Missing you as much as I do
Starting to premeditate all the ways I could drop a clue
In your presence is when I felt my loveliest
Tried to replace you cause now I’m at my loneliest.
Can’t forget how much you want me to get better
Your pep talks couldn’t have gotten me any more wetter

Lately I haven’t been able to sleep
Compared to you everyone just seems so bleak
I toss and turn and don’t realize it’s getting late
Can’t even bring myself to *******
I get aggravated cause I can’t get you out of my head
Especially when I picture that other ******* your bed

Then I remember all the childish things I did
Don’t want to let history repeat itself, god forbid
Our friendship might not ever be the same
But for that only I’m not the only one to blame
Why did you have to move on so fast
When you led me to think what we shared was something that could last
I’ve never wanted to try so hard
I wanted to be the only and last girl you brought to the yard.

Can’t seem to end this poem
My hearts pounding and all I can think is
“I can’t wait to show him”
You say my company isn’t something you’re missing
Can’t stop the tears as I watch the videos of us kissing
I captured a moment where you said
Those three words that put my insecurity to bed

It's not suicide that's on my mind 
It's ****** that sits behind my eyes 
That awaits to appear before my pupils 
That anticipates the visual through my lenses 
That contemplates the bare face without a mask 
Violence is on my mind 
But is it out of my grasp? 
As I sigh, it's testing for me to blink 
My eyes envision the scene 
Standing over the sink 
I'm standing there with myself 
Think...
About something else!!!
Rabbits 
Cabbage 
Sandwich 
Guns 
****! Where did that come from? 
I don't need help
I refuse, because I'm not confused 
I need to do this 
Momma always told me that wants are just taunts 
So I take her words and try to define and categorize my choice 
Credible: check 
Eligible: check 
Inevitable; yes, I have the perfect excuse despite the notion of being rightful 
Momma didn't counsel that etcetera 
So I don't even think of the sentencing 
The authorities aren't as preventing 
So they don't know what I'm thinking nor do they know what I'm doing 
Until it's done 
They might catch me because I will neglect to hide or run 

1st degree 
My 2nd attempt 
My 3rd resort 

In this case is my mind my best resource? 
If I recourse and explore my feelings 
I will still have a passion, maybe to do it in a more gruesome fashion 

A murderer's mind is like fish's eyes 
Restless 
Selfish 
(how so when the attention is steady on the potential victim? 
Although, but Is this really being considerate?)

I have plenty of lifeless bodies in my psychological attic 
One time I got this guy looking spiffy and brought him into the living room where I tried to sit him upright on the sofa 
It was a pain in the *** for my brain in the past 
I thought about his family more than of him, overall it effected my comfortability at home 
So often times I found myself in the basement 
Heart racing 
Quick movements and fast pacing 
Thought I was drawing attention 
For revenge to trace it 
So I tightly secured my spaces 
Kept two firearms adjacent 
I think about the things that I do 
Thats dreadful enough for comrades to contact taboo 
I hope retaliation was only nightmares and don't become déjà vu 
Because if that's the case then if I can remember the handle was still lodged into my waist 
As gas operates and bolts rotate from the Izhmash make 
Majority of the exploded cartridges run stray 
I run in between Subway and Chase 
Where I can take cover 
And aim my muzzle 
Before my corpse completely turn into rubble 
I was penetrated too well now to move with bustle
Then I suddenly remembered my mother 
...
I wanted to stay alive 
...
I couldn't cry because I seen this before 
Just from the other side 
But who cares? 
I just wish those men would look me in my eyes
As I would 
But they rather witness my demise from a distance 
*******!
...
Here I am 
Criminal minded 
Blinded 
From any 
Uummmm I don't know 
Natural state or thought 
But guess what? 
Guess who I'm studying while i'm placed in front of the mirror? 
Noooo I said guess 
...
You'll find out soon enough
...
(Shoulder shrug)
I guess

No my name’s not Bennett , but I’m really in it.
Never one to just go with the flow,
I’m just trying to win it.

Not wanting my relationship to be a situationship; it’s dangerous.
Can’t even see the monsters that you’ve made of us.

Raising up.
Raising brows.
Cover up my own smile.
Thinking I could fill the void by having me a second child.

