"exsistance" poems
Im tired of all the lies I hide behind, so Im Breaking the ties to the past
Long lasting present because the past is the past not a cage,
and it also isn't a theatre
So this exsistance shouldn't be staged, cause this **** ain't funny like Bellamy,
You might think I've gone mad because I'm not listening to what you're tellin' me not to,
but I got to, in order to survive, because the self inflincted wounds are healing and hardening, I'm searching for a deeper punishment,
making life more enjoyable, laid back and not so tense,
you won't have to worry about what trouble I might be in next,
and you won't have to be burdened with disappointment when I fail your tests.
So I'll play this life like a game of spades,
by the time this game is over, my stomach will be corroded with rage
but I'll keep a pokerface,
hidden behind stoner charm, a smile,
a handsome face & tinted shades,
I know you're clearly blind to my bluffing,
and I know you see me today,
but my eyes are set on the worries of tomarrow and
my mind is still wincing from yesterdays sarrow
I'm alive but I'm dying inside
because the guilt and shame are smothering me,
not to mention I'm choking on regret,
Don't fret, because my face isn't turnin' blue, and my pulse isn't speeding up,
but my wrists are scarred, but not ******
and please don't worry because this won't happen agian,
not making any promises,
Lord please forgive me for I know that I have sinned,
I just needed some proof to remind me where I've been....
Oct 5, 2012
Oct 5, 2012 at 4:33 PM UTC
They’re close,
Getting closer.
About to break free.
About to cross from,
A different realm of exsistance.
Few can see them.
The ones that do are ridiculed.
Everyone can see them.
I only see my own.
So many,
I still feel lonely.
I see my demons
Can you see yours?
Dec 20, 2018
Dec 20, 2018 at 9:04 AM UTC
My paradise is a field of sunflowers,
surrounding me as the sun shines it's rays on me.
My paradise is the non-exsistance of starving, abused, and neglected animals.
My paradise is the focus of equality in every aspect of life;
marriage, *** race, politics, the rich, the poor. EVERYTHING.
My paradise is the end of ****** and ****
suicide and stealing.
My paradise is the death of depression, illness,
addictions, and loneliness.
My paradise is the elimination of judgement,
of bullying, of disrespect.
My paradise is so out of reach. It does not have to be, but it is. This paradise will stay in my dreams, I fear, until my departure from this earth.
Mar 27, 2013
Mar 27, 2013 at 9:25 AM UTC
its been two long years since you were released
but know in my heart i could never blaime you in the least
we were a tourchured family to never find love
but this is what either dreams or hate can be made of
even when i saw your eyes roll back and the blood on the knife with your marijuana pipe so black from the residue packed
you cut till your arms were just red
then smoked enough to leave a teenage stoner in bed
i dont blaime you for either, you were hurt and you needa cope
but was tradeing the love of your ******* son worth that ****
you were my mother, supposed to hold and love me
but i found myself being yelled at thinking im just unlucky
still i guess i could of looked for love from my father
but he was to busy showing love to his two daughters
i was to dumb, couldnt sing a song, to him i ddnt belong
so you ignored my exsistance for many long years till it braught me to tears
but where are we now after i lived a long 18 years
dad look your oldest daughter left and your youngest you only hear hate underneath the tone of her breath
so i guess im all you have left to bail you out this mess you left
so now to watch over these two as if they were as delicate as children, they have only me to watch over them as my mom bleeds and my dad cant breath the weight of debt needs to be repaid i dont know what else but you will regret how you treated me when im gone one day
momma maybye i just want you to stop with the drugs
looking everywhere just trying to find a buzz
till you look at your son amd forgot who he was
tired of goin to bed everynight to never sleep
keeping one eye open in case i have to call n emt
nearly watched you die remember that moment and i still ****** cry
so i lay with a knife to my throat livin a lie knowing i jus wanna die
so this is my last birthday song remember when i saw love in your eyes now im jus tryin to get by
Nov 28, 2013
Nov 28, 2013 at 8:31 PM UTC
Alone
Lost and forgotten
I carry on
Throughout my life
Wandering
Hoping to find
Meaning
Of my meaningless exsistance.
