Fat old priest smiling
In his old *****-stained cassock
Leering at choirboys.

THE ALLAN FAMILY STORY, BRIAN WANTS TO BE AN ADULT, BUT HE;S TOO YOUNG



YOU SEE BRIAN ALLAN SINCE HE MOVED TO CANBERRA, HE HAS BEEN GETTING

VOICES IN HIS HEAD, OF HIS FAMILY AND OUTSIDERS, TREATING HIM LIKR A LITTLE

YOUNG DUDE, BUT BRIAN WAS FRUSTRATED, CAUSE, HE LIKED THE ADULTS BETTER

YOU SEE BRIAN WAS A COOL KID, BUT HIS VOICES WERE BOTHERING HIM, WHEN BRIAN

SAID I AM A MAN, HIS BROTHER WOULD SAY, SHUT UP, BABY, THEN ANOTHER VOICE SAYS

FROM AN OUTSIDER, SAYING, MEN BULLY, BRIAN, AND YOUR NO BULLY, BE LIKE USES WITH

THE YOUNG DUDES, AND BRIAN WAS UPSET, AND SAID, NO I AM AN ADULT, THERE IS NOTHING

WRONG WITH BEING AN ADULT, I WAS A COOL KID, YOU SEE, I WANTED TO BE ALLOWED TO RELAX

BUT BECAUSE MY BROTHER WAS ONLY 2 YEARS YOUNGER, HE FORCED ME TO JOIN HIM

WHICH I DIDN’T MIND, CAUSE AS I SAID, I WAS A COOL KID, YOU SEE WE PLAYED YARD CRICKET

AND FOOTBALL AND SPORTS SHOWS, AND BECAUSE OF ALL THIS, I WAS A REAL MAN, WHICH

UPSET MY PARENTS WAY OF LIFE, AND I DID THIS ALL THE WAY THROUGH MY CHILDHOOD

WITH OUTSIDERS CALLING OUT TO ME, SAYING, YOUR STILL A LITTLE YOUNG DUDE, AND

WHEN BRIAN SAID, I AM AN ADULT, THEY SAID, ADULT, ADULT, TRYING TO TAKE THE NOVELTY

OUT OF ME SAYING I AM AN ADULT, CAUSE I AM TOO WOOSEY TO BE LIKE LYLE, AND THIS

YOUNG DUDE SAID, **** MY ****, YOUR STILL A YOUNG DUDE BRIAN, BRIAN AT FIRST

SAID ******* I AM NOT GAY, HE SAID, NO YOUR STILL A YOUNG DUDE MATE, **** MY FUCKEN ****, ****

BRIAN SAID, WHY CAN’T YOU LEAVE ME BE TO BE A REAL MAN, THEN HE SAID, **** MY ****

YOU ARE TOO WOOSEY TO BE A MAN, AND BRIAN SAID, I DON’T WANT TO **** YOUR ****, ****

I AM NOT GAY, YA ****, HE GRABBED MY ARM AND PULLED ME INTO THE ROOM AND FORCED ME

TO **** HIS ****, THE FUCKEN **** HE WAS, AND BRIAN AS SOON AS HE LEFT, WAS FOLLOWING HIM

AND HE SAID, BRIAN ****** MY ****, YA SEE THAT **** IS NOT LIKE ME, AND THEN I WAS PLAYING

A TIE UP GAME, WHERE BRIAN ASKED THIS YOUNG DUDE TO TIE HIM UP, HOPING IT’LL TAKE THE

LITTLE YOUNG DUDE OUT OF THE STREET, BUT BRIAN BECAME WILD, AND HIS DAD, WELL HE AIN’T PERFECT

BUT STILL HIS PRIDE GOT IN THE WAY, I GOT CRANKY WITH DAD, CAUSE, HE LOOKED AS IF HE DIDN’T GIVE A ****

YOU SEE, I WAS TRYING TO GAIN RESPECT AND OPEN UP TO HIM, BUT I FOUND IT HARD, AND DAD HAD A LIFE

LIKE BEING A SCHOOL TEACHER WHERE HE HELPED A LOT OF KIDS, ACTUALLY DAD WAS THE REAL KIDS FRIEND

BUT, ME, I COULDN’T GET THROUGH TO DAD, SO I PUNCHED HIM AND THREATENED HIM WHEN HE LAUGHED AT ME

I SAID, SHUT UP, *******, YOU ARE NOT LIKE US, AND DAD WANTED TO HAVE HIS CHAIR, NOW DAD DID MAKE IT UP TO ME

BUT I WANTED FRIENDS, AND I FUCKEN TRIED TO BE CAREFUL, BUT I HATED THE YOUNG DUDE ASKING ME TO **** HIS ****

AND BRIAN HATED HIS DAD, HAVING A PROBLEM, WITH HIM BEING A KID, I WAS PLAYING BASKETBALL LIKE MY BROTHER

PLAYED TENNIS, AND DAD NEVER UNDERSTOOD, I LIKED THAT LIFE OF GOING OUT AND WALKING AROUND THE MALL

YA KNOW MUCKING AROUND BEING A FOOL ON SOME DAYS, BUT OTHER DAYS, MAINLY ON WEEKENDS I WENT TO THE MALL’
‘
TO HAVE LUNCH AND HAD A BIT OF A MUCK AROUND AT *** BLACK PINNY ARCADE, AND THEN OVER TO THE BOWLING ALLEY