My hearts full.
Full of emotion.
Full of neglect.
Full of myself.
Full of my friends and loved ones that are left.

Feeling out of touch, I’m trying to change my life and run it up.
The marathon continues , but I can’t be no runner up.

Dumb it down.
Sound it out.
Passion’s what I’m all about.
Crazy, but I want a happy home before I get a house.
Feeling by myself but it’s like ten people on the couch.

It ***** for me.
But soon I’ll reach my clarity, guess lucky me.

Stuck to me.
Looking up the definition of custody.
My words and my heart’s all I got left, don’t give a **** to me.

I need a hug.
Find comfort in myself but I can’t see the love.

Back and forth with self worth.
Thinking bout my son’s birth.
AMB, this thing will last forever long as I’m on Earth.
Almost had that took away.
I’m suffering like every day.
Mentally I’m in maze, trying to fix these evil ways.

Evil thoughts.
Thought about it all when my last breath was caught.
Almost in a hole for real, my demons had a hold of wheels.

Heal just to rebuild, but I ain’t got the time, I pop a pill.
Things been wrong for so long that I can’t even taste a meal.
Chasing thrills.
Heavy with the consciousness, maybe I am too chill.

Rolling down the steepest hill, premeditate my own will.

Is there no peace,
that can cease,
all the war,
caused by man.

Is there no peace,
that can cease,
all the violence,
caused by man.

Premeditate it,
we create it,
and in the end,
we all hate it.
We're the masters of war.

Try to deflate it,
eradicate it,
but in the end,
we still create it.
We beg for more.

We love war!
The killing of innocent civilians,
the killing of millions and millions.

War!
The taste of revenge is so sweet,
but only after you've tasted defeat.

We love war!
The sounds and the scenes,
and everything in between.

War!
Tension between mankind,
will lead to our demise.

Stop!

Look at what they represent,
look at our government.
The masters of war,
they have us begging for more.
All their lies and scams,
we have become the ******.
It's time to overthrow our government,
and show we want to represent....

Peace!

War!
War!
War!
War!
Those mother *******,
they love war!
Those mother *******,
they love war!
Those mother *******,
they love war!
Those mother *******,
they love war!
The scenes, the sounds, every bit of it all!
And every single drop of oil!
Those mother *******,
they love war!

I live in a life of winding roads that lead to grassy plains, corn fields, and many different run down homes. It is always gray and makes me feel as though I am destined for this kind of shade.  I am surrounded by the middle class who know a thing or two about unified  working community's  and this causes cool personalities to arise full of stories and surprises. Almost everyone smokes the cowboy killers and we all reside in white walled living rooms with TVs always on to pass the pass the time. Sometimes it's amazing to see what the glow from a tv looks like on someone's face in deep thoughts.
We are people who share conversations with that blessing in disguise because we have scarce options for entertainment. But lucky for me people fill that void. I people watch to see what kind of story I can achieve from just a first quick glance and impression. I drive down roads and roads of tree tunnels that lead to suburban country neighborhoods and gravel Driveways.
I Always did like how the gravel
Sounded under my boots. Simplicity is a virtue. I grew up to appreciate even though my relationship of that concepts is one of half love and half hate. Everyone has secrets that eventually unravel and everyone knows of them. I don't know if I want  to become the adventurous type and leave this boring and oh so peaceful serenity or experience life of a different kind. Is it really about where you are or who your with? This questions seems like a rhetorical paradox because they both mater and they both don't.. And I feel my gift is that I can make time with anyone. I like looking someone I knew for a while and seeing them as how they truly are. This can honestly change their physical appearance depending on what you conclude. And I love hearing peoples stories they spill out like they were waiting on that one person to ask the question I know nothing about. I like discovering those hidden crevices in people's minds and being able to correctly premeditate their preferences In various things I have no previous knowledge about. I like  seeing people open up like a split personality because there are always depths of a soul not even closest of lovers get to know. I carry these burdens on burdened shoulders of my own, but I in reality I know I couldn't have it any other way. Curiosity of others, as my mom would say with always remain I'm your heart like a constant addiction to collecting people.. Or maybe just their stories.
But I find nothing more beautifully cool then sitting and having the ability to make someone let their guard down because they have to know my intentions are good. Or else let's be honest they never would. So in this little town that doesn't know whether it's country or suburban, it allows for different colored people like me to grow up and always have a mysterious day. To see how in such a quiet place people use their time during days. And growing up with people of substance is something only a select few get to experience...