For months
I thought of things
Reasons
No more excuses really
As to why
What did I do to you
And the answer never appears
So why do I even bother
Holding onto something
That at the time
Felt so good
So right
And for what
Just to be cast
Into the darkest
Recesses of this wretched life
By those closest to me
What will it take?
What do you want?
Tell me...
Or am I just a fleeting memory
I know I mean nothing now
I knew it from the start
My mind has fallen victim
To sweet
And empty
Promises
The grounds
Have been defiled
With lies
Wrath
Envy
Lust
Disloyalty
To where it has no room
For honor
So I walk alone
In this life
With nowhere in mind
For you see
All I ever was and ever will be
Is Forsakened.
Aug 24, 2012
Aug 24, 2012 at 10:41 PM UTC
Silhouettes of perfection
mirrored in the moon's reflection
As they dance across the plain.
Sheets of grass are crisp with dew
From the condensation
caused by the concentration
of their gaze.
Blind to the life they draw
they are stopped only by thunderous applause
from the voyeurs of their strain
Horns shattering the silence of an intimate exchange.
Excited by the very motion of the living.
The color of their exsistance change.
Any misgiving and the other will find where fury preys.
Nov 24, 2012
Nov 24, 2012 at 2:35 AM UTC
It was on this day years ago..
That a piece of me began..
lived 30 years of my Exsistance..
before I ever was created..
Learning Lessons that would guide me
making decisions that would mold me..
You straight A! Bowling Queen
You Drama Class, Afro swag
Making memories for bed time stories
Reminding me of my history
The pieces my genes reenacted
that I just couldn't seem to recall
The muse of my creation
she who place life into this world
Strongest thing I've ever seen..
Before I could understand a thing..
Thank you for your amazingness
your gentle heart and friendliness
I would never be a piece of me
If you never were All you could ever be!!
Happy Birthday Momma!!!
Oct 30, 2013
Oct 30, 2013 at 2:21 PM UTC
So she is called
Angel of silence
Always watching
What others do
Not saying anything
Walking among humans
Always shrouded in darkness
Her eyes barely readable
To those who knew of her exsistance
People feared
What they would find
So they never spoke to her
When the time came
However
People did not dare
Approach her
For she had seen their life
Weither she deemed them worthy
Of continuing to draw breath
She did not care
Angel of silence
She was dubbed
But more effective name
The Angel of Death
For your life may be next
To end on this final day
Good luck in life
I hope you see
You will end up facing
Evangelium de Silenti
Aug 7, 2012
Aug 7, 2012 at 1:00 AM UTC
To think we are our own worst enemies!
satan unto self; individual natures!,
that would die unto each other-
the living matter of annihilation?
casting extinction alternate to exsistance,
parallel of duality.
Perverse animals, the ultimatum of creatures!...
subject beings, suckling
on eternities infinity!.
ELEETE J MUIR
Jan 14, 2014
Jan 14, 2014 at 10:16 PM UTC
I drift around all alone passing through lives, hoping to make a difference in mine, but pushing for a difference in you...
All I do is float around in exsistance...never truly living, feeling, or being...just hovering over waiting to be fluttered away...
Hoping i will be drifted into the right life...the One...
I float...nothing there for me but air...i drift away...
Alone...