AND ON THE WAY HOME, I ENJOYED ALL THE KIDS PLAYING IN KEANE PLACE, YA KNOW YARD CRICKET, YA KNOW, BEH AND JOSH

AND THIS KID WHO LOOKED LIKE A CARBON COPY OF THE BIG YOUNG DUDES I LIKED AS A KID, BUT HE WAS A TROUBLE MAKER

AS HE ASKED ME TO TIE HIM UP, AND IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER, I WOULD HAVE TIED HIM UP, BUT I SAID NO, HOPING KIDS WOULD

STOP TREATING ME LIKE A PHEDAPHILE, AND THEN ANOTHER GAME OF CRICKET WITH BRENDAN AND CANDICE AND MY BROTHER

AND I LOOKED LIKE A REAL COOL KID, CRUISING AROUND, THEN AFTER A WHILE, THE VOICES STARTED, AND EVERY VOICE WENT

TO BED, LEAVING BRIAN THE COOL KID TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT, PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES, WATCHING TALK SHOWS, AND JUST AS

I WENT TO BED, MY MATES RANG ME UP, TO DRINK BEERS OUTSIDE THE SCHOOL, AS WELL AS JUMPING IN OUR FAMILY’S SWIMMING POOL

AND LEAVING SHARP OBJECTS, MAKING MY FATHER, NEVER TRUST ME EVER AGAIN, I WAS TRYING TO BE LIKE A MATE I LIKED, PAT, BACK THEN

BUT I LOOKED LIKE A DRUNKEN WOOSEY *****, CAUSE, I WAS TRYING TO BE THE COOL KID IN THE CLUB, TEASING THE NERDY YEAH MATE YEAH KID

WHO IS LIKE DAD’S NERDY BEING FRIENDS MOTTO, BUT, I WAS A FOOL, BUT I ENJOYED WALKING AROUND FROM PUB TO PUB, WITH THE

LINE IN MY HEAD, MEN DON’T DO THAT, THAT’S WHAT KIDS DO, I AM OFF TO THE PUB, AND WHEN I LOOKED SHY AT A FEW STAGES IN MY LIFE

IN CIVIC, I HEARD DADS VOICE SAYING, GO INTO A PUB BRIAN, RATHER THAN WALK AROUND CIVIC, AND I PARTIED ALL OVER THE CITY CLUB

AND THE PRIVATE BIN, SOMEONE TRIED TO ROUGH ME UP OUTSIDE THE CHARNWOOD INN, AT A CHOIRBOYS GIG THERE, BRIAN LOST EVERYTHING

THAT NIGHT, BUT THE TAXI DRIVER WAS HAPPY TO GIVE ME A FREE RIDE HOME, I AM NOT DOING THAT AGAIN, AND I VISIONED ME AND BRENDAN

WERE ******* TOGETHER, BETWEEN HOUSES, BUT I HATED DAD LOOKING LIKE HE DOESN’T CARE FOR MY WELL-BEING SO I HAD NUMEROUS FIGHTS

WITH HIM, BUT I DON’T BELIEVE IN VIOLENCE, AND DAD, ALWAYS DID THE WIMPY THING TO CALL THE POLICE IN RATHER THAN JUST RELAX AND LET ME YELL

DAD, HAS HIS PRIDE, TO PROTECT, I SAID THEN, **** YOUR FUCKEN PRIDE, I WILL NEVER BE A NERDY ADULT LIKE YOU DAD I SAID, AFTER A WHILE I UNDERSTOOD DAD

BUT I CAN’T UNDERSTAND, WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT TO BE AN OLD JITTERY MAN, BACK THEN, BRIAN WAS JUST TEASING THE OLD JITTERY MAN IN DAD, DAD

LET HIS PRIDE GET THE BETTER OF HIM, DAD CARED, BUT, HE COULD’VE BEEN A LITTLE NICER BACK THEN, CAUSE I NEVER HELD A GUN TO HIS HEAD

AND I HATE BEING TREATED LIKE A FIGHTING COOL KID, BUT I WAS A COOL KID, WHO LOVES TO PARTY, I HAVE ALWAYS LIKED PARTIES, IN THE PAST

AND I WILL LOVE THEM THROUGH EVERY BUDDHIST LIFE OF MINE, DAD, REMEMBER FRANK SPENSER, BETTY, OH DEAR BETTY, WELL YOUR BETTY NOW DAD

AND NOW, I HAVE TO MAKE PEOPLE UNDERSTAND, I HATED FIGHTING DAD, I WAS HAVING PROBLEMS, LIKE I THOUGHT I WAS DEALING WITH, LIKE A COOL YOUNG DUDE DOES