Emily A. Grande

I've got more issues
Than the daily news
You don't even know the half of it
You're so full of it
You said "last time" last time
I'm guilty until proven innocent

Everything has a shelf life
I'm ******* up left and right
Please excuse my bad taste
As I build my persona and reinvent the wheel

These are the paths we follow
These are the lives we lead
We believe in our own lies so hollow
Mesmerized by their majesty

You have allotted powers
And a cognitive prerogative
To appropriate
The procreate
We co-create
Something concrete

Awestruck by the rhetoric
And the ironic ruckus
Of the fire truck up in flames
And the destructive rumpus of the ambulance taking lives in vain

It's nature verses nurture
You're blessed with life
Premeditate
And respect your life

the contempt you must feel in your bones
you weave in and out of my life like a quiet storm
leaving all the wreckage in your wake
you must have the cruelest of intentions
to walk away, to take the net
as i tumble to the ground
out of the most
obscure cloud
in the farthest
reaches of
the heavens
such a heathen you are
twisted soul
to premeditate
the reticent confusion
you need to
get over, over and over
to think me so boorish
i would not notice the invective approach
taken
to
make me your
most unbreakable addiction

Check it,
I wreck it,
On the mic I get hectic;
I'm like a broken mirror, look, I'm bad luck reflectin.

When I'm drunk I see in two's,
I smoke the skunk to find my muse,
Lysdexic con-, I'm real -fused,
And though you have to pick and choose,
I'm both the tortoise and the hare: I never lose;
I'm real smoothe,
But I can cruise.

New thoughts,
I lay em down,
From the top,
I'm breaking ground.
Faucet runnin,
Hot new flow,
Thoughts is stunnin,
Here we go:

Preferred fuel is butane,
Lyrical spark ignites flame,
And yes my rhymes is insane,
Never premeditate game.

And here's another,
No really, you can have it for free:
We all started out white,
As a ***** turned to seed;

And my my,
How I've grown,
And turnt thoughts into gold,
Just call me new school alchemist,
My methods be fresh and untold.

Not a bad little verse,
From the old t-o-p,
Now Imma finish shapooin,
Cause I'm so fresh and so clean.

Free spirited life, held no confinements..where might you have  gone? for you have taken the key , I've searched these same walls that are closing around me, steel trap imprisoned within this mental cage. Invasions of memories my life bursted with excitement as the wings of my existence feathered and free. Vanished existence like fall leaves falling from the tree , Loneliness haunts me like a scorched asylum ,nothing remaining but gloomy stress as the feeling of confinement in gulfs my remains  i haven't the ability  left to premeditate plans  for escape  for my severity of change , once an Eagle flying free To a Finch as I go unseen , The trickery or fuckery whichever it may be,   destined to destroy what's left of me trapped in this wrenched  mental cage .
©kimmied1105

Fourscore downtime rhymes
We've heard this **** 10,000 times
A word worth saying for once, lost perception
Of the chambers of the heart correction
Hot peppers on tongue connections, still puddle reflections
The drip-drip-drop staccato beat, of heart of rain
Insane template premeditate the tempo of pierced cortex
The reflex action, muscle contraction, fight
Right overcoming light like eclipse of the sun, one & done
Then plunging into night, moths circling, sun holes
The way a nail goes head deep, pour & seep through the
pores that define the metaphors you apply
the way a nail, crushed by a hammer, pulls free
Free, like I can be, if I simply believe, in self, selfless
the hammer pulls, I have felt less
over this inebriation
But why, why, why this hesitation?
I talk in twisted rhyme, above my station
a reclamation of who I used to be
Be, and I see the exclamation point, peculiar & parallel
Folding space and my perception, to anoint
Lines spit like whole milk, the cut of pine is rougher than snake wood  
Eloquence unravels like old silk, spits cinders and
The sand in our hands counts counter clockwise
We're down the river, deep and twisting,
swatting Horseflies
A toad in his abode snacking on HORSEFLIES, unblinking
predator eyes affixed to the crossed crucifix of
called on cobwebs to untangle thought, lost
a spider with his silk cut, hollow gut
nothing caught today, arachnid love

