i sat there as my world spun.
all i could do was breathe and somehow
the universe was telling me that was Enough.

smoke trails behind me
like the scar that runs down my wrist.
the smoke is wrapped around my eyes, too,
so i stumble
as the smoke envelops my body
and whispers in my ears.

do you remember when we shared the same shade from the same tree?
our sweater covering the grass we laid on together,
sharing earbuds,
listening to songs that made me feel like we were the only people in this universe that mattered.
that day was so perfect.
we were
and you still are so
perfect.

today, i cried in class.
not even  your presence or hugs could fix my breaking heart and soul.
i tried doing the coping skills my counselor taught me,
but my breathing only got heavier and the voices in my head were louder.
people used to call me strong for still living,
still getting up in the morning,
still going to school
despite this demon and drags me back to That dark place.
but i'm not "strong" anymore,
i can barely lift my head from the palms of my hands and when i do, i look at them,
wandering why i ended up this way.