I WANTED TO BE AN ADULT, DON’T WE ALL

robert schlanker was an 11 year boy who was a bit different from the other kids

you see he was a nice kid and he was very clean-cut, most of the kids who wanted

to be his friend said he was shy, because they didn’t want him to meet mr long stocking

who wanted to tie robert up with his stocking and treat him like an animal in a cage, a very rusty cage

and one of long stockings mtes harry burns stole his wallet from his pocket and stole all his money

and lead him feeling like an animal, but meanwhile robert was playing with his friends and the kids

were trying to protect him from this turning kids into animals game, well they didn’t turn them into animals as such

they just were attempting to tie thm up and lock them in a cage, and the first step, was the attempt to make robert

feel that nobody wants to do him harm, until one day there will be a s showdown where they grab all his best friends

and tie them to the light pole, days and days went by when robert was mucking around with his mate pete, and

they camped out in the backyard together as well as go to football games together and even joined the local football team

where robert fit in very well and the crowd had a cheer they gave robert when he scored his many tries, it goes like this

rob rob our boy named rob

it’s great that this footy team is your job

minutes go quick between each try

you see rober you are our hero

and that’s no lie

and once or twice robert would jump over the fence and cheer with these people saying,

yeah mate yeah mate yeah mate yeah

i am in a side called the bears

i can give a piece of my luck to you, if you can spare

yeah mate yeah mate yeah mate yeah

and robert felt protected in with his mates and he and his mates were having fun, yeah fun, what you have when you are having a good time

and then noel harrison a prison escapee from the prison, locked away for luring kids into his home where he plans to treat them like animals and

noel sat in the shopping mall watching robert happily playing as well as teasing him and yelling at hi not letting slip what he is doing, you see he was

a friend of roberts family when robert was 8 and according to them noel can do no wrong and yes noel was really helping robert find his mojo

like arranging a whole lot of fun events to very slowly squeeze the fun loving sports loving family guy out of him without making him feel he was doing that

and noel visited roberts family quite a few times just to make sure robert wasn’t trying to be a family person, and robert and noel had small fights, where noel

got his beer and said funny little kid funny little kid funny little kid, you are a burning hot kid, and i want your blood, robert said what does that mean dude

and noel said how about we change the subject and robert ran to his room in a huff and noel said yeh, sweeeeet  he is a hooligan anyway and roberts parents

were unaware of what noel was doing, and each day they went about meeting noel going to work and dropping robert at his friends houses and sports events

and years and years went by, with robert and his parents socialising with roberts parents till one day at the very moment whe robert turned 18, noel knew that

robert liked the choirboys, so yeah he did get the choirboys to actually come, but what robert does;t know, noel will be there to lure robert away from his friends but

noel has to work quick, first he has to actually meet robert and his mates and offer to drive robert, just robert home and then the torture will begin, but robert’s dad

said, i will give you a lift there and home, so you will be safe, and robert said fine, unaware of noel’s plan, and on the night of the choir boys robert’s dad brought

robert there and said, text me, when it’s over and when robert went into the bar he saw his mates and headed over to them and they danced to run to paradse

and boys will be boys and struggle town and robert was having so much fun getting really drunk on beer and then robert felt like another beer and that’s where

he bumped into noel, who said, i will buy you a drink and without robert knowing about it, noel dissolved 3 tablets of ice into robert’s drink, so noel can get what

he wants tonight, and robert took his drink back to his mates and partied like ****** crazy and while noel was watching the band he text roberts father saying

he is at the concert and will take robert home but at the end of the concert, robert said goodbye to his mates and went over to the cab area to ring hid dad but

the ICE made robert walked right into noel, noel bashed robert over the head when robert awoke he was chained up in a rabbit’s cage, with a very strong padlock

and the first few days was humanly but after 6 weeks, robert was starting to act like an animal, because of the ICE, jumping up one side of the cage and then

the other side and he was fed chicken bones and dog food, and robert had to eat or he will be whipped by the black hooded noel, robert was unaware that he was noel

and weeks and weeks and years and years went by where robert was jumping up in his cage and robert’s parents called the police and even did mercy dashes to

try and catch robert’s abductor and in about 3 weeks, noel decided to ring robert’s parents saying, robert was an animal at the choir boys concert so i said don’t text

your daddy, just walk home and then i saw robert passed out in the drain, and i rushed him to the hospital and he didn’t make it and then noel hung up on robert’s parents

and went outside to reveal himself and robert wasn’t sure who noel was as he was made to look like an animal, and noel said you are with me now robert

and i told your parents your dead, cause robert, i planned your life, i plannec those kids cheering you on and i planned the concert too, i planned you meeting

up with mates camping in your parents backyard and now, i am planning that you will be ab animal till the day you die, and robert, uncle noel will **** you at midnight

and then robert’s friends after being at a fake memorial were very distraught about robert’s kidnapping ****** and decided to piece this puzzle and the first thing they

did was go to the hospital and say, do you remember a boy dying from lying in a ditch and they said, that breaks doctor patient confidentiality but after a few weeks the

nurse who said that to the youngsters said, according our files robert is still alive, so whatever the reason why you had a memorial for him, i don’t have a clue and

robert’s friends went back to roberts parents and said robert is still alive according to the hospital and who told you he was dead and robert’s father said just a friend and decided

