well this was the most difficult to write... something I've never felt before..
its hard to pen it down...

everytime I sit back and think about it
it reminds me about the beautiful summer days,
children running here and there,
hand in hand we walked about on the cool grass
never did we look at each other,
it made it just like heaven
heaven I never saw before,
heaven for which I was ready to die,
heaven which had you and only you

I collect those pieces of hope
and together we build a dream
a dream on which we fly away from this world
to a world of our own

I collect those pieces of heart
and together we build life
life which helped me breathe you
to get me through each day alive

I collect those pieces of petals
and together we build a flower
flower which helps me find you
evertime I remember you

but
now I fall down
I can't find those pieces anymore,
the heaven disappears,
your thoughts die
the memories get hazzy
I see you moving away
but can't follow you
my feet have stopped
you hide behind the horizon

let me find you
help me be with you
now and forever...

I am sorry
For my imperfections
For the insane words that drip
They are not my intentions

I want to be normal
For once in my life
To not have voices
Causing my strife

Clingy and annoying
Separation issues and crazy
Bipolar and ****** tendencies
My memory is hazzy

When you don't talk
Don't respond
I tell myself to let go
But I cant

I sit quietly
Secretly wanting to slit
Open my wrists
On my lip I bit

I've bitten harshly
On my lower lip
Red liquid pours
Solid in drip

I only want love
That I know I will never receive
I cry because my barely beating heart
Is cracked more that one would believe

The only thing that shines anymore
is the way the world stops and everything comes to a hazzy crawl
when I take this poison everything that spins in circles
just doesn't hurt so much anymore,
all my friends are inside my head, and the world
just keeps getting further away, I don't mind this little cell I'm in,
at least not today.

When I find a way to escape from this mess, I just may
find myself without much of a mind anymore anyway,
I've never found the thing I've been searching for,
only found my mind in pieces and i'm still looking for the cure

You are calling
and I just keep staring
frozen
my heart resonates
to the vibration of the ringing phone.

My eyes are hazzy
My mind is fuzzy
I don't know what to say
For I fear I will make a fool of myself
leaving to end the conversation
on an awkward note.

The call ends
I breathe
to calm my nervous nerves.

I call back
only to find myself stutteringg
and being overly conscience
with every word I say
dreading to have called
as the call ends.

Mixed personalities stuck within one
You are only scared of yourself, the faithful in none
Vision getting blurred with your mind turning always
She never gets better, no thrill with her days
She craves the sight of blood, it meant control
Begging if one day she will become whole,
Cleaning and scraping the darkness gone from your sight
She could look up and see the hazzy psychedelic light
Getting out of bed is a chore of its own, like breathing
But not even herself can give her any meaning
No one can handle the weight the soul brings her
Licking her lips tasting nicotine and liquor
Her identity is faded, and she wants to lose control
Courage was foreign, and her happiness she stole
There is something that will always not be okay
And the notion of her whole body being wrong, she cannot stay
Caged but her second soul, she never had a good life
People say it is easy to turn off, but the toxicity will strife
Forever will she be confused,
Forever she will be used.

Where is the work ethic?
Wheres the workers that are energetic?
Why is the world lazy?
Its all hazzy
Wheres the hard workers?
Now there's only hookers
They just want free money
That's not how the world works honey

The sky is brushed with wisps of grey,
A dull breeze a touch out of tune,
And like a distant boat the moon
Is drifting on the horizon.

Etched clear over the dimming light
Lies a small bike; a laughing boy
Riding forward in careless joy
Into the darkness without fright.

And overhead the blackbirds cry
Where through the hazzy wintergrass
A brush of lights of fireflies pass
Like sparks of hope against the sky.