I am speaking to my future me.
You love your wife, Adyson.
I know when the demons come back with more force than the last time, this thought enters your mind:
"Divorce your wife, this is unhealthy."
The truth is, you're unhealthy. I know it's raw, but it's the truth. You are too consumed with yourself to even know the difference.
You see, at this close of 2017 you looked to your right and told her:
"I am happy."
See, you're happy because she's the only one you have that truly understands you. How do I know?
Take a good guess, I know you can do it.
I'm guessing there's a good chance that she's feeling exactly the same way, or worse.
You're taking a trip right now. You're stable tonight. Addy is stable tonight. You're driving to Keith's (or writing here on these pages mucking up your handwriting...) to be with your family and friends. Good friends. Going to get ****-faced and hoping to black out.
And you're blessed to have your soulmatage right next to you, smoking chillum **** and "Natural" American Spirit cigarettes, and sipping on Mtn Dew. It's 2:17am, and you're about to ride the Music Express because it is picking up speed. No sleep for you tonight.
Your mind is not clear. Next time you think to divorce your wife, hold onto that thought, because by doing so, you're giving yourself time. Time is key.
If you feel that you should divorce your wife when you're well enough to have a clear perspective, then maybe you should consider it.
Depression and mixed states will lie to you, insidiously, and without mercy. No mercy.
I'm willing to bet at this point, however, that when your demon is back to sleep, if only for a minute, you'll only have to look to your left while in bed in order to cultivate your prior burning love for her.
For she loves you and you love her ... to death, even beyond your current living death. Rest assured, my good man, that it will end. Just give it time.
Take a break. Go to sleep. Turn off your life for a moment, it'll help. The decision to take your pills is up to you, but consider taking them, too. They will probably help.
Don't forget to hug your wife though.
Good night.
31 December 2017 - I wrote this for myself because I get these negative thoughts when in a bout of bipolar depression, which doesn't last. These thoughts turn into my only reality if only for a short time. I am hoping to stave off the danger of making a rash decision in the midst of an episode.
