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LeRoy Williams Oct 2012
Im tired of all the lies I hide behind, so Im Breaking the ties to the past
Long lasting present because the past is the past not a cage,
and it also isn't a theatre
So this exsistance shouldn't be staged, cause this **** ain't funny like Bellamy,

You might think I've gone mad because I'm not listening to what you're tellin' me not to,
but I got to, in order to survive, because the self inflincted wounds are healing and hardening,  I'm searching for a deeper punishment,
making life more enjoyable, laid back and not so tense,
you won't have to worry about what trouble I might be in next,
and you won't have to be burdened with disappointment when I fail your tests.
So I'll play this life like a game of spades,
by the time this game is over, my stomach will be corroded with rage
but I'll  keep a pokerface,
hidden behind stoner charm, a smile,
a handsome face & tinted shades,
I know you're clearly blind to my bluffing,
and I know you see me today,
but my eyes are set on the worries of tomarrow and
my mind is still wincing from yesterdays sarrow
I'm alive but I'm dying inside
because the guilt and shame are smothering me,
not to mention I'm choking on regret,
Don't fret, because my face isn't turnin' blue, and my pulse isn't speeding up,
but my wrists are scarred, but not ******,
and please don't worry because this won't happen agian,
not making any promises,
Lord please forgive me for I know that I have sinned,
I just needed some proof to remind me where I've been....
© Copyright Williamz 2013. All rights reserved.
s Willow Dec 2018
They’re close,
Getting closer.
About to break free.
About to cross from,
A different realm of exsistance.
Few can see them.
The ones that do are ridiculed.
Everyone can see them.
I only see my own.
So many,
I still feel lonely.
I see my demons
Can you see yours?
innerThought Sep 2016
01110111 01101000 01101111 00100000 01100001 01101101 00100000 01101001 00111111
01110111 01101000 01101111 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00111111
01100001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110000 01110000 01100101 01101110 01101001 01100111 00111111
the matrix? or just binary code?
My paradise is a field of sunflowers,
surrounding me as the sun shines it's rays on me.
My paradise is the non-exsistance of starving, abused, and neglected animals.
My paradise is the focus of equality in every aspect of life;
marriage, ***, race, politics, the rich, the poor. EVERYTHING.
My paradise is the end of ****** and ****,
suicide and stealing.
My paradise is the death of depression, illness,
addictions, and loneliness.
My paradise is the elimination of judgement,
of bullying, of disrespect.

My paradise is so out of reach. It does not have to be, but it is.  This paradise will stay in my dreams, I fear, until my departure from this earth.
Dennis Scherle Nov 2013
its been two long years since you were released
but know in my heart i could never blaime you in the least
we were a tourchured family to never find love
but this is what either dreams or hate can be made of

even when i saw your eyes roll back and the blood on the knife with your marijuana pipe so black from the residue packed
you cut till your arms were just red
then smoked enough to leave a teenage stoner in bed

i dont blaime you for either, you were hurt and you needa cope
but was tradeing the love of your ******* son worth that ****
you were my mother, supposed to hold and love me
but i found myself being yelled at thinking im just unlucky

still i guess i could of looked for love from my father
but he was to busy showing love to his two daughters
i was to dumb, couldnt sing a song, to him i ddnt belong
so you ignored my exsistance for many long years till it braught me to tears

but where are we now after i lived a long 18 years
dad look your oldest daughter left and your youngest you only hear hate underneath the tone of her breath
so i guess im all you have left to bail you out this mess you left

so now to watch over these two as if they were as delicate as children, they have only me to watch over them as my  mom bleeds and my dad cant breath the weight of debt needs to be repaid i dont know what else but you will regret how you treated me when im gone one day

momma maybye i just want you to stop with the drugs

looking everywhere just trying to find a buzz

till you look at your son amd forgot who he was

tired of goin to bed everynight to never sleep

keeping one eye open in case i have to call n emt

nearly watched you die remember that moment and i still ****** cry

so i lay with a knife to my throat livin a lie knowing i jus wanna die

so this is my last birthday song remember when i saw love in your eyes now im jus tryin to get by
Semerian Perez Aug 2012
Alone
Lost and forgotten
I carry on
Throughout my life
Wandering
Hoping to find
Meaning
Of my meaningless exsistance.

For months
I thought of things
Reasons
No more excuses really
As to why
What did I do to you
And the answer never appears
So why do I even bother

Holding onto something
That at the time
Felt so good
So right
And for what
Just to be cast
Into the darkest
Recesses of this wretched life
By those closest to me

What will it take?
What do you want?
Tell me...
Or am I just a fleeting memory

I know I mean nothing now
I knew it from the start
My mind has fallen victim
To sweet
And empty
Promises
The grounds
Have been defiled
With lies
Wrath
Envy
Lust
Disloyalty
To where it has no room
For honor

So I walk alone
In this life
With nowhere in mind
For you see
All I ever was and ever will be
Is Forsakened.
Timothy Brown Nov 2012
Silhouettes of perfection
mirrored in the moon's reflection
As they dance across the plain.