to piece together the map to find out what really happened to his son, as robert was eating chicken bones and dog food and then robert got very angry every time he saw noel

and said LET ME OUT, YOU FUCKEN ****, but in a whiny dull voice and noel was getting his way with the schlanker family and then mr schlanker rang noel up and something felt

weird about noel’s voice and robert’s father said, IF YOU HAVE ROBERT, GIVE YOURSELF UP, OK and noel said no way buddy and hung up the phone grabbed the animal like robert

and took off to the sea, where robert would be thrown to the sharks but the police caught up with noel and robert was rescued and noel was put back in prison and the robert and

his parents really were upset for what noel did to their family and robert went to the hospital and after 4 hours died in their care while robert’s parents went back to their home and

cleaned out robert’s bedroom and after hearing robert passing away on the radio, noel said, my work here is done heh heh heh and noel was given life inprisonment and robert’s parents

were very sad that their only child is dead but they have to move on, in 5 years robert’s parents got a divorce, and went their separate ways and robert’s farher was a lonely old man living in adelaide

while robert’s mother married brian allan, the famous internet writer and he had 3 girls, and lived as happy as she can be after her terrible ordeal with losing robert.

the end

I AM A LITTLE BABY YOUNG DUDE, THEY SAY I AM A BIG YOUNG DUDE MATE

I AM SAYING, CAUSE I AM NOT EQUIPPED TO BE A BIG YOUNG DUDE

I KNOW I SAID I WAS A BIG YOUNG DUDE

BUT THAT IS WHEN I FELT NEEDED AT THE RAINBOW

ONE FOR ALL AND ALL FOR ONE, I WAS A LITTLE YOUNG DUDE, MATE

WHO WAS KIDNAPPED 3 TIMES BEFORE I WAS BORN

YA SEE THE WITCH DOCTOR STRAPPED TO A CHAIR, AND

I TELL THIS VOICE DON’T HASSLE ME, I AM A LITTLE YOUNG DUDE

AND THE WITCH DOCTOR, YOUR A BIG YOUNG DUDE, MATE

BUT MY MATE WANTS ME, TO BE A LITTLE YOUNG DUDE

BUT THE WITCH DOCTOR SAID FINE, TED BUNDY GRAB BRIAN AND BRENDAN

FROM THE WORLD, AND KEEP THEM *******, OR MAKE BRENDAN KID LEGS SHOW

TO SAY, YOU AIN’T A KID NO MORE, AND THEN MAKE BRIAN GRAB BRENDAN

AND IMPLY IT’S BETTER TO TIE HIM UP

AND I SAID, I AM KIDNAPPED BY TED BUNDY’S GHOST

I AM A LITTLE YOUNG DUDE, AND I SAID KIDS LIKE BRENDAN GET KIDNAPPED

LITTLE YOUNG DUDES, LIKE YA MATE GETS MUGGED

YOU GET TAKEN HOSTAGE BY THE GHOSTS OF TED BUNDY AND ED GEIN

AND I SCREAMED AND THE WITCH DOCTOR FORCED ME TO SAY

THAT I LIKE YOUNG DUDES ESPECIALLY ON TOAST

AND THEN STARTED SINGING A PILE OF JINGLES, LIKE

KIDNAP BRIAN AND KIDNAP BRENDAN, KEEP BRIAN AND BRENDAN IN OUR CAGES

KIDNAP BRIAN AND KIDNAP BRENDAN, KEEP BRIAN AND BRENDANH ******* TIGHTLY

AND A FREE RANGE VERSION OF THE DOSEY DOH, OH SAY DO, DON’T SAY NO

PLEASE KIDNAP MARK MARLOR, AND THEN I SANG EVIL TUNES ABOUT

MY NIECES, WHICH, I WISHED KIDNAPPING UPON THEM

LIKE KIDNAP CAITLIN KIDNAP CAITLIN SUSAN TOO SUSAN TOO

KIDNAP MY LITTLE NIECE CAITLIN, AND KEEP THEM BOTH *******

I AM NOT A PHEADPHILE, I DON’T WANT THESE VOICES, IT JUST CAME

AS I WAS BEING TOLD TO SHUT UP BY A DISABLED **** AT LEAD

I PREFER TO BE SINGLE, RATHER THAN **** THE UNDERAGE

I DISAGREE WITH MEN LIKE MY PAST, THAT ISN’T ME AT ALL

I LIKE TO BE COOL, YA SEE, I HATED WHEN MY FRIEND SAID GO AWAY

WHEN I WATCHED HER PLAY BOWLING, AND MARK WAS A TYPICAL GUY

AND THEN I WAS GETTING MY HORMONES GOING CRAZY

I AM NOT OR A PHEDAPHILE, I AM NORMAL, YOU SEE

I GOT HYPED UP ON THESE CRAZY VOICES WHEN I WAS WORRIED

MARK MARLOR WAS TREATED LIKE ME, WHEN HE STICKY TAPED HIS NICE KID

IT HYPED UP THE CRAZY CHARNWOOD AXE MURDERER, WHICH DOESN’T EXIST

SOME GUY GRABBED MY LEGS, BUT I GOT AWAY, ONE CHOIRBOYS CONCERT AT THE CHARNWOOD INN