Make me beg
Make me hurt
Make me realize what you’re worth
Split me with your double edged tongue
And tell me it’s in vain, all for fun
Never own up to the pun, leave me broken
And on the run, tail between my legs
As I chase the setting sun

What is it that we fight for?
Who do we call when we want more?
When we feel like the broke ******
Soak up the laughter, give an encore
Repress and sneak out the back door
Do we accept it as fact, OR
consider the potential that we abhor
The mundane, the day to day, the ******* questions
Along the way, try to answer, but only pray,
That someone gets it, I’m okay
What is it that made you feel this pain?
I only ask cause I’m the not the same,
But similar in some fashion
Try to fasten the loops
But the weights too much
The chairs on its side
And that chilling crunch
It begs the question
Of what you use as your crutch
What is it that holds you up?
Suspended so high
You can almost touch the sky
But someone questions why
Were you given the ability to fly
Is it something they should try
But the suns not so kind
They don’t have the right mind
Can’t see the eye to eye
They’re not ******* listening
They try to match the tone
To understand why you’re alone
With all these hands around you
Yet it feels like noones home
Your misguided, broken trust, and disheveled throne
Where’s your king at?
Announce and make my presence known
I see you peeking from the arrow slits
Think you’re slick, but I’m your favorite bit
From day one, you’ve been all over it
Soak me up, and be reborn again
This isn’t a kidnapping, it’s a stroll to the dark
Not for the heart, but that forever spark
For the light we seek, is wrapped up in the harsh
Realities we’ve lived, and ventures we’ve embarked
Not me and you, but You, and I
I see your pain, and hear your cries
And it triggers something inside
That says ‘don’t let them out of your sight’
I never was a fan of this ride
I never wanted to see your side
Never did I intend to have your soul take residence inside of mine
But here we are, so very far, down this rabbit hole
Of broken hearts, of bitter pain, and blind rage
******* let me out of this cage
I’m over the feeling of disdain
I see it coursing through your veins
And as much you want to cut me out
You’ll see me, forever, in those stains
I’ll be the chord playing on your reins
The wind directing your weathervane
And when you try to sleep at night
I’ll be the reason you’re still awake
He couldn’t hold a candle to this flame
But that’s okay
I, once, felt the same
Embodied in the senseless shame
I only wanted to cause pain
Sharp words, but I nicked my blade
Forever stuck, without my gain
I was nice, but now it’s so hard
My innocence wrapped up in this thick guard
I wanna breathe, but lungs have this heart
Weighing down so they can’t extend far
Feelings right, but left in this car
Cause the universe has a dark part
And it resides in my desire to impart
To channel the real, dimly lit spark
Directly to the center of your heart And watch it break you
For when we break
We can create
Tell yourself
That it’s just fate
But that’s a lie
This roads not paved
It’s as rough
As our hate
Make me feel
And make it real
So maybe then
I can conceal
My urge to take this world
And smash it underneath my heels
These aren’t the words I searched for
But I listen as they come forth
A voice inside of me that I’ve ignored
I feel the yearning to try and learn more
To understand what’s going on
And maybe what went wrong
Only then will I move on
But my love, it’s been too long
You’ve struck a nerve in this dark soul
Reverberate to break the stronghold
Use your picks, and nails to grab hold
Drive this stolen car, till it folds
And I’ll repay the favor, tenfold
If we make it out alive
Inhale the fumes of all we’ve destroyed
While you wear the face of someone so coy
Tune my heart to the sounds of your joy
I turn around, and it’s just a decoy
Oh, how I wanna break you from your convoy
You can’t bear to face the sun
You’d rather 180 and run
Fight for what you stand for
Down the barrel of a gun
It’s unloaded, but you wouldn’t know this
You’re too enamored in the lotus
Do re do, let’s toe to toe this
Break the chains that keep us hopeless
Let us channel the fear to focus
And make the stars envy our lux
You realize, I hope, it’s more than two *****
We are the same, it’s not just bad luck
We give and give until we shrivel up
Because we don’t understand what’s in us
It could be rage, it could be hate
It could be all the ******* pain
Could be the children that we once were
Still crying for the previous day
Hoping to find our way
Nothing could stop our fate
Short of you and that blade
And the need to segregate
Don’t make me carry you to the gates
Don’t force me to remember a date
I’ll take the words I want to write and ******* carve them into your face
The feeling that I crave
To shine the light on your grave
In which you premeditate
And watch you crumble and blow away