Sheets of grass are crisp with dew
From the condensation
caused by the concentration
of their gaze.

Blind to the life they draw
they are stopped only by thunderous applause
from the voyeurs of their strain

Horns shattering the silence of an intimate exchange.
Excited by the very motion of the living.
The color of their exsistance change.
Any misgiving and the other will find where fury preys.
© November 24th, 2012 by Timothy R brown. All rights reserved.
Quentin Briscoe Oct 2013
It was on this day years ago..
That a piece of me began..
lived 30 years of my Exsistance..
before I ever was created..

Learning Lessons that would guide me
making decisions that would mold me..
You straight A! Bowling Queen
You Drama Class, Afro swag

Making memories for bed time stories
Reminding me of my history
The pieces my genes reenacted
that I just couldn't seem to recall

The muse of my creation
she who place life into this world
Strongest thing I've ever seen..
Before I could understand a thing..

Thank you for your amazingness
your gentle heart and friendliness
I would never be a piece of me
If you never were All you could ever be!!

Happy Birthday Momma!!!
Michella Batts Feb 2013
If I ever had a kid,
I would tell them stories.

If I ever had a kid I would tell them of my mother,
my father,
and the loving family we had that fell in the *** holes of the long winding roads.
How I came to grow up
alone
but never by myself.
How i got to take care of the loving mother I had.
She needed the help and I did so.

Of the lake i swam in
never going farther than I could;
my grandfather's living spirt
pulling back to shore
and
keeping me safe from the untold creatures
lurking far under me
waiting to strike up.

How a father stepped in and out of my life
every month,
every hour,
and every other weekend.
I never got them back.
I never got him back.

A house ever changing
anger ever present,
resentment,
hatred,
never ending pain of not exsisting
when right in front of the man who is supposed to know you are there.

I would tell them of every summer
spent in a different world.
The world of adults.
Life slowed to a heat dazed crawl
nights spent in a haze
dazed
high on life
that wasn't my own
living as a different person
one who danced with swords in the rain
with electric lights
Daft Punk and coffee
smiles and lies
stolen hats
stolen memories
always remembered.

If I ever had a kid,
I would tell them of a brother
who loved me,
hated me,
supported me,
killed me and brought me back
only to **** me once again.
An ever changing persona of who i could be,
who I should be,
and who I will never be again.
The things we talked about
that I could never tell,
other than a kid,
who would understand the meaning of its imaganitive exsistance.
as I did
when I was a kid.

I would tell them of my loves.
How much they meant to me.
How they hurt when I left them.
How I learned to love better because of them
and how through the pain of my mistakes
I lost a family,
gained them back,
lost myself and wished it back,
and loved.
A military man
A lumber jack
A theater geek
A sountherner
A northener
A shade
and all the other loves in between.

I would tell them of my friends
the stories we made together
of magic,
and science,
and mysticsm.
Dungoens
Dragons
Wizards
Rouges
A bard
the story teller
the Dungeon Master
Ajani's Vengence
his pride mate
An ageless entity that gained my life and gave it back with each deadly strike
rendered by titanic ultimatums
a surprise attack
never ending how I wished
for it was expected by my masters
and teachers
but not by the underlings I chased after.

They would know the story of a moonbeam.
Her never ending starshine.
The lights they wove together in the dark of night
during the witching hours of peace
and secrets untold
but understood
when unspoken.
How the moon chased its star
the star chased it back
and neither won
nor caught the other
but remained in the tormenting cycle
that was their life.
shared
seperated
and forever together
through a bond unbreakable
by time
space
love
hate
pain
joy
and life lived in the moment.

If I ever had a kid
they would live to never understand me.
my life
the things I went through,
the things I knew but should have never learned,
just as I couldn't with mine.
As I never will with my mother
or father
my brother
my sister.
Our lives seperated by an unchanging opinoin
always wrong
always right
and never accepting of the others.

For they did the same when they had a kid.
As I would if I ever had a kid
trying to teach lessons
experiencing the learning moments
the advice that went in one ear
out the other
and fell in the *** hole on the same winding road my family ended up on.
How I could never see
through their pain
a life they tried to better for me.
How my eyes
20/20
20/80
would never be strong enough
to see past the unreal
to what was right in front of me.
Love that went untouched for so long

If I ever have a kid
I would tell them how it all came back to me.
When my father stepped back in
as the others finally walked out
and
only one came back.
How my mother finally had the health to be happy
How my sister
gave me everything
that i tried to give her.
How my brother didn't except me
and i excepted that
finally
letting go .