AND THAT VOICE LEFT ME, BUT IN 2004, MARK MARLOR WAS KIDNAPPED BY THE SAME PERSON

I LIKED MARK, HE WAS FUCKEN RAD, AND I LIKE BRENDAN I WAS FUCKEN SICK

I LIKED PLAYING WITH MY NIECES, BUT I HAVE TO GROW UP

AND I WANT THE RETARDS OUT OF MY BRAIN, CAUSE I AM NICNAMED BRAINS ALLAN BROWN

TRIPLE B, IS MY NAME, PARTYING IS MY GAME

NOT 2 YEAR OLD PARTIES, TO, US ADULTS, ARE PRETTY LAME

MY DAD READ, THE STORY ABOUT KIDNAPPING MY NIECES, BUT HE WAS AN OLD FOGIE

BECAUSE, I WAS TRYING TO WRITE IT OUT OF ME, LIKE A COOL PERSON

DAD IS SOON TO BE, DAVID AND LISA’S CHILD, BROTHER OF LEO AND OTHER TWIN

GRANDCHILD OF JIMMY BARNES

DAD IS SAYING YOUR LIKE ME AND MUMMY BRIAN

CAUSE, I HAVEN’T GOT A JOB, AND I RECKON MY STUFF CAN BE WORTH A LOT OF MONEY

KEEP THIS OFF MY FAMILY, THEY WILL ONLY WORRY ABOUT ME

I WANT A BETTER LIFE, BUT WHEN I AM READY, I AM WORKING ON MY CHARACTERS

WHEN I GO FOR A WALK, I HEAR PEOPLE SAY, ABOUT ME

WHAT IS THIS ****** DOING, WHY ISN’T HE GOING HOME

I NEEDED TO REST, AND EAT MY GRAPES FOR MY DINNER

KIDNAPPING ISN’T PART OF MY WORLD ANYMORE

I DON’T HAVE ***, CAUSE I LOVE BABIES

I CAN’T ENJOY THE OTHER *** FOR PLEASURE

AND MY HORMONES ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY, DUDES

AS I HEAR MY MATE, SAYING, YOUR STILL GETTING TEASED, BUDDY BOY SONNY JIM

I SAID I AM A LITTLE YOUNG DUDE, AND HE SAID YOUR A BIG YOUNG DUDE MATE

CAUSE LITTLE YOUNG DUDES GET GRABBED, SO I SAID

I AM A BIG YOUNG DUDE, BIGGEST YOUNG DUDE AROUND

BIGGEST YOUNG DUDE, THAT YOU HAVE EVER SEEN

I PLAYED FOOTBALL, AND I INSPIRED BURKE AND WILLS

AND TEN PIN BOWLING I AM ****** GREAT

I AM A BIG YOUNG DUDE, BIGGEST YOUNG DUDE AROUND

THE BIGGEST YOUNG DUDE AROUND OH YEAH

I WAS READING LITTERATURE IN 100 YEARS WAR

AND KIDNAPPED BY A TERRORIST TRYING TO **** MY *****

AND I PREFER TO ERECTED ***** FROM BEAUTIFUL **** WOMEN

RATHER THAN MEN OR KIDS, PLEASE LEAVE US LITTLE YOUNG DUDES ALONE

The snow lay crisply on the sill
And gripped the windowpane.
A coach and horses scurried by
Slowly, slithering down the lane.

Beneath the gas light in the gloom
A group of choirboys sang.
‘Ding **** merrily on high’,
And all the church bells rang.

Whilst in his bedroom, up above,
A little schoolboy lay.
He’d hung his stockings on the posts
And he dreamed of Christmas day.

And on his bed an old greatcoat
Around his neck held tight,
And on his feet a rag knot rug
To warm him through the night.

His water bottle at his chest
Had now become quite cold.
But in his mind the warm thoughts raced
Of many stories told.

His Mom and Dad below him sat
Less warmly by a candle,
And worried how to pay the rent
Thus to avoid a scandal.

‘But one things sure’, his old mom said.
‘This year may be our last,
So we’ll do all that we can do
To make it better than the last.

‘Remember to be quiet’, she said.
‘Don’t wake my baby boy’.
Here’s an orange, apple and monkey nuts
And a little wooden toy’.

His Father crept into his room
And by his stockings knelt.
He slowly placed inside the gifts
Then in his waistcoat felt.

A tiny farthing in his hand
And in his eye a tear.
He gently pushed it with the rest,
Then to his boy drew near.

‘If only I could give you more,
Then Son I surely would.
For if it were the only thing to give
Then I would give my blood.

His Son lay there without a care,
A smile upon his face.
He kissed him gently on the cheek
And left without a trace.

Then slowly creeping across the hills
And softly clipping trees.
An orange globe of Christmas cheer
Began the frost to tease.

Wiping sleep out of his bleary eyes
And awakening to the cold.
Quickly rummaging into the socks
Clutched a farthing as if gold.

A little boy whose Christmas dreams
So simply had been blessed.
Sang a little Christmas song
And rapidly got dressed.