Dec 15, 2011
Dec 15, 2011 at 11:48 PM UTC
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Sep 26, 2016
Sep 26, 2016 at 7:52 AM UTC
fairy-tales, i blame my UN-satisfaction on fairy-tales
bright fancy color mixed with glitter dust and smiles hiding behind innocence was the perfect idea of exsistance engraved on my child like mind ensuring i will always strive for that level of perfection and when unattained i will turn on myself in viciousness known only by cannibalist
who is to say in this world filled with endless illusion and unrealistic drama that the life i lead is unperfect and not as good as it will ever get
Jul 10, 2013
Jul 10, 2013 at 4:43 AM UTC
you may permit me in
we make exotic dishes of laughter and shared values
over talk of philosophic rapport
childish banter
and gestures of tender philanthropy on each finger tip
on every pressed lip
but you wont give me a key
though it's where I live
this is my home, you've made it so, just for me
you showed me in
you courteously carried my persona into your door
you do me the greatest of services
those that would make any soul well-lived
if I removed any trace of my exsistance you would despair
as you have
but you refuse to give me a key
and without it, it makes it as though you dont really,
actually,
want me
and what most anguishes my mind
is that I always gingerly close the door from the outside
if it werent for my soft touch, and attentive eyes
I'd have reason to believe that something is wrong with me
or my love
when, seemingly, it was made to our advantage
I do the best to support your virtues
and those that disturb the peace
This is where my belongings know their place
This is my home
where I linger after I wake
where I loose myself in the silence
where I drink myself into a stuppor
because my lover wont give me a key
You leave me broken up
but you gather my peaces by light of kindness
You don't understand, I'm hitting a wall
I'm hitting your good heart
your good, muddled, heart
I'm hitting a wall
a hard hard evaluation
of a disturbing
heart-to-heart
of which I never learned of
May 20, 2013
May 20, 2013 at 5:10 PM UTC
*Wading through life upon broken glass, blood pours through the lost parts of my body
Dreams invading my physical exsistance while trapped in an out of body experience
Weight crushes hopes that wish to be born, leaving behind a corpse that will never know
Alone is my companion, my only livelihood, guiding me into the darkness that surrounds my soul
I may only see through soiled eyes, seeing the darkness light before my conclusion
Standing before my final fate, there is no fear, the dark lord harbours my destiny into eternal flames*
Jul 16, 2015
Jul 16, 2015 at 7:49 PM UTC
I was your lover, i was your voice.
In the garden where god had made the most beautiful flower you were found.
The ocean springs and the birds that dwelt there could you have heard them?
In the darkness amid, that was filled so brightly with moonlight did you notice my exsistance?
That day when i cried, when i thought i had lost my dignity, you made me smile and brought me to this day.
This day where all the sorrows from the past seem like a dream,
Like a leaf that just flys past by with no significance, no purpose.
Aug 29, 2012
Aug 29, 2012 at 9:41 PM UTC
I'm growing distant from myself
As if the simplistic notion of happiness
Is the ocean spread between emotions
And I am but a ship,
Adrift.
I'm surrounded on all sides
By water that I can not drink.
Why is it that smiling is so
So unbearably difficult?
I know how to force a smile
Why do I have no desire,
No ambition.
Why am I struggling so **** hard?
Is there really a light at the end?
Or did I think that into exsistance?
I'm a ship
And I'm not sinking,
I'm just adrift.
Adrift isn't what I want
My sails are lowered
So where in the blazes
Is the southern wind
to push my ship
And the corners of my mouth
North?
Jun 19, 2015
Jun 19, 2015 at 9:50 AM UTC
take this desease from inside my mind
take me back into your womb
and this time, please try, try, try, and want me
just that, have a happy little chap
the kind of baby people clap
they smile and say, isnt he lovely, special
in his own kind of way
a bundle of joy, not a toy
to be discarded at birth, to be put last not first
not a thing, i am not a thing
i am something that grew within
you, you, you, you
i hate you, i hate you, i hate you
i am sorry, i am so sorry for being me
sorry for not being pleased
sorry for all the **** and what comes with it
for all the false hope i couldnt cope, with
for the person i am, the boy, the man
the life thats a shamb
sorry for the whole ******* mess
for causing you such distress
i hate you, i hate you, i love you
i am sorry for crying blood red tears
crying, slowly dying, showing cowardly fear
i just want you near, close to me
keeping me safe, the way its supposed to be
not darkness, ******* endless anxiety
i hate you, i hate them, i hate false friends
i hate the people that pretend
their life isnt **** and get away with it
i hate it when, the pain never goes away
i hate you because you never say
those three little ******* words
i love you, i love you, i love you
how hard can it be mother
would you prefer me to smother
in this **** i call a life, an exsistance
one step away from an injection in my vein
just something to ease the pain
i hate you , i need you
i hate thats its true
i hate that you left me on the shelf
but most of all i hate myself
Jun 6, 2014
Jun 6, 2014 at 6:06 AM UTC
The only thing I felt today
Was the burn of the suns radiance on my legs,
The only salvation was the light
Cracklings of my last ciggerette.
I watch the letters smolder brown to black.
Blackness flaking off of smokes back.