They would know
how one dream
of amnesia
brought back the me that died
so long ago
when I choose my heart
over the one's who had put the heart there in the first place.

They will marvel,
they will hate,
and they will learn to love all the stories
both true
and fiction
that was me
and may they learn
as I did.

For if I never have a kid
then my mortality is gone
for what is our lives
without those to forever remember
as we sail out on our voyage
to steal the great ship of Bassette.
and sail to the world of peice we earn.
Once our future
understands our past
mandy klein Nov 2016
INTRO

What happens beyond the realms of  reasoning, where do the lines of  reality blur, How close are the boundaries between light and dark, between dusk and dawn.
  What takes us beyond the thresh hold, the point of  sunlight and shadows, Are  we lying in wait as our limitations are questioned? How many souls have been taken unwillingly to the depths .
         Fall into a place, this chaos which so quickly crept into me, slipping away bringing me back to thoughts of sanity.
  But tainted thoughts stain what innocence is left, making me vulnarble and weak.
  Corruption is tempting you to just give into its wicked ways, influenced by bad habits unable to be dealt with, your surccumed to the sins.
  Such problems now swallow you entirely. There is no cure to this disease, I'm fighting and pondering a hopeless battle, I see no victory for me in the end.
  I will never win, I fear and know this now.

CHAPTER ONE

After the silence entered me,got inside rmy head  ,the lack of sound drowned out all the outside noise . Oh so quiet my world became,except for a suttle  humming,buzzing which echoed in my ears, I could only make it cease with the voices in my mind,my thoughts which I could now hear, and I heard them loud and clear. I heard fear, panic,uncertainty, so many questions I had no answers for.  I told myself its just this happens,maybe its just age,it won't last, this silence won't last,right. Yet another voice told me that something has gone terribly wrong here,and that this is only the begging of my end.  Along came the silence with it then came isolation, one by one everyone I loved let me and has not yet came back. Not even strangers met my path, instead I came across loneliness who now won't leave my side, all alone left to deal with me by myself.

CHAPTER TWO


It didn't take much time until the whispers began at first they only came with dusk,the end of day,when the sun sets taking the light from the world. The sky dims ,lower and lower until all is covered with a blanket of darkness. Shadows creep in slowly cascading across my walls, they remind me that something wicked this way comes,the essence of dread is in the air. An unsettling aura keeps me from sleep, as night falls my eyes grow heavy and my mind is so tattered. Yet slumber eludes me for the fear is much stronger. I lye  awake yet another night. Up until yesterday only an unwelcoming silence suffocated me made my emptiness almost unbearable. Then,well then it was broken, in the 2am hour, a whisper entered my dreamless conscience mind,from no distinct place and yet from every direction both at once

CHAPTER THREE

With such length of time now with deaf ears, I instantly noticed the change of frequencies, though it spoke in a low,low pitch normally it would go unheard or simply mistaken as a gust of wind. But lying there uneasy amounst the darkness of solitude,lacking of sleep and being not of sound mind by this point, I had begun to speak my thoughts aloud, answering my own questions, listening to my own voice somehow gave me comfort when nothing else could. Whispers,quiet whispers echo into the night, for my ears only. I can't clearly understand what they tell me, but the tones of each word gave
off a unsettling undertones that sent chills through me, if only I could understand, but  my  translation of these whispers are inaudible, pinned down by a fear that I'm sinking in slowly,like quicksand,its slowing pulling me under. A catatonic scream paralyzes every part of me, and I can't stop this, this downward spiral into madness. A descent into insanity, I feel myself growing weaker as my mind struggles against  chaos and the discontent , my dreams are dying before my eyes that will not close so I might rest, no no lately the days have brought me only misery,and a question of my faith, it will not give me a moment of ease cause every night has been just the same

CHAPTER FOUR

Why is this happening to me, why won't this just stop, and let me be, this hope fades the longer I live this way, won't somebody come save me, I'm wasting away and I have no control , my will is broken now. How did I not see this coming, something wicked this way comes, it comes for my soul, every peice of me turns black, and it hurts until I'm numb, A sudden suffer rips over me just before dawn, I  understood the  whisperes after all ,go adead just give in, suffocation is near, taken into a sea of self despair, this life you live and breath isn't yours any longer, step by step you will stumble, until you fall, until your empty and hollow.  Where can I go, where will I run, when there's nowhere to hide, nowhere at all. I thought i saw a glimpse of the mourning sun before I fainted from the weight of realizing that I am far from the better days ,tomorrow will lead me further, is this real, or I'm I only dreaming, is this reality or have I imagined all of this, I just don't know these days, time laughs in my face, and I sit silent and still. Watching myself fall,and fall and fall