Each breath he breathed froze in the air.
His tiny hands and feet were frozen.
His mind already at the shop
Espied the sweets he chosen.

Liquorice wood and kali dabs
Pink sugar candied mice.
The little journey down the lane
And sliding on the ice.

His mom and Dad they saw his glee,
Forgot their sorry states.
At least upon this Holy day
They’d have food upon their plates

the fun times as a kid for brian allan from canberra




you see it was fun it was great, every single day

i went to the mall to muck around, and i heard

men calling me a great big ugly snout, oh yeah yeah, yeah mate yeah

and then i wore my screaming jets t shirt and i played my air guitar so much

and then i went home and did my washing, and i stunk of laundry powder oh yeah

and i came down to the mall and the young dudes said

welcome brian to the mall, welcome welcome welcome

and then i spoke to the music shop owner about all the latest music that he played

ya see young ronnie was asked by me to tie me up on my bed

i wanted that because of my previous life, yeah mate yeah it was soooo cool

and then i played with my mates, and chased brendan up the tree

and he said, brian, be a kid, don’t be an adult, oh no way

i said, fine as my brother was looking at me showing me what a starer looked like

i wanted to party, so i went into the pub and watched some kids playing pool

and they all sang the U2 song, mysterious ways, while i was watching

i didn’t really wanna stare so i went to the dance floor and put my body up to the gorgeous chicks

and we danced to songs like what’s love got to do gotta do with it

you see i went to this pub after spending some time playing computer games at the bowling alley

and then headed off saying men don’t do that, that’s what kids do, i might head to the pub

and i met some really cool kids, but i was a tad troubled because as soon as people

said go home, i said neh, i am still not ******* off mate

they used the words, ******* turk, so we can get on with our lives

and i said, i am still not ******* off mate, dad said, ******* coward

which forced me to tease my father heavily, but i didn’t wanna do that, it was the chemical in my f..n brain

like the chemical in my brain which forced me to listen to the kids say, what’s that, your like us

well, i might heard one kid say this, but, really i shouldn’t expect this

i like when people sing in groups, but dads not around anymore, the old hags dead, but i remember dad

said what’s that brian what’s that brian what’s that brian, i liked that, why did dad change

i liked the voices from mum, your like our fucken kids, but that was a voice from my brain chemical

i was having visions of my brother saying, you are like us, when i was on rampage on grabbing kids

but i didn’t want to do that, it was my crazy chemical in my brain

i want to find a cure for death, so i used my cronus belief to give brian allan the power to know dads next life

dad is betty campbell, i remember stealing some rope and tying myself up in a toilet and pretending to be kidnapped

i remember patrick, was my best mate, and as i entered the mall he clapped his hands saying

welcome brian welcome to the mall, i was the one that stopped kids tying themselves up on youtube, it was just me

i didn’t wanna be encouraged to tie the kids up, so i told websites to untie our youth, because it attracts phedaphiles, don’t ya think

you see in the wrong hands youtube is dangerous, and kids are only little, mind you, some kids can look after themselves

but i had to do that because kids were playing tie up games, which i used to play, but i don’t want kids copying me, but

it forces kids to get themselves into traps, and I SAVED THEM, WITH MY BARE HANDS

youtube is way cooler and i think FOXTEL really doesn’t have anything like youtube, and i remember in 2004 i said i go on the computer

and google a fertiliser press on it a number of times and instant cash from the internet money tree and i started hearing voices taking my helper away

ya see i had this poem i wrote, saying ….  teena totter teena totter 33 and there was this man from toastmasters trying to take my man as i was

sitting at the mall drinking a coca cola, i was being a reformed man, instead of beer, i drank coke, because when i was drinking i was a real terror

but it wasn’t all my fucken fault, ya see in the town centre tavern, a man bought me and him a jug of beer but he fucken tore strips off me forcing me

to look up in the sky saying god or buddha please save me now, and he fucken yelled at me, saying your not like the kids, and i saw peter sargent, an old

neighbourhood friend, but he died and one man was teasing me at the bar because the barman only let me do a tab just for a cricket match, i liked that

cricket match so much, but clubs don’t do that much anymore, i was having fun, actually i was having voices in my head about the canberra people

making me be an adult to a ****, sit there brian and drink your beer watch the families mucking around and then die, it might be because i stole people’s money

and ran off leaving him lying in the ditch, i feel bad about that now, steve told me, i shouldn’t have done that, and in 2004, pats voice said teena totter teena totter