Dancing off in it's bittersweet serenade
I've succumbed to what exsistance I have made
I only wish to walk in the footsteps
In the last of my happiness.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 5:46 PM UTC
Feeling alone , hurt depressed what a woman to do, feel like death warmed up, feel like life has no meaning, tired of being the good person, tired of being me , tired of life itself tired of everything
Time to lay my head down in peace as life has no meaning, what's the point, everyone seems to ignore me, friends have seemed to have dissapeared, family is to busy to say 'hello how are you, what's worth continueing if there is no point in exsistance, its just to much.
Time to move on to the other side maybe life would be better there.
Life what a dissapointment.
Mar 3, 2016
Mar 3, 2016 at 4:29 AM UTC
Staring into an empty space filled
With wonder
That reaches for the
Moon
With an absent
Ground
Laughing at depressions
Dismay of shattered
Dreams doomed
By suicidal
Thoughts
And
Sleepless nights
Loving the one's who
Abandoned
Your exsistance
Each exhausting day
Is harder to get through
Then the one before
Yet you do it all over
Again
Because who else
Will
Giving credit to your
Biological makers
Who raised your
Downfall
And encouraged your
Feelings of inadequacy
Missing pieces of a broken
Home are all you
Have
Left
To carry to your
Grave
Somehow missing the
Point of why
Your
Were
Here
Apr 19, 2016
Apr 19, 2016 at 6:43 PM UTC
I want to explore you dreams
I want to see your world from the inside.
I want to know what drives your thoughts
And relish in the change
My world may be much different from yours, I've never seen where you are,
You Might enjoy, where I know so well, that things go as they come.
I want to explore, I crave to know entirely what makes you "you", and not me.
This guessing pleasantly torments my will to feel exactly as you do.
I don't care for structure, its far to predictable
Show what "crazy" you hide for fear of judgment.
I clench my teeth and widen eyes attempting to peer inside.
Your gaze notes the heightening "madness" you've felt as i **** your unconscious exsistance.
You sleep, i stare, no harm comes to you. Just a feeling of uneasiness as I long to invade you.
I want to explore your dreams. I want to know what makes you "not me".
Jul 17, 2014
Jul 17, 2014 at 10:19 PM UTC
The theme to Jepoardy
No longer rings
All around my 3D exsistance
Because I am not
In Jepoardy
Of falling in love
With you
Aug 11, 2013
Aug 11, 2013 at 11:17 PM UTC
Someday you will die
Every mistake you have made will be insignificant
As will your acomplishments
The universe will not stop turning
All because your heart stopped beating
However
The place where your body rests will sprout flowers
And the universe will reward your life with beauty
Because you survived through an exsistance of ugly
And that is significant
Jun 11, 2014
Jun 11, 2014 at 7:00 PM UTC
*Selfishness is such a root evil
It offers no
Security
Only undeserved punishment
Many nights lying in bed
Crying yourself to
Sleep
While the other sits high
On a 14 carrot gold
Thrown
Tossing bread crumbs your
Way with
Haste
Your life such a dreadful
Mess
Left confused and searching for some
Abandoned truth
There is no such thing
Anymore
Pouring your heart into a glass
Already filled
With rage
Just in time for
Your
Arrival
Living a shallow exsistance
Never able to please
The
Piper
Only to suffer more relentless
Hell bent
Crucifixion
At the hand of the one
Who's
Perfect
The sun doesn't exist
In hell
Only deep pitted flames to cast
Pain in the greatest
Glory
Of the one
Who loved with no
Convictions
Erasing laughter and
Casting
Tears
Upon the queen you
Chose
Lacing the air with nails that pierce the
Lucky
Recipient
And the blood shall
Pour
Onto the shallow
Grave you call
Home*
Feb 3, 2016
Feb 3, 2016 at 8:22 AM UTC
I need you.
Here.
Now.
I crave your exsistance.
Desperate for change,
Yet I need things to stay the same.
I want to hear your voice,
Because the ones in my head
Are gaining control.
Leaving me vulnerable.
"Quit."
They say.
But I can't.
I'm afraid.
Afraid of what's to come,
And somewhat afraid of you.
Because you know me.
You know everything.
Every secret.
Every thought I think but never say aloud...you know.
It scares me, because you may understand me more than I understand myself.
- A.M.
Dec 4, 2014
Dec 4, 2014 at 8:00 AM UTC