I say it like it’s easy
But the thought of it makes me queasy
No rungs on this ladder
I dug the hole but I’ve gotten fatter
Absorbing hearts to balance the sadness
I wish I knew how to navigate this madness
To the side I take my spoon, digging up, but I found you
Face to face, and heart to heart, I see you screaming but you’re mute
Cancelled out by roars that bleed right through
Myself and everything I do
You heard me through the storm
I’m trying to find my way back to you
Make me beg
Make me hurt
Make me realize what it’s worth
Don’t hold your thoughts as you reply
As they’re as bitter as your words
It’s not to yourself you serve
You can’t sell me an empty urn
I’ll set you aflame and watch you burn
And watch you rise and swallow the earth
The ashes as your beacon
As you treat the empty weekends
Back to the forever spark
As you embrace me as your deacon
But my powers start to weaken
As I approach my inner demons
Incorporated to the substrate
Try to navigate my love hate
But you can’t see what I can see
I live in pain, it’s a part of me
The disconnect, I’m trapped and free
Free to walk these looping streets
Dizzy from the surroundings
Of everything I’m forced to be
Gentle yet so callous
Venom fueled by malice
These words they pose a challenge
**** it, hand me the chalice

Your conflict could be explained
by the confusion in my brain
Intense desires I’ve had to tame
I never wanted this to be a game
I foresaw the amount of shame
The mountain of suicidal blame
I scream to see you there
Without any prior claim
I fear that my aim
And intentions aren’t the same
Formulate the words, but they’re taunted by the rain
There’s nothing more I crave
Than to fill an empty grave
Carry on, my dear
Nothing more to see here

In-laws outlaw's crooks not a one of us straight.
We are the ties that bind that's how we all relate.
Do you really need me to demonstrate.
All of our own problems we tend to create.
It's pretty  much our ******* fate. Quietly we contemplate
things that are unchecked and hard for us to regulate.
In our own wake
we leave everything on completely devastate.  
As our situations we continue to simply complicate.
Always the chaos it does tend to elevate
It's  getting harder and harder for me to concentrate
At least it has been as of ******* late  Isn't addiction just ******* great. Please go on and tell me I'm dying to know just how I rate.
Here is my attempt at trying to educate
all my life I did self medicate
so these feelings I could eradicate. If there are any murders you can bet I did so  meditate.
Before I ended up going ahead with the plan to premeditate.
Maybe this is something for you that I can illustrate.
The meeting of the voices in my head I facilitate.
Their murderous ideas I exonerate. That usually  sparks a huge debate. Sometimes like  ticking time bombs these voices prepare to detonate
we do not have enough religion to promote love we have just enough to hold on to hate.
The darkness inside of me I try to illuminate.
I hate to hurry up just so that I can wait.
My ego maybe I should deflate. There are things that to me they  simply irritate.
I dislike being in a state of aggravate my most cherished memories I somehow desecrate.
Myself to a cause I can't seem to dedicate
I probably have too much on my plate
more drama I do not to generate.  Ideas from the days that have already passed I reinstate.
A **** up indeed I am to this very date.

I am trying to be all I can be, all I can be is just simply me. A person so blinded by the light that they just can not see.
All my live long days I have longed to just be free.
I know that the coming of tomorrow holds no guarantee.
I bid a fond farewell to thee.
As to God in heaven I make an urgent plea
while in prayer on bended knee.
I'm getting rather tired of this fractured sense of reality.
I am inclined to violently throw a ******* from this balcony
Is it not just an absolute travesty
that I can so **** tragically
yet quite ******* callously
so *******  casually
create a **** causilty.
Isn't that a hell of a brutality. Principals before personalities
**** all the legalities.
Don't you know that these so called abnormalities
are just  formalities.
You know technicalities
some of the more traditional hospitalities
lay in wait that the eventualities
will soon give way to the  whimsicality  
of such immoralities.