35, i was kidnapped by a demon, and i made it through alive and i was crazy back in the 90s, the chemical in my brain was forcing patrick’s voice in my head

and i cheered on some dude’s kid and he said, ya leave my kid alone ya little mongrel and i started teasing him calling him a worry wought, and as he left, he said

next time i see ya, i will punch you, your not a shy person, buddy, but he never did, but still i have to watch my f..n back, but as long as i don’t **** him off again

it should be alright and one time at the charnwood inn, i was watching the choirboys, i lost my wallet and smokes and some **** grabbed me outside and i thought he was abducting me,

so i tried to push my legs up, and he said, ok we’ll leave ya alone buddy and i got a free taxi ride home, and i was at the ANU bar watching a band and this man started tapping his foot

and i thought he was cool, but the chemical in my brain made a little tease, coming  out of him, but i really thought that band was cool, despite me looking like i was jittering

and also when i was bowling as we had a club meal, i was dancing on the floor with kathryn and the patrons thought i was the coolest dude around, and i partied all the way through

bowling, especially when i won trophies, yeah this was rad, and i remember i was bowling back in 1990 and i grabbed two boys of bill, who was our player and i wanted to ****** them

as well as i went to the basketball and grabbed a boy near the dunny, and grabbed frank’s friend robert, it lead to tie up games, but i don’t want anyone like me, ya see

but i remember singing, hey hows it going, sorry i can’t get through, just leave ya name and ya number and i’ll get back to you, and i sang the whole song at the mall as well

as teasing the men, saying i am a kid and your a man, i am a kid and your a man, you see i remember having visions of being treated like a hooligan ya know playing cool for yeah mate

yeah kids, as i sat there, the forces of the paranormal world will take away my family person, saying, your not a family person anymore, you are now a hooligan, and i hear pat’s voice

saying, come on brainy party, and i said, hi pat over the phone and he always told me to look after myself as he hi-5ed me, but there was this girl named louise, well i got memories

of life with pat at the poetry slam through louise, but she got ******* when people yelled at her, my motto is, i have the right to go out and have fun, like a real cool kid, that i was

but there is a worry that i will lose what i have at the poetry slam as far as losing people cheering me on, but i have to stick at my guns at the poetry slam and read with pride

for the poems i wrote myself, and i like dad, but i hate the voice saying, dads not around anymore brian, i know that, i say to the voice, but i don’t think he understands me

and mcdonalds was my favourite food, until it made me *****

the day i tried to be a hooligan



you see i was being a hooligan back in the 90s oh yeah mate yeah

i was running around belconnen like a raging hooligan

you see i was hearing voices in my head

saying i am a woosey, but i know i am not, i am cool

you see dad was trying to tell me that i was with the wrong crowd

and i hear these voices from my best mate, leave brian alone mr allan

i don’t want to muck with you, i was picking on dad, but he had to call the police

and he put me on medication to ****** calm mevdown

you see i was a wild drinker and my beard was like a hobos

and dad went to his grave not knowing i was trying to be like pat

i don’t want to be like everyone else i prefer to be myself

and dad threatened to throw me out of the house but decided against it in the end

i wasn’t really that bad, i was nice to mum and dad one minute and horrible and wild the next

i ran off to an open pub in  the night to try and grab a good time

like las vegas and blind beggars as well as the hungry horse

i got totally hammered man and i bought one beer home

and sat on my bathroom floor trying to cool person

you see mum worried when she smelt beer on me

and i snapped at her without thinking

i bought 5 cases of the greatest beer and i decorated my flat into a little beer garden

where i can sit and rest

i don’t know why i get cranky oh no, maybe dad thought i was crazy

i say i was crazy, but not anymore

i did a tapestry on my thoughts as i drink to escape the voices

i told mum and dad things like do you like eric boyson and they said quieten down

i partied at the hungry horse drinking 23 beers

and getting really drunk oh yeah that was the life for me

i went to town centre tavern and page tavern and drank $50 worth of beer

i was trying to be like patrick a bit when i bought myself a packet of crisps

i heard my brother come flying out of his house saying what’s that brian

i am mucking around again, you are like mum and dad now brian

i seemed to take my dreaded voices out on poor mum and dad

i threw a rubber spider on mum, she jumped and dad laughed

i made jokes with dad about the pool is losing it’s water

dad said, he has to be on the ball with me

i jumped up and played basketball with the kids

like brendan and bo and josh

and one kid told me to kidnap him, and i said i am trying to drink beer to reform my kidnapper

i rang patrick up at the pub to see if he wants to party

he said no, mainly because he probably didn’t want to go

i was getting drunk with a mate named steve and he was a yeller a mighty yeller

a real crazy person, oh yeah, but some time he was nice, trying to talk me into going to ulladulla with him, NO THANKS

drinking with him was fun back then, but i teased him and that is why he yelled

i was trying to be like patrick when i went to the choirboys concert

and i nearly got mugged but i got away, but i lost everything that night, I WAS CRAZY

i still found it hard talking to mum and dad because i was a yeller

and every time i drank after work, mum said have you been drinking

yeah i drank with some of my mates from north south contractors

stephen and scott, oh yeah, i went back to scott’s to listen to heavy metal, man that was rad,

and the hotdog we ate was great, dude

i joined the bowling league back in 2000, and i was a real party dude oh yeah

i partied with kathryn on the dance floor despite me being tired from my medication

and i bowled in campbelltown and gosford and hornsby and illawarra and went to cheer on the swans oh yeah

you see mate, i like doing things, ya know i like being cool

and with the right medication, i stopped fighting my parents woo oh

i went to the fucken psych ward in 2004 for killing the blasted cat

and i yelled HELP HELP HELP HELP

and finally in 2007 after 38 years, i moved out into a flat on my own and i am enjoying this