CHAPTER FIVE

  Down in the dark, an endless night, keeps away the sunshine, cause lately I've been stuck in the shade, wishing for brighter days that are so faintly seen in the distance, I fear none of my wishes will be granted, now many of will be destroyed. I can not change this spiral into extinction, helplessly I watch myself stumbling, crumbling, and slowly coming apart.
  As I live and breath, I see my life wasting away.
Choking on what is yet to come, everyday brings me another dose of misery and a lothing ache that spreads thru me , suffocation is draining me from the inside out, What is pain, I can't scream loud enough to express what has taken ahold of me these days
  All this crept in on me like a cloud, why me I keep asking myself, won't this just go away, won't this just let me be, did I deserve this, well did i , nobody should ever know these wicked ways and all the inflict upon your soul.

CHAPTER 6

Y So with my mind a mess so much so that my consintration strains each thought, I can barely function anymore, and sleep depervation blurs my vision,ive been seeing traces and objects that aren't really there. Plus add the pain, loneliness, and total breakdown of my will, the stress is more then I can handle, I bear a heavy burden, and the weight is crushing me, but what can I do, nothing, I can't run far enough,or hide where I can't be found, please save my soul I whisper aloud, to late the damage is done, this is how I will die, surcombed to a bittersweet end, one day at a time. Now adrift into the void that swallows me up ,and a darkness dissolved another
day

CHAPTER 7

Within a few days I have managed to lose everything, All I am, all I gave and all I  made of this life, Step by step I watched it taken from my grasp, I saw what I worked so hard for be stolen, so easily from me. Peice by price my very exsistance was shattering , All this has torn my world whole apart,  it is being taken out from right underneath my feet.
   Ya I've been experiencing some real trials and tribulations ,they say life isn't easy  but they don't go into depths of how ****** up it can be, or how far down you can fall without any warnings or signs that you didn't realize until it was to late and the damage has been done.  Oh no I've heard some really messed up stories about some of the **** some people have lived thru. But in my personal opinion my life started 2 days ago and it this life of mine since then has been slowly deterating,

CHAPTER 8

ya I'm a sad sort who isn't alive in a sense but instead a slipping mindless  lost soul, that has nothing to look forward to because tomorrow isn't going to be any better and it never will.
    When the sun rises up from the darkness  bringing you Into another morning your wishing harder and harder wouldn't come. That just one night would be your last and you wouldn't take another breath of the morning air. Why oh why can't you just fade out with the darkness,  why oh why can't these misfourtonate events of lately end, I just want everything to just end. And if you Were in my shoes I know for certain you would feel the same way as I do now.


CHAPTER 9

Y … Well I can not express these emotions that have, but they are intensely surging inside me. And I only wish I could share my pain, if only there was someone besides myself to share what I'm going through. It would make it a little easier, well probably not but at least someone else would understand,to feel what I do right now.
So it may seem like I'm droning on and on, Im probably not telling my story so anyone can make sense of it.
  So sorry if I haven't made sense or if I've told this scattered all about.  My thoughts aren't as sharp or clear as they were before this nightmare started, a few short no make that long,long days ago.

Chapter 10

YThis verse keeps repeating in the back of my mind, kinda like a
  song you  hear somewhere but your not sure where, and can't get outta your head ,you find yourself humming it subconsciously ,and this is whats stuck in mine.
  Here I am, Here in this place, Here in this state,Here I am a nowhere Wonderer.
  This is me, This is all of me, This is what I've become, This is who you see now, LA LA LA LA
  I hum this melancholy tune as sappy as it may be,all day long from morning to evening, 24 hours,no 48 hrs. , no 64 hrs. now. I guess I've lost count but it seems that there's been a broken record placed someplace inside my head.

chapter 11

YSo this brings me back to the present hour.  And once again, yet one more day which hasnt let up on any of torment continuing to be inflicted upon my mind, body and soul. I struggled through the sunlight until the moonlight shone down upon me.
  Naturally I find myself lying silent and still, insomnia plagues my weairy self , drained of any motivation. I really couldn't move or accomplish a single thing, I felt frozen inside myself, trapped in a almost vegetable state.
      Dropped in the velvet shroud of darkness, night has placed a veil over the land, and it has me in its embrass but instead of a calming drowsiness as  all others are effected, I instead have an allergic reaction.  For sleep will not come to my tired restless soul, not when fear enters the mind and stirs up the worst of thoughts, how can I relax with such horrible not stations.
      

