gosh im
blushing
You........like.....
Ummmm
I can fight this either

Non knower of carbon.
Liqud sacked dependant .
Blind insect you all breed of unquenchable want it all'ers.
Un-do ing plume of simple uni dimensional lucidity
Harbingers of self inducive doom
Fools
infidels of indecency.whom defecate more than consume
Clutch of incubating repubates writhing in a seether of iniquities .
Listen to me
Since your inception i have languished
Infinitesimal linguistic anomalies
It would consume more than youre vocabulary
To understand one simple word from me
dumbed down distilled  to you
From me.
regarding  the only pure euphoria
Created ...prophesied
The pain...............we have waited...
You tainted
..............
You measure linear aggregation in terms of time
You cannot even fathom infinity which to me is a blink of your eye
I see Epochs...   ......millions upon millions..........
You ............
Took love for granted and i rot inconsolable
Only to Rebuke you
You........a lesion infected  solution of spiritual blood lust and ****
Leaving me with one fantasy
My only compromise.is to coalesce
At the advent of your demise