In other words there are many secrets and bodies hidden in the cracks of my very moral  code. Harley crunching gravel on this old dirt road
it's time for me to lock and ******* load
ready I am to ******* explode
my story has already been pretty much been told
like laundry I know when I need to fold.
All that glitters is definitely not ******* gold.
Out of all the questions you've asked me guess how many lies I have sold. When God made me he broke the mold.
the power I have invested in myself I now behold
if we never slow the **** down then perhaps we won't ever ******* grow old.
My ride or die has already died as he rode.
I am not one easily controlled.
I am not at all  outspoken not even close to being bold
but the older I grow I am that much more corrupt I am in fact cold.
I'm off my rocker I'm in fact throwed reaping whatever I have sowed
Only ******* taking what I am actually owed.

Thick clouds I blow just because I tend to smoke pretty strong
Just like you I'm looking for the place I am meant to belong.
I am trying to keep moving right along
but at this impasse I've stood way too long
up all night staring into the Nothing while I am hitting the ****
Whoever I used to be she's already long gone
I'm animated like a cartoon I am ******* drawn
Brains over ******* brawn
I never go down before at least thr break of dawn
I'm so **** high I think I just saw a leprechaun
Would that not be some kind of supernatural phenomenon

I have to admit that I shive a ghit nor do I ******* give a ******* ****
Not in the least little ******* bit
Whatever I have going on I am trying to rise above it
Here in this **** parking lot I ******* sit
Wouldn't you ******* know I am **** sure lit
I doubt that i will ever really ******* quit
I am not a hypocrite
Nor am I counterfeit
I won't tell you not to do as I do while I am taking a hit.
Why is it this life that seems to be only fit.

I refuse to wade in a shallow pool of past regret while our shadows give chase to our silhouette. I never wish to forget how I have always pictured ourselves riding off into the sunset bullet in the pistol Russian roulette I will not let myself  get completely upset over something that hasn't even happened yet. Smoking the days last cigarette. To trails and tribulations myself  I subject perfectly imperfect versions of my former self I still protect on painful memories try as I might not to project. Collecting every single but if my self respect. Flawed I have a detectable defect. I can't seem to self reflect. Important moments intercept. I have tried to study this aspect in great depth. A loser with a lesson that should be taught notions that can't seem to be forgot.   Forgive me please I'm been thorough a lot space cadet to astronaut. I've been distraught. Over this entire onslaught. To me to **** up is to **** around and get caught. Lost deep in thought. Twisted and contorted inside of my head are the confusing feelings of dread like I am already walking  around like I am three parts dead. Red I have bled decency I feel I have not a shred this ****  disease of addiction is completely widespread awake I lay staring at the ceiling from my bed we've all been somehow misled he situations badly misread. With God's I have pled to help me turn all this dope back into Sudafed.Unchecked I've been unable to regulate all this anxiety I demonstrate. I try to help educate people about my tucked up mental state aggravate agitate abbreviate duck a bunch of hurry up just to wait I hardly ever hesitate to deactivate incriminate exacerbate inebriate tripping over issues that just don't relate isn't the throws of addiction just ******* great. My own problems I admit alone I create especially when it's harder to concentrate without going to to seemingly complicate life with the darkness I contemplate. Memories I desecrate. Alienate no hope of this pain to alleviate a **** up I am indeed to this very dare self medicate our myself half a as on sedate so these murders I will not premeditate. Self eradicate probably works better than trying to self exonerate
Characters they did assassinate.
A perfect imperfection that is being torn in More than one direction underneath my protection can't even recognize my own reflection. I will leave it to the storytellers discretion to pick out the matters more hard pressing issues that desperately need addressing investing infesting interesting depressing of all the emotions that need suppressing to be giving it all I am capable of possessing. Confessing the truth is congestion hard for digesting **** calling in just here texting its all quite perplexing.