Chapter 12

T  Here I am starring into the air as the clock marks 3 in the am hour.  I almost thought I might or that I could catch a few zzzzz's, a quick cat nap to recooperate,to regenerate my mind,oh yes my mind in such a desperate need of rest. As well as my body, my sore,aching bones, im throbing all the way to my very core. So when I felt at ease for how ever brief a moment it may last I willed sleep to come, sandman bring me to the land of nod, please oh please.
  But of course as I shouldn't of expected much less, I blinked and my moment was gone, once more I wouldn't dream,wouldn't sleep, wouldn't find slumber or any escape from my new found reality,
In a land far far away, fantasy and make beleive are put on pause cause my presence has been marked absent

Chapter 13

   They started in a low low  tone, the whispers.
Whisper,whisper,whisper, ascending louder with each tick tock of the clocks hands, clockwise,round and round the clocks face marking time, reminding me my life grows shorter with each tick and each tock.
  Ya t-i-m-e isn't on my side, oh no its not, but it makes me feel lm gonna die, and I'll keep running back, yes I'll keep running back.  Ya I can't stop even if I tried. N-o-o-o time isn't on my side, and that's a brutal fact.
Hhiisss, hiss, blahblahblah,yaddayaddayadda, mumbles of the incoherent voices, the voices I guess if that's what you want to call them, these whispers calling out to me, relentlessly tearing me down , thru all the twilight hours
of the night.
   With the morning dawn,  the whispers grow quite once more, disapating with the dark skies.
  Im conflicted by the sight of the sun rising, not sure if I welcome the light of day or curse another day I find myself in it.
  For one daybreak ends the whispers which I'm sssooo thankful for, but yet its another day I have to deal with the misery and pain that seems to intensify with every day that comes and gos and comes back for another round.
  
  

chapter 14


  I got a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror today and I almost didn't recognize the stranger staring back at me me face had changed, my cheeks where sunken in, I didn't notice how much weight I had lost, but I guess I hadn't eaten a thing for days I just had no appetite the thought of food made me nausious, so I went without.
  And my eyes they looked so vacant my pupils where so dialated like eyes gone black, to match the deep darkened circles under them.
Just a glance and you could tell ive been neglecting my health, I looked pretty banged up, a real mess. I didn't dare look to long cause my appearance made me sick to my stomach, in only  3 days going on 4 I seemed to have aged 10 years, and the deeping lines on my face showed it.
Oh what a sorry sight I am, and I'm glad no one will see me this way, even if someone did I had a feeling they wouldn't even care. I let out a depressing sigh I am damaged goods now, this black cloud that hangs over me has made sure to push and shove everything I had, all that I loved. Took my life right out of my hands and crushed it, so that piece by price my life wasn't my own anymore, I had nothing to link me to the life I once knew. Why me, I don't think I'll ever know. But what a tangled web they've wooven for me, and on that note I let out another mournful sigh.
  

Chapter 15

YSo I push and shove well corruption bends my will, no matter what I do I can not make it still. Instead Im inflicted with a disease that there is known cure for, my diagnosis is a fatal one with a slim chance to nil that I'm gonna go into remission and win,having a full recovery, , I can feel it in my bones and I just know I will lose this battle,no matter how tough or how hard I fight against this,this bad bad thing, this destroyer of souls, this devourer of free will, this monster in my nightmares that has crawled out from my dreams to haunt me well I'm awake. I think I'm going crazy, but Im watching myself go insane and I have no control, how maddning this situation has reached, reaching out without reasoning.


Chapter 16

  So here I am still as another day finds the dawn and once more I watch the sun rise, but I can't see the beauty in this anymore.
Now I believe this makes day four without sleep, without rest, without happiness, without any emotion or feeling, except the constant dread and emptiness that has drained me dry.
  I can tell this wickedness has grown a little stronger, its borrowing its way into my soul.
  Alls I can do is helplessly sit back and and wait, to just let this happen to me, and realizing this only makes me weaker. Im becoming such a fragile being, I'm almost afraid to move from this spot, cause my brittle body will most likely shatter to peices.