and in the end of the year, i got myself a job at LEAD, but i was having mental problems

and in 2009 i was put on seroquel and i visited adelaide for the first time

and i went back to adelaide in 2012, in 2005 and 2012 the mighty swans won the cup

and i went to the carols, you see i was dumb enough to replace the pub with the carols

i got my first every day job in 2013 but it only lasted 4 months, as i chucked all my belongings over the balcony

and sent to the psych ward and placed on a medication order of good behaviour

which means i will go to the psych ward if i don’t take my medication

i am thinking this is great, all i need to take his my medication, and i stay out of the psych ward, cool

and in 2014 dad died and i started a cartooning course as well as winning a duck at my inaugural poetry slam

which is on the third wednesday of each month

i have been going there every month except december, and i read my very own poems

now, i am putting the backings on my tapestries and yeah i am cool

and tonight i can’t sleep having horrible thoughts from my 2 times in the psych ward

Fully ambulatory with
onanist wrists,
neither whig,
nor tory,
nor communist,
he's loose lipped
loose hipped
quite well equipped,

he's bendy n trendy,
he's buff, n ripped.

not quite castrato
and gives good vibrato
to choirboys mulatto -
with belly button fluff.

Obi.

last minutes of trust
in a poem made of dust
you made me hate me

feel the real injection daily
everything seems to poke
you turned into a joke

everything seems to shine
twinkle and rhyme
feel the real injection

this verse is for my protection
this verse is killing you: action!
lamps out of broken teeth

brother breaks his brother's knee
brother stabs his brother's stomach
feel the real injection

everything is for protection
turning choirboys into warriors
brother against brother

everything is an attraction
brother smashes brother's face in
brother against brother face it:

brother against brother

You see I like being young, but I am pushed to being old



You see when I was 11 years old
I was a happy little kid, who loved
To play around and muck with other kid's
Then I moved to my new house
And there was this man up the road
Who grabbed kid's murdered them
Which made me very scared
But, you see he liked me, yes he liked me so much
He liked me so much in fact,he never wanted to harm me
He wanted me to be his friend
And try to keep him from doing evil
And he played cool for me with all the cool kids
Just because he treated me like an adult
You see he liked how I was too mature when I stood up for myself
And he liked how I believed real men's kids watch footy
And sit like adults, while their bros are getting mugged
But that wasn't his fault, he stayed with me saying
Your not a kid, no way your not, you are getting kidnapped
If you say your a kid, so say your an adult and we will treat you like one
But I told him, listen mate you see
I like being young, but I am pushed to being old, by you
So he got up and told me, that I ain't so tough
He said I will be dead, if I tried to be a kid
I said, listen mate, you can't **** or kidnap me fella
And I love to see you fucken try
You are a weakling and I hate you
I told him, ok I will be an adult
But he just left, saying your time is up
And the next night when I went to see the Choirboys
I spent the remainder of the night bribe kidnapped with shy people in a
Kidnappers house, and he demanded my parents to pay a ransom
For me to return, but I am looking like dying
Because, my kidnapper said, I have you
No kid will be kidnapped, because dude I have you
You see you like being young, heh heh heh heh
Yes, I am making you old, see ya later, shy boy heh heh heh



Sent from my iPhone

females
lovers
yachts

forbidden fruit (eden)
little hole (eve)
Yahweh (tizzop)

friends
luck
yack

turn every letter around turn warriors
into choirboys allergic against weapons

turn vampires into
humans

turn around: somebody behind you
spying each letter you gotta

be better
don't turn the page NOW
the paper'd simply fly downwards into hell
with you

besides: the book of your life will end soon enough

Distant queen of the dew soaked rill
awaits her king to receive her fill
in lonely bedchamber time stands still
she scribes him with luxuriant quill

"Oh king when will you return to me?
Can you not my wretched sorrow see?
My ***** they yearn for your regal member
and your return to my bed chamber"

But,

He knows not of the squire by night,
the cowherd, butler, acolyte,
the vicar and the choirboys three,
when he's abroad, he's not to see

And

She knows not of the maiden's bed,
nor of the ***** newlywed,
the novices in the covent far,
the nubile maidens of Zanzibar...

The Other all acoustic set
Features tambourine and lute, Bright Makimbo dancers, Skyscrapers ready to take on the world,
Strange meandering in this psychedelic pie. The mean child within has since
Given up sharp objects,
Some used with bad flatware,
Well, what can you say,
I guess that's the price for
Doing business on the boulevard. Looking for the
String of pearls in God's eyes.
But you only see them
After they fade to dreams.
A sitar and a scythe,
Cutting the the psychic air
With the fluidity of a mantra
Sung by Holy Angels, pondered by Saints and drunks on the avenue.

The other all acoustic set
Draws poet's dreaming of
Lauds and sonnets and pink and blue evenings, As I draw
Little but the wake of sunset
And somber cello, drawing
Infinite sadness of a world
Turning slowly away from the sun. Yet I walk with the
Wings of Seraphim and choirboys singing the eternal
Songs of Angels passing over
Broken tiles and tilted streets
Under a silent moon lavishly
Grinning at the absurdity of it all.