Your violet iris leaves me naked
as your half-cocked upper lip remains stalwart while
a single drop of salt water backlash slips over,
falling to the ruin
where I tear your ventricles and,
blindly,
walk away.

I want the voices
to climb
back inside my head
where they belong

So I am going to strip down,
step to my side of the bed,
climb in,
feel the cold radiating off your back,
and cry.

I’m sideways, middle ground burned and left and right beyond reproach so I take no stand against a stand against anything that might be controversial and those thoughts won’t go away no matter how much I rebel because you instil so much that I never wanted to learn because all I want to learn is that you love me without taking a stand, without conditions, without thought.

I never think
of me in your bed,
but I always think
of me in your arms.

I never know what
you are going to say,
but I always want
you to say it to me.

I came in
just to see
your eyes light up
and I stayed to hear
your voice touch my ears.

I never expect
anything from you,
but I always want
just a little bit more.

Just a little
more of you
to go with
a little bit of me
and a just
a little request:
hold me.

I didn’t expect
to even touch you,
but I wished
I could feel you
beside me.

I talked to hear
my own voice
in the silence
and I was shocked
to hear yours
answer me.

I glanced
in your direction
to see your reaction
and I was floored
when I saw
you looking back.

I closed in for a
simple embrace
and I found your arms
wrapped tightly
around me

And when
you’re around me
I seem to lose
my ability
to stand
on my own,
so I ask:
hold me.

July 10, 2000
I woke up
after passing out
after smoking up
after coming down
from the wa-wa sound
induced by nitrous filled punch balloons

I woke up
after snorting lines of ketamine
coupled with hits of acid and ecstasy

I woke up
after seven people died
from shooting ****** into their veins

I woke up
in a folding camp chair
with a hand wrapped around
a bag of ****
stuffed in my pocket
to a booming voice
telling me I was going to jail.

and I thanked god when they put on the cuffs
that I was one of the lucky ones that woke up.