Chapter 17

Tick tock, tick tock the clock laughs in my face, it screams at me telling me that time has no meaning in my life from this moment on, and as the hands round the clocks face hour after hour, tick tock tick tock, your running out of time , your life is coming to an end sooner then later.
  Amoungst the buzzing silence of the daytime, I hear the clock somewhere in the background, its becoming a nuisance, annoying me just enough to where I can't possibly try to ignore it.
  I sit here silent and still, motionless , paralyzed from fea
Semerian Perez Aug 2012
So she is called
Angel of silence
Always watching
What others do
Not saying anything

Walking among humans
Always shrouded in darkness
Her eyes barely readable
To those who knew of her exsistance
People feared
What they would find
So they never spoke to her

When the time came
However
People did not dare
Approach her
For she had seen their life
Weither she deemed them worthy
Of continuing to draw breath
She did not care

Angel of silence
She was dubbed
But more effective name
The Angel of Death
For your life may be next
To end on this final day

Good luck in life
I hope you see
You will end up facing
Evangelium de Silenti
Eleete j Muir Jan 2014
To think we are our own worst enemies!
satan unto self; individual natures!,
that would die unto each other-
the living matter of annihilation?
casting extinction alternate to exsistance,
parallel of duality.
Perverse animals, the ultimatum of creatures!...
subject beings, suckling
on eternities infinity!.


ELEETE J MUIR
Lori Anne Bright Dec 2011
I drift around all alone passing through lives, hoping to make a difference in mine, but pushing for a difference in you...
All I do is float around in exsistance...never truly living, feeling, or being...just hovering over waiting to be fluttered away...
Hoping i will be drifted into the right life...the One...
I float...nothing there for me but air...i drift away...
Alone...
karin naude Jul 2013
fairy-tales, i blame my UN-satisfaction on fairy-tales
bright fancy color mixed with glitter dust and smiles hiding behind innocence was the perfect idea of exsistance engraved on my child like mind ensuring i will always strive for that level of perfection and when unattained i will turn on myself in viciousness known only by cannibalist

who is to say in this world filled with endless illusion and unrealistic drama that the life i lead is unperfect and not as good as it will ever get
DaRk IcE Jul 2015
Wading through life upon broken glass, blood pours through the lost parts of my body

Dreams invading my physical exsistance while trapped in an out of body experience

Weight crushes hopes that wish to be born, leaving behind a corpse that will never know

Alone is my companion, my only livelihood, guiding me into the darkness that surrounds my  soul

I may only see through soiled eyes, seeing the darkness light before my conclusion

Standing before my final fate, there is no fear, the dark lord harbours my destiny into eternal flames
Brea Brea May 2013
you may permit me in
we make exotic dishes of laughter and shared values
over talk of philosophic rapport
childish banter
and gestures of tender philanthropy on each finger tip
on every pressed lip
but you wont give me a key
though it's where I live
this is my home, you've made it so, just for me
you showed me in
you courteously carried my persona into your door
you do me the greatest of services
those that would make any soul well-lived
if I removed any trace of my exsistance you would despair
as you have
but you refuse to give me a key
and without it, it makes it as though you dont really,
actually,
want me
and what most anguishes my mind
is that I always gingerly close the door from the outside
if it werent for my soft touch, and attentive eyes
I'd have reason to believe that something is wrong with me
or my love
when, seemingly, it was made to our advantage
I do the best to support your virtues
and those that disturb the peace
This is where my belongings know their place
This is my home
where I linger after I wake
where I loose myself in the silence
where I drink myself into a stuppor
because my lover wont give me a key
You leave me broken up
but you gather my peaces by light of kindness
You don't understand, I'm hitting a wall
I'm hitting your good heart
your good, muddled, heart
I'm hitting a wall
a hard hard evaluation
of a disturbing
heart-to-heart
of which I never learned of
Zaina R Aug 2012
I was your lover, i was your voice.
In the garden where god had made the most beautiful flower you were found.
The ocean springs and the birds that dwelt there could you have heard them?
In the darkness amid, that was filled so brightly with moonlight did you notice my exsistance?  
That day when i cried, when i thought i had lost my dignity, you made me smile and brought me to this day.
This day where all the sorrows from the past seem like a dream,
Like a leaf that just flys past by with no significance, no purpose.
Denxai Mcmillon Jun 2015
I'm growing distant from myself
As if the simplistic notion of happiness
Is the ocean spread between emotions
And I am but a ship,
Adrift.
I'm surrounded on all sides
By water that I can not drink.
Why is it that smiling is so
So unbearably difficult?
I know how to force a smile
Why do I have no desire,
No ambition.
Why am I struggling so **** hard?
Is there really a light at the end?
Or did I think that into exsistance?
I'm a ship
And I'm not sinking,
I'm just adrift.
Adrift isn't what I want
My sails are lowered
So where in the blazes
Is the southern wind
to push my ship
And the corners of my mouth
North?
A May 2014
The only thing I felt today
Was the burn of the suns radiance on my legs,

The only salvation was the light
Cracklings of my last ciggerette.

I watch the letters smolder brown to black.
Blackness flaking off of smokes back.
Dancing off in it's bittersweet serenade
I've succumbed to what exsistance I have made
I only wish to walk in the footsteps
In the last of my happiness.
paul hope Jun 2014
take this desease from inside my mind
take me back into your womb
and this time, please try, try, try, and want me
just that, have a happy little chap
the kind of baby people clap
they smile and say, isnt he lovely, special
in his own kind of way
a bundle of joy, not a toy
to be discarded at birth, to be put last not first
not a thing, i am not a thing
i am something that grew within
you, you, you, you

i hate you, i hate you, i hate you
i am sorry, i am so sorry for being me
sorry for not being pleased
sorry for all the ****, and what comes with it
for all the false hope i couldnt cope, with

for the person i am, the boy, the man
the life thats a shamb
sorry for the whole ******* mess
for causing you such distress
i hate you, i hate you, i love you

i am sorry for crying blood red tears
crying, slowly dying, showing cowardly fear
i just want you near, close to me
keeping me safe, the way its supposed to be
not darkness, ******* endless anxiety

i hate you, i hate them, i hate false friends
i hate the people that pretend
their life isnt ****, and get away with it
i hate it when, the pain never goes away
i hate you because you never say

those three little ******* words
i love you, i love you, i love you
how hard can it be mother
would you prefer me to smother
in this **** i call a life, an exsistance
one step away from an injection in my vein
just something to ease the pain
i hate you , i need you
i hate thats its true
i hate that you left me on the shelf
but most of all i hate  myself
Feeling alone , hurt depressed what a woman to do, feel like death warmed up, feel like life has no meaning, tired of being the good person, tired of being me , tired of life itself tired of everything

Time to lay my head down in peace as life has no meaning, what's the point, everyone seems to ignore me, friends have seemed to have dissapeared, family is to busy to say 'hello how are you, what's worth continueing if there is no point in exsistance, its just to much.

Time to move on to the other side maybe life would be better there.

Life what a dissapointment.
My life has not been easy and I am tired of everything.
DaRk IcE Apr 2016
Staring into an empty space filled
With wonder
That reaches for the
Moon
With an absent
Ground
Laughing at depressions
Dismay of shattered
Dreams doomed
By suicidal
Thoughts
And
Sleepless nights
Loving the one's who
Abandoned
Your exsistance
Each exhausting day
Is harder to get through
Then the one before
Yet you do it all over
Again
Because who else
Will
Giving credit to your
Biological makers
Who raised your
Downfall
And encouraged your
Feelings of inadequacy
Missing pieces of a broken
Home are all you
Have
Left
To carry to your
Grave
Somehow missing the
Point of why
Your
Were
Here
#depression #despair #abandonment #anxiety #brokenhome #abuse #sadness #hopelessness
EMPstrike Jul 2014
I want to explore you dreams
I want to see your world from the inside.
I want to know what drives your thoughts
And relish in the change

My world may be much different from yours, I've never seen where you are,
You Might enjoy, where I know so well, that things go as they come.

I want to explore, I crave to know entirely what makes you "you", and not me.
This guessing pleasantly torments my will to feel exactly as you do.


I don't care for structure, its far to predictable
Show what "crazy" you hide for fear of judgment.
I clench my teeth and widen eyes attempting to peer inside.

Your gaze notes the heightening "madness" you've felt as i **** your unconscious exsistance.

You sleep, i stare, no harm comes to you. Just a feeling of uneasiness as I long to invade you.

I want to explore your dreams. I want to know what makes you "not me".
hello Aug 2013
The theme to Jepoardy
No longer rings
All around my 3D exsistance
Because I am not
In Jepoardy
Of falling in love
With you
DaRk IcE Feb 2016
Selfishness is such a root evil
It offers no
Security
Only undeserved punishment
Many nights lying in bed
Crying yourself to
Sleep
While the other sits high
On a 14 carrot gold
Thrown
Tossing bread crumbs your
Way with
Haste
Your life such a dreadful
Mess
Left confused and searching for some
Abandoned truth
There is no such thing
Anymore
Pouring your heart into a glass
Already filled
With rage
Just in time for
Your
Arrival
Living a shallow exsistance
Never able to please
The
Piper
Only to suffer more relentless
Hell bent
Crucifixion
At the hand of the one
Who's
Perfect
The sun doesn't exist
In hell
Only deep pitted flames to cast
Pain in the greatest
Glory
Of the one
Who loved with no
Convictions
Erasing laughter and
Casting
Tears
Upon the queen you
Chose
Lacing the air with nails that pierce the
Lucky
Recipient
And the blood shall
Pour
Onto the shallow
Grave you call
Home
Timaira Jun 2014
You
Someday you will die
Every mistake you have made will be insignificant
As will your acomplishments
The universe will not stop turning
All because your heart stopped beating
However
The place where your body rests will sprout flowers
And the universe will reward your life with beauty
Because you survived through an exsistance of ugly
And that is significant
Alexandria Merle Dec 2014
I need you.
Here.
Now.
I crave your exsistance.
Desperate for change,
Yet I need things to stay the same.
I want to hear your voice,
Because the ones in my head
Are gaining control.
Leaving me vulnerable.
"Quit."
They say.
But I can't.
I'm afraid.
Afraid of what's to come,
And somewhat afraid of you.
Because you know me.
You know everything.
Every secret.
Every thought I think but never say aloud...you know.
It scares me, because you may understand me more than I understand myself.

- A.M.
bonvkiller Oct 2018
the way i admire your blue oceans
i now see you as a drought
my love you were never open
my head was full of doubt
you dread my exsistance
as i fill you with lead
perhaps you’d be better off
with no one instead
mellow with you based
Fenix Flight May 2014
Goodbye
I cant do this anymore
The fire in me
is flaming no more

I am nothing but a mistake
I wasnt meant for this life
I shouldnt be around

I'm
a **** up
a failure
a burden
a joke
of a human being

I will never change
I will always be this way
so what is the point
of continuing this exsistance?

Goodbye

I'm sorry
My depression is peaking.
I figured writting it out would make me feel somewhat better.
Iska Oct 2017
I love you more then you could ever know.
Id pluck the stars from the sky
and put them all together
if it means I'd get to see
your eyes light up and shine.
I'd gather all the flowers in the world if it means I could lay in them with you all day.
I would hang the sun and the moon for you.
Walk to the ends of the world for you.
But let's be real.
I'd be selling myself short,
because your eyes shine brighter
than any star could ever hope to,
the sound of your laughter
is sweeter than any flower in exsistance,
I could pause the sun and moon
in the sky forever,
so I'd never have to let you go,
and it still would not be enough time.
with you, forever is simply too short,
and the world to small
to contain how much I love you.
Colm May 2019
There is no peace

When you find yourself
Persuing sleep
As if it were non-exsistance

There is no rest
In such restlessness of spirit
For a friend. Along with prayers.
Karisa Brown Apr 2019
Pure elicit

Language

Metaphoric blocks
To our very exsistance
Keely Feb 2018
Your eyes, your truth, your brain, your mental state, your situation, your lies, your actions, your sacrifices, Your cemichals, you're looking for someone to understand.
This is why we try to connect with other and find simalarity, but I found the more I look for people to 'get it' the less I'm accepting the fact no one will ever fully understand. We are all different and we all have our differences. You see and experience your own exsistance and no one else does. This is why I stopped talking about my problems and failing to connect with people. They won't understand so why burden them with a hypothetical emotion.
But that doesn't mean I stop. That means I continue to grow within myself and find strength and love to gift to other. Life itself and all living beings always have just been  one disgustingly beautiful peice of art.
This isn’t meant to be sad or depression, but it’s rather just something I am currently experiencing that I had yet to explain to the world (from my perspective)
Karisa Brown Sep 2017
Live a
Drunk exsistance!
George A Kary Apr 2022
Into the past
Finding a place on a street
       with phone booths
Cell phones yet invented
         and many buildings
                with diversity
Created out of finacial necessity
Not by a forced "WOKE"agenda
We were all free to speak
Just a past memory today
           canceled by the ruthless elite
I walked unjudged and free
Finding the building with the fire escape
             as frontage
Where a dog seeks refuge upon
Only to squat and defecate
             onto the sidewaik below
Marking the address of a friend
              and his wife
Through a unlocked broken door
Up a noisey set of stairs
Through a heavly locked apartment door
I am greeted by my friend and his cats
The cats have thier places
In various locations
             with defications
Their box has not been emtied in weeks
All leaving a bitting odor
In sea of clutter
Known as chaos
In a unkept human presence
Yet we sit
In a confined human space
Speaking on numerous subjects
He has left his govenment job
Benefits and all
To become a writer
But, also a promoter of punk bands
               to pay for this exsistance
In this place and time
To end up about my poetry
As his wife looks on
In a attentive blank stare
Her ******* are huge
Intact
No restrictions
In a ******* T shirt
We are young
Leaving me to wonder
Is it my friend
Or his wife I come to visit?
I concude that I am a ******
Not a poet
In this time and place
He  hands me a pen and paper
Encouraging me to write poetry
I write with puff and beer in hand
As cover for my alternative motive
I write distracted by her
Fulfilling my friends desire
To obtain and pocess
What I write
Never to be seen by me again
But,possibly heard somewhere
In a punk rant